She follows my gaze. “Have some apologies to make?” There’s judgment in her tone. I can’t be angry about it. It’s well-deserved.
“Maybe.”
She nods and walks off without me. I head over to Sawyer’s table, heart in my throat. He doesn’t notice or even look up as I approach, or even when I carefully sit next to him.
“Hey, Sawyer,” I say, equally as carefully.
He glances sideways at me. He’s got a tray of untouched food and a textbook in front of him.
“Um … what are you reading?”
He doesn’t meet my gaze. “What do you want, Avery?” he mumbles. His voice sounds hoarse and scratchy, as if he hasn’t been using it lately.
“I thought I’d come say hi.”
He doesn’t reply. His arms are folded on the table in front of him.
“And … to say sorry?” It comes out as a question.
His face doesn’t change. He’s expressionless. It’s almost as if he hasn’t heard me. He reaches out and turns the page of his textbook.
“I’m busy.”
“Not quite the response I was hoping for,” I say with a nervous laugh. Again, he doesn’t reply, and I look down at my hands. How am I supposed to even begin mending our relationship? “Look, Sawyer, I’m sorry. I really am. I’ve been hoping we can move past everything somehow. You did stupid shit last year, and I obviously did stupid shit.”
He’s still not looking at me. I take a deep breath.
“Just stop,” he says dryly.
“What?” I ask, feeling a little hurt.
“Just stop playing with me. I see you with Piers and Owen and Bennett. All you said about not getting distracted, it’s just more lies.” He moves his head toward me, but his eyes stay angled toward the floor. “Just leave me out of it. I’m not falling for it again.”
“There’s nothing to fall for,” I tell him softly.
“You got what you wanted, Avery. Just go
away.”
“But I—”
“Please,” he interrupts. “Please, just go away.”
I look at him and see he’s blinking back tears. I reach out to touch his shoulder, but he jerks away from me and I have to put my hand in my lap.
“Just leave me alone,” he says again.
“Okay,” I whisper, and I stand up. I mean to come over and fix things, but all I did was make it worse. At this point, it’s basically my trademark move.
Chapter Eighteen
Sawyer doesn’t want to talk to me at all.
I keep trying. I stop by his desk during class, I pass by his table during lunch, I try to save the good practice weapons for him during PW. He ignores me every single time. It’s hard for me to focus on my grades and classes. I’m haunted by the look on his face when he told me to go away. He appears in my nightmares, which are ever more frequent.
“Mr. Skinner will be back soon,” Erin tells me one night. She has some rare time in the dorm, since Luiza’s helping Professor Davies with some sort of paperwork.
“Good. I’m hoping to pay him a visit.” I’m sitting at my desk with all sorts of paper spread out in front of me, making Valentine’s Day cards for the boys. I pay special attention to Sawyer’s; I make little pop-out designs and write a lengthy note inside. I know it’s stupid and juvenile, but it’s the only thing I can think to do. It’d be fun to do something more elaborate, but I’ve been distracted enough as it is these last weeks. I don’t have time for anything else. “Have you heard from your dad?”