I was in tears. “That’s not true, he has the same dream as me,” I said sobbing.
Mark made a move to comfort me, but my mom blocked him off.
“I think its best that you leave.”
Mark tried to protest. “Mrs. Miller, if you would just give us a chance to explain. We’ll tell you everything.”
“I don’t want to hear your explanations, you preyed on my daughter’s sensitivity, and you exploited her dreams. You need to leave!”
I tried to protest through my tears, but it was too late. My stupid emotions had taken over. I rushed to the bathroom as my mom escorted the love of my life out the front door.
I was weaker than ever after my bout of sickness and was ashamed at the way my mom had treated Mark. I wasn’t sure if I would ever be able to forgive her. I walked slowly to my bed and collapsed on it.
“Oh Krista, what happened?” Sam asked as she entered my room.
“She said we couldn’t see each other,” I said in a dead voice.
“Why?” Sam asked bewildered.
“Because, he’s finished with high school.”
“Krista, I know your upset, but we have to control it. I can’t explain it, but I feel your body is getting weaker. You have to learn how to control it. I’m going to show you how.”
“I don’t want to learn,” I said stubbornly.
I knew I sounded like a little kid who didn’t get what they wanted. I was just so mad at my mom, and that my body had betrayed me yet again. I was weaker than ever, and I was sick of that.
Sam was having none of it. “I don’t care if you don’t want to learn. I’m not giving you the choice. Now sit up!” Sam said in a demanding voice that I never heard her use before.
With a resigned sigh, I sat up and looked at her.
“Okay, it’s simple enough. You know how you briefly lose your breath when you kiss Mark? You need to copy that feeling. When your emotions start to get out of control you need to hold your breath and close your eyes. You need to deprive your emotions of the oxygen they feed on. It will go against what your instincts are telling you to do, because normally you suck air in when an attack begins. You need to train your body to do the opposite.”
It sounded simple enough and even though I said I didn’t want to learn how, I hadn’t meant it. I was anxious to get my emotions under control. I was sick of them dictating my life.
I practiced for a few minutes with Sam, but then I had to lie back down. I was exhausted from the emotional upheaval that my body had gone through in the last twenty-four hours.
I apologized to Sam as I drifted off to sleep.
The dream woke me the usual way. I was able to stifle my sobs and Sam slept on.
I headed to the bathroom, closing the door softly behind me. I turned on the shower and stepped in. As the water cascaded over me, I thought about how I was going to convince my mom that Mark was the guy for me.
Last night it seemed impossible, but with the new day, I was ready to try again. It was bad enough that we were being separated in my dreams, but I was not going to let it happen in real life.
I sat in my sitting area reading while I waited for Sam to wake up. Once we were both ready for school, we headed downstairs for round two.
My mom was already up and fixing breakfast when we walked into the kitchen.
“Mom, can we talk about it?” I said in a pleading voice.
“There’s nothing to talk about. I know you think he’s you’re dream guy, but he’s just trying to manipulate you. You’ve never dated and your still naïve when it comes to guys.”
I felt the anger and other emotions well up inside me. I tried Sam’s trick and held her breath. Smother them back, I thought. It was much harder than I thought it would be and went against every instinct I had, but miraculously it began to work.
“You’re wrong Mom, he loves me, and if you would just let us explain?” I said with a touch of anger in my voice.
“I don’t want to hear explanations. I’m the adult. I know more about the things guys do to get a pretty girl. The subject’s closed; you’re not to see him again.”