29.
Present Day
4:30 PM
“Okay, so I was a chump,” Justin admitted. “It doesn’t mean I didn’t deserve to know you were pregnant. I should have had a say in some of the decisions. I know it’s your body, and in the end you get the final say, but it was my baby too. I should have known about it before you got an abortion.”
I felt his pain. I’d lived with it for two years. I should have forced him to listen when I had the chance, but I let pride dictate my actions. I walked away, allowing Justin to believe the worst about me. Maybe I felt it was justice for me to bear the brunt of his accusations since I had contemplated abortion in the first place. It was only after I lost the baby that I realized I could never have gone through with it. I lost something I never realized I wanted until it was gone. Melissa had been heartbroken from the role she had played in the mix-up. She begged me to let her tell him the truth, but I swore her to secrecy. I told her if she cared for me, she would let it go.
Over the tough weeks following the miscarriage, Melissa continued to badger me to tell him the truth, but in the end, I tucked my tail between my legs and ran. Not only from my own pain, but from the destruction I had caused others.
30.
March 2011
Melissa was waiting outside when the cab dropped me off at my dorm. Clouds had moved in while I spent the morning at the hospital and a steady drizzle of moisture was falling from the sky. It seemed fitting that the sky appeared to be weeping.
“I would have gone with you,” Melissa greeted me as she helped me into our room, dripping wet.
“Huh?” I asked through chattering teeth as I worked to pull my wet clothes off so I could replace them with something dry.
“I said I would have gone with you,” she repeated, sounding hurt.
“That’s okay. You weren’t here,” I pointed out, climbing under my blankets.
“You could have waited for me,” she accused, sounding a little miffed.
“Um, no, I really couldn’t.”
“You mean to tell me you couldn’t have scheduled it for a time when I could go with you?” she said in a thick voice.
“Schedule what?” I began to understand. “Melissa, I didn’t get an abortion. Didn’t you read my messages?” I said, pulling out my phone to show her the text messages I sent.
“Yes, I did. You said you were with the doctor in the first text, and in the second you said you weren’t pregnant anymore.”
“So you just assumed I . . .” I cut myself off as I looked at my phone and saw she was right. Tears filled my eyes. “When I typed the last message the nurse had been in the process of telling me what to expect after the miscarriage. You get that? My miscarriage. I was still kind of in a daze at the time. I wasn’t really paying attention to what I was typing,” I said.
“What? How?” Melissa asked in a rush as she began to cry.
My tears made it difficult to answer.
“I was knocked down the stairs at Jacob’s party. I thought it was just my knees that got hurt,” I told her, lifting the blanket to show her my legs, which the hospital had bandaged for me.
“Oh my God. Who the hell knocked you down a flight of stairs?” she asked enraged.
“Some asshat I don’t even know,” I answered. Melissa never left my side as I let my grief pour out. “I just want to put it all behind me now,” I sniffled. “I’m glad no one else knows. I’m not sure I can handle being the subject of gossip and sympathy.”
Melissa looked uncomfortable at my words.
“You told Rob,” I said, knowing her well.
“I’m so sorry, Brittni. I was upset when I thought you went to get an abortion on your own. I thought you didn’t need me,” she said as she began to cry again.
“Of course I need you. I was scared to death when I woke up and knew I was losing the baby and you weren’t here.”
She wailed harder at my words. “I’m so sorry I betrayed your secret. I’m the worst friend ever.”
“Wait a second. Melissa, you’re not saying what I think you are, right? Please tell me you didn’t tell Rob I got an abortion.”