“You’re an asshole,” I blurted out.
“What did you say?” he asked, recoiling at my words.
“You’re an asshole,” I shouted, gaining the attention of most of the other occupants in the room.
“Mia,” he started.
I held up my hand, stopping him mid-sentence. “Why are you even here? You stopped coming to see me when I was in the hospital and you sure as hell weren’t there when Jacob and Mom needed you.”
“I’m here because your doctor thinks it’s vital to your recovery. I want you to get better. I need you to get better.”
“You need me to get better?” I laughed with derision. “Is that why you stopped visiting me in the hospital? You knew I was broken? You knew that something was wrong with me and you wanted no part of that.” He really was an asshole. He left Mom when she fell apart after I was taken. He abandoned his son, leaving him to grow up without a father, and even when we had been given a second chance, he ran again.
He avoided my eyes and I knew I had hit the nail on the head. “Do you wish I had never been found?”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Mia. I’m not the monster here. Of course I’m happy you were found. I just wasn’t prepared to deal with the aftermath. The constant onslaught of attention. Your picture splashed across every media outlet. That criminal and all her abuse made public knowledge for everyone to see. You inventing people who don’t exist. It was too much.”
I flinched at his words. “You think you were the only one who felt the pressure? Some of us weren’t given the luxury of bailing though.”
“I told you, I’m not perfect. I like structure. I thrive on routine and normalcy. Our lives have been in a constant upheaval for the last ten years.”
“Yeah, well, I’m sorry I got kidnapped,” I said. My voice dripped with sarcasm.
“So am I.”
We slumped back in our seats, both having had our say. In a way I had my answers. During our sessions Dr. Marshall kept insisting that I was strong. I wondered what her opinion of my dad would be. As far as I was concerned he was weak. He bailed when things got rough. He let all of us down. That was his cross to bear. Not mine.
35
“I’M GOING to miss you,” Trisha said sadly as I zipped my suitcase.
I lugged the heavy bag off my bed and gave her an impulsive hug. “I’m going to miss you too, but you’ll be out in a couple of weeks. And this time you’re going to call me if the voices won’t shut up,” I said, looking down at the angry scars on her wrists.
“Promise we’ll be friends once we leave these walls,” she pleaded.
“I promise. Besides, you’re the only friend I haven’t made up,” I teased, giving her another squeeze.
She giggled. “That’s true, but what if you decide to replace me with someone better in your head?”
I gave her a nudge with my shoulder. “Bite your tongue.”
“It’s okay, you know? We can’t help that our brains work on a different frequency,” she said, parroting something Jill, our group leader, had said.
I snorted. “Jill would be so proud of you,” I said, ignoring her statement. It was a Brookville motto to accept that we were different. I accepted my mind, but would do everything in my power not to relapse. I wanted to live in the real world, not the one I had built in my head. “Call me as soon as you get home,” I instructed her for what felt like the millionth time.
Her lower lip trembled and I knew tears were close. “I love you, kid,” I teased, pulling the handle of my suitcase up and wheeling it out of the room before she could flood the room we’d shared for the last six weeks.
I waved to a couple of my friends as I wheeled my suitcase past the rec room. With Trisha as a roommate it became impossible to keep everyone at arm’s length. Before I knew it, I was being included in everything. I could now tell you which nurse carried a flask and which doctor got caught with his pants down. Literally. I would miss this place.
“Ready?” Mom asked, meeting me in the reception area. “I already filled out all your discharge papers.”
“I’m ready,” I said, gripping the handle of my suitcase tightly. A small bubble of fear lodged in my gut as I stepped outside and away from the building. I was ready for this. Even if everyone wasn’t telling me I was ready, I would still know it was time.
“Where’s Jacob?” I asked as I buckled my seat belt.
“He had to work so he’s meeting us at home,” Mom answered, starting the car. With that, we pulled away from Brookville. I didn’t turn around for a second glance. Looking back wasn’t necessary.
“Does he like his new job?” I asked.