“I just need time, Mom. That’s all.”
“You’ve had quite some time, baby. It’s been three weeks. We should talk more about what happened.”
I didn’t say anything, but my eyes did widen. I guess I didn’t realize it’d been so long since it happened. It still felt like yesterday.
“What about…what about the baby?” she whispered, and I frowned then, picking my head back up and looking her straight in the eye.
“What about it?”
“You aren’t mourning it?”
I scoffed. “Wh—I mean, what do you expect from me, Mom? I was stabbed, and I found out from my parents that I was pregnant. Of course I hate that it happened, but with Cane leaving, maybe losing the baby was for the best. I was only six weeks along anyway. It’s not like I had any sort of connection to it.”
She glared hard at me, her eyes so wide I thought they’d pop right out of her head. “I understand you are hurting, but if you ever say anything like that again, I will slap you straight.”
I leaned back, looking her over. “I—I didn’t mean it that way—not cruelly. I just meant that—I mean it’s not—”
“Did you know that I miscarried twice before having you?”
I swallowed thickly, frowning. “N—no.”
“Well, I did and the first time was brutal. I didn’t realize what was happening to me because I didn’t even know I was pregnant. I was young and dumb and in college.” She continued staring. “But the second time, I’d graduated and moved to Atlanta with your father, who’d gotten a job at the station early on because he was good friends with the Sheriff.” She sucked in a sharp breath. “We were living in a one-bedroom apartment with a little money saved up, we were married, and wanted to start trying. I remember taking a test and finding out that I was pregnant, and your father and I were so, so happy. But then a few weeks passed and I woke up in a puddle of my own blood.”
“Oh my God, Mom. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you—”
She held a hand up, stopping me mid-sentence. “Your dad was home and he rushed me to the hospital, but it was too late. I didn’t want to try anymore after that, so I focused on my career instead. Little did I know that by asking several members of our family about it, miscarriages seem to run deep in the women in our family. Your Nana miscarried four times before having me. That’s why I am an only child. I miscarried twice. I prayed that it wouldn’t pass down to you—that your father’s genes would be a lot stronger—but with that stabbing, who knows what will happen. That’s why I think you need to go and get another check-up—see if they can run tests. I know having a baby is the last thing on your mind right now, but it’ll make me feel better if I know you can at least try in the future without suffering like I did.”
I nodded, lowering my line of sight.
She tipped my chin back up, making our eyes connect again. “When I was pregnant with you, I bled. I bled a lot, actually. But I was smarter. Instead of breaking down like before, I threw on some pads and rushed myself to the hospital. They checked me in, and thank God I did that because if I hadn’t driven there myself, I would have lost you. You, Kandy.” A tear escaped her but she forced a smile. “I love you so, so much, baby. I love you more than anything on this earth, and I only want what’s best for you. Okay?”
My eyes prickled with heat. “Okay,” I whispered.
“I know you want to see him,” she murmured.
I looked into her eyes. “I do…but I know I shouldn’t.”
Her lips pressed a moment. “I overheard you on the phone,” she confessed, looking apologetic. “Your father would hate that I’m saying this, but if he’s leaving or whatever he’s doing, that means he won’t be here as much. I think you should at least talk to him one last time, settle the tension. But you can only do so if you agree to let me have you checked thoroughly by a professional. I know this great doctor who works uptown. He’s very thorough and honest.”
I nodded rapidly. “Yeah, Mom. Okay. I’ll do it.”
“Good.” She leaned in to kiss my forehead. “Now get some rest.” Standing up, she turned and made her way to the door. Before she could leave, I called after her. “Yeah, sweetie?”
“Why didn’t you tell me Kelly had been caught?”
My question clearly took her off guard. She thought on it for a beat, and then answered, “Because it wasn’t the right time, and the last thing I want is to talk about the bitch haunting my daughter’s nightmares.”