I looked at the white envelope in my other hand next. For some reason it felt heavier, like I could feel all the weight he’d been carrying in the single form of a letter.
Walking to the rocking chairs in the corner and sitting, I sucked in a sharp breath before ripping it open. My heart thundered in my chest, and my hands shook violently as I focused on the words.
Kandy,
I know this isn’t the best way to express myself. Showing up would have been so much easier, but I played each scenario over and over again in my head and knew there wouldn’t have been a way for me to see you without your parents interfering, or your father tossing my ass on the street. (By the way, I caved and called your mom to check in on you. She told me about the nightmares, and I’m so fucking sorry. God, I wish I was there to hold you.)
Forgive me, because I’ve been drinking tonight, and my guilt is really fucking me up. I have to let you know that I’m leaving tomorrow. My whole house was packed up days ago, my cars are being driven down, and the new house is waiting for me. The kitchen will still have a TV in it, and there is a pool at this one too. I know how much you loved the pool. There is a room upstairs that is just for you. I want to fill it with notebooks, pens, and books, and even a desk because I know you love reading and writing.
Look, I may be a dumb, drunk man right now, but I’m not afraid to tell you that I want you there with me. As a matter of fact, I’m begging you to come.
I plan on making a new start, but it won’t feel fresh without you. You’ve been on my mind constantly, Kandy. I haven’t been able to sleep because all I can remember is your blood on my hands, stained in my clothes, and even my bedroom floor. All I can think about is how bad I feel, and how you didn’t deserve what she did to you. I should have been the one to get hurt that day, not you. You did nothing wrong, and all of this happened because Karma knew what made me vulnerable, and you are it.
I know you are hurting. I know you are scared. I know I’ve fucked up your trust way too many times, and God knows I don’t deserve you, but if you come with me, things will be different. It’s selfish of me to even bother asking, but if there is a sliver of trust inside of you for me, I want you to dwell on it, and I want you to really think about the option of coming.
Tomorrow, Lora will be leaving and meeting me in Charlotte. She’s scheduled to leave at ten in the morning. If you feel in your heart that you can still be with me, then call her before that time and have her pick you up, or text her and ask for the address if you want to leave sooner. If you have already made up your mind and think it’s best to move on, then I understand that, too, and I will let you move on. I won’t push or budge. I’ll let you live a normal life—one without all of my fucked-up flaws and past mistakes, and sins coming to bite me in the ass, but I’m begging you right now to please, please think about it.
Whatever you decide, just know that I love you so much, and I would have regretted not letting you know that I am still here for you.
You are my girl. My world. My sweet, sweet Kandy. You mean everything to me, and there is nothing that will ever be able to change that. If walking away is what makes you happiest though, I get it—and I will respect your decision. Just know that I will never love another woman as much as I love you.
If I see you again soon, I’ll hug and kiss the hell out of you until you can’t stand it anymore, but if I don’t…maybe I’ll see you again some other day.
You have my heart,
Cane
I dropped the letter in my lap, sniffling hard. I swiped the back of my arm over my face, and then looked at the back of the second paper. Sure enough, Lora’s address was written there. There was something else inside the envelope, too. It was another address, this one for Charlotte. I assumed this was his new one.
A car door shut and I looked up, spotting Dad in the driveway, climbing out of his work truck. I stuffed the letter back into the envelope and then folded it, tucking it into the pocket of my hoodie.