“He said that it might take years for me to completely heal in there, and even when I do, my uterus will be weak—so weak that it probably won’t be able to hold a baby. Even if I tried, it could result in a miscarriage, or rupture, or just not happen at all.”
“Oh, fuck, Kandy.” He cupped one side of my face. “Fuck, baby. I am so sorry,” he whispered. He dropped to his knees, wrapping his hands around my waist. “I didn’t know about any of this. I’m so sorry. I thought you lost the baby from the stress of the stabbing. Now I see why you didn’t answer your phone.” He kissed the wound, and having his lips there both seared and froze me.
Eventually, I pulled him back up to standing, sinking into his arms and burying my face into his chest. I didn’t come here to cry, but I had to let it out.
All the rage.
All the hurt.
All the guilt.
I had to let it go, and I knew he would stand there and take it from me—absorb my pain and then get rid of the wasted energy so that we could start anew.
We didn’t leave the room for the rest of that night. His phone rang constantly, but he ignored every single call. He picked me up and put me on the bed, then climbed up with me, letting me curl into him. My face was in his shirt, which I soaked with tears. My fingers were clutching him everywhere because I didn’t want him to leave. I wanted him right there with me, where he belonged.
“It’s okay, baby,” he cooed in my hair. “We’ll be okay.”
We…
I hadn’t heard that word from him in so long, but the sound of it calmed me. He had no idea if we would be okay…but we were okay together. We were always okay together; that’s why I was here, because this feeling was something I couldn’t give up. I loved it too much. Being in his arms, no matter the circumstances, always completed me.
I’m not sure when I fell asleep. All of my weeping, along with the traveling, left me exhausted.
When I woke up, he was still there, and all I could do was stare at him. He was sleeping, and I don’t know how I hadn’t paid attention before, but there was hair on the lower half of his face. Lots of hair. He’d grown a beard while he was away from me, and somehow it was very fitting. Thick. Brown. It wasn’t bushy. It was just enough to cover the lower half of his face—a very thick layer that I instinctively combed my fingernails through. How hadn’t I felt it last night when he kissed me? Was I that out of it? That happy to see him? So elated that nothing else mattered but the two of us, reunited again?
Being with Cane in that moment was a risk, but so was falling for him. When I met him, he was just my dad’s best friend. I was never supposed to want him, but I did, and now I had him, and neither of us wanted to let go. Loving Cane was the dumbest thing I’d ever done in my life, but what we had was real, and there was no denying how we felt.
Only we understood what we had.
Only we knew how deep our love really ran.
Many people in this world allowed their love to die because of fears and trials and a momentary defeat…but I refused to let that stop me from having the one thing I’d always wanted: him.
Part II
SURVIVING
Chapter Sixteen
KANDY
In the span of three weeks, I got a new car, a brand-new wardrobe, and gotten weekly manicures. The new car was Cane’s idea. The new wardrobe and manicures? All on my bohemian, free-spirited girl, Lora.
Seeing as Cane wanted me to be happy, and wanted to give me everything, he had no problem giving me a credit card to shop around, just to get me out of the house and feeling better. I didn’t want to buy much or use up all of his money, but of course Lora racked up on things for me—some of it I was sure I wouldn’t even wear, but seeing as we wore the same size dresses and shirts, I think she picked most of it out for herself. I didn’t mind. It was nice spending time with her.
Not only that, but Lora stopped by Walmart to get hair products for my wild mess, as she called my hair. I had to admit, I had stopped caring for my hair like before. Lora braided it for me almost every day, telling me how she wished her hair was as thick as mine and could hold a curl like mine could. She made me feel much better about myself, and not once did she bring up the past or my losses, which I’m sure Cane had told her about.