My skin tingles under his touch, and my cheeks grow hot.
“I know nothing about dangerous weapons. How can I possibly predict them?”
His fingers grasp my hips as his lips brush over my neck, his warm breath making me shiver. “Practice, little warrior.”
We stay in the barn for hours until I manage to consistently hit within the first three rings of the bull’s eye. I’m pretty sure it’s mostly fluke, but I’ll take it.
“Good,” Rafael finally says. I slide the clip out the bottom of his gun and reload it before handing it back to him with the safety on.
“Wouldn’t want you getting caught with no bullets.” I smile as I look up at him, but quickly drop my gaze from those intense eyes. One minute he makes me feel respected and protected, and the next, it’s as though I remember exactly who and what he is, and it makes me nervous.
His finger lands under my chin, and he forces me to look at him. Dark brows slant into a frown and his lips press together. He’s so cold but so beautiful. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Look away from me like you’re scared of me.”
“I’m not scared of you.”
“Lies.” His lips quirk, gaze falling to my lips. His thumb strokes the length of my jaw. “You don’t need to fear me, little warrior. Not many can say that.”
“You do scare me,” I admit, my mouth going dry. He steps closer, so close that my chest brushes his stomach. He cups my face in both hands and touches his forehead to mine as though he needs to touch me but wishes he didn’t. “But not for the reasons you think,” I whisper. It’s because of this right here. This pull he has over me, the inherent want to be near him because he feels like the only safe haven in an apocalyptic world. Because when I’m with him, I don’t need to be quite so strong.
He pulls back slightly and stares at me. I get lost in his gaze until I feel like I’m drowning in those dark waters, consumed, protected and possessed under the black depths. And then his lips are on mine. The softest of brushes. My body tenses for a second and my mind grapples with itself, but he strokes my face so gently, it soothes my panicked heart. He holds me and kisses me like I’m something precious and breakable, something treasured.
When he pulls away, I can barely breathe. “Never fear me, Anna.” He presses his lips to my forehead once, and then he’s turning away. I watch him stalk from the barn with his scent still clinging to me, and my lips tingling from his kiss. No, I’m not scared of him. I’m scared that he of all people might ruin me because he makes my heart hope in spite of my head and hope will break me. Hope is all I have left, the last piece I have to give.
Rafael D’Cruze might destroy me where hundreds before him have failed.
17
Anna
I leave the barn and decide to keep going, away from the house, farther onto Rafael’s property. The grass is so long that it kisses my fingers as I make my way through it. The sun beats down on me, and I can almost feel it heating my soul, reaching inside and caressing the coldest parts of me. There’s not a person in sight and the farther I go, the freer I feel. But you’re not free. I grit my teeth and try to focus on something other than the cruel voices twisting my mind. He kissed you. He wants you. Just like all the others. Only the others never kissed me. Not like that.
I stomp through the grass as though I can outrun my past, outrun all the ugly truths and doubts that constantly linger on the edge of my mind. I fear hope, and yet I want it, I want to embrace it with open arms. I want to allow myself to hope that Rafael may be the man who will actually help me. I know it’s stupid and unrealistic. He may seem nice, but he’s a cartel boss, and I am business. He hasn’t got to where he is by growing attached to whores. But the thing about hope is the outcome is irrelevant; it’s the thrill of the possibility that brings a simple joy. I just want to experience something good, no matter how short a time that might be for.
The long grass comes to an abrupt end, and timber post and rail fencing divides the long grass from shorter grass beyond. The fence stretches far to my left, hooking over a hill. To my right, it runs until it meets with the high metal wall that surrounds the entire property. Holy shit. I assumed there was just more gardens back here, but the place is enormous.