“What are you doing here?”
His jaw clenched and he closed his eyes, swallowing with effort. “Do you … want to go put on pants?”
Jess stared at him, mute with shock. This was the first thing he said to her? Go get dressed? Honestly, being confronted with the uppity, asshole version of River made it so much easier to dial down the love and crank up the hate.
“No.” Jess waited for him to look at her face again and then put a hand on her hip, deliberately ignoring when her shirt rose up. “What are you doing here?”
River exhaled shakily, blinking to the side and then looking back to her. “Do you mind if I come in?”
Her first instinct was to tell him that she did mind. She minded very much, in fact, because having him in her space would remind her that he’d started treating it like his space, too. She’d thrown out the deodorant he’d left in her bathroom, the socks she’d fished out of the laundry basket, the oat milk he’d kept in her fridge. But she knew they needed to have this conversation. They had to break up, officially.
Stepping to the side, Jess let him in and then turned and stalked down the hall, calling out, “Stay there.”
When she returned, she had pants on, but her mood, if anything, had darkened. Walking past Juno’s room was like pouring lemon juice on a cut. River hadn’t just vanished from Jess’s life; he’d vanished from her kid’s, too. Her little girl who’d never been left before had lost two people in a week. Would it be hitting below the belt to tell him that Juno had asked to see River no fewer than four times? Jess berated herself for telling Juno about their relationship at all.
Jess found him perched on the edge of the couch cushion, hands pinned between his knees. He looked up at her and seemed to relax the smallest bit, shoulders slumping.
“Why are you here, River?”
“I was hoping we could talk.” He said it like it was obvious, but was he kidding?
Her jaw dropped. “What do you think I was trying to do when I called you last week? When I texted? You never replied.”
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I wasn’t ready.”
“Oh?” she said in quiet shock. “I was here totally losing my mind thinking we were over. I was heartsick, River. Am I supposed to feel better hearing that you didn’t call because you weren’t ready to have a relatively simple conversation?”
“Jess, come on. You said it was a lot to digest, too. I was neck-deep in data. And when you didn’t call again, I—I wasn’t sure whether you needed space.”
“Do not make me the bad guy here.” She immediately pointed her finger at him. “I get that this threw you—”
His eyes flashed as he cut in. “Do you?”
“Of course I do. It threw me, too!”
“It isn’t the same,” he said, voice sharp.
“Maybe not, but you had no right to dump me the way you did.”
“What?” His eyes went wide. “I didn’t dump you.”
“Reality check: When someone goes completely silent for eight days, it isn’t because they’re off planning an elaborate grand gesture.” Crossing her arms, Jess leaned against the wall. “And you know that, River. I realize that I’m easy to leave, but I was hoping you were better than that.”
He looked like he’d been punched. “You aren’t ‘easy to leave.’ None of this has been about my feelings for you. I was a total fucking wreck about work, worrying we would have to disclose the tampering, worrying my entire company would go under.”
Jess looked away, clenching her jaw while she struggled not to cry. Was she being unfair? His entire world had come apart, but she could only focus on all the shrapnel he left in her. “I understand that, but it doesn’t make my feelings any less valid,” she said, careful to keep her voice from trembling, “I had a really shitty week. I needed you. Even if you were going through it, too, I needed you. And you don’t get to do that, you know? Just vanish? Remember this for the next time, with the next woman. If you say feelings like ‘love,’ you owe her more than what you gave me this week.”
He stared at her in confusion for a few long moments before bending and putting his head in his hands. “I know it doesn’t change anything,” he said quietly, “but I felt shattered.” He didn’t move for several long moments. “I was totally humiliated, Jess. Yes, it’s just data, but it was the cruelest thing they could have done. People I’ve known and trusted for nearly fifteen years took advantage of my genuine belief in this technology. They manipulated me personally and the project I’ve spent my entire adult life on—because they knew that if I got that score, I would do everything in my power to explore the personal implication of it.” River looked up at her, and Jess saw that his eyes were red-rimmed. “I got crushed as a scientist and duped as a man. I felt like the entire world was”—he coughed—“laughing at me.”