Much Ado About Murder (Shakespeare & Smythe 3)

“You are a prince among men, Courtney,” Shakespeare said expansively.

“And you are a bloody sot among lushes,” Stackpole retorted, irately. “Get on with your story, then!”

“And so I shall. Ben decided that the thing to do would be to let both men have their air, and then speak to each of them the following day, for there could be no opportunity for them to fight a duel the very next morning. Seconds would have to be found first, and then second, those seconds would need to meet and appoint a time and place, and thirdly, weapons would need to be chosen, and so forth.”

“They would need to choose weapons fourth?” said Pope. “Why not chose weapons first?”

Shakespeare shook his head. “Nay, they would need to chose weapons and so forth… I suppose there is no reason why they could not choose weapons first.”

“Well, if they chose weapons first, then what would they choose fourth?” persisted Pope.

“He said that they would choose weapons thirdly,” said Phillips.

“He just said that they would choose them first!”

“Nay, he said they would choose them fourth,” said Bryan.

“I said they needed to choose weapons and… so… forth,” said Shakespeare.

“So fourth what?” asked Pope. “They would meet?”

“Nay, they needed to meet first,” replied Phillips.

“I thought they needed to meet second,” Pope said, frowning.

“First, the seconds need to be appointed,” Shakespeare explained, patiently. “Second, the seconds have to meet.”

“Aye, ‘tis why they call them seconds, you buffoon,” said Phillips, tossing a lump of bread at Pope.

“Oh, for heavens sake!” said Shakespeare, getting exasperated. “They do not call them seconds because they must meet second; they call them seconds because they are seconds!”

“So then who is called first?” asked Pope.

“No one is called first!” said Shakespeare, clenching both hands into fists.

“Well, that makes no bloody sense!” said Pope, irritably. “Why would you call someone second if there is no first?”

“Right!” said Shakespeare, leaning forward and fixing him with a direct gaze. “The duelists are called firsts, and the seconds are called seconds. Got it?”

“Second at what?” asked Pope.

Shakespeare rolled his eyes. “At dueling. They shall be second at dueling.”

“The seconds duel?”

“The seconds duel.”

“What for?”

Shakespeare took a deep breath. “Because that is how the thing is done,” he said, struggling to maintain a level tone.

“So the seconds duel second, and the duelists duel first?”

Shakespeare nodded with final

ity. “Aye, that is it, exactly.”

“So then who comes third?”