“And we’re better off, Meg,” Brent said. “I mean, the guy was no good.”
I shook my head. “That’s the thing… How could he have been no good?” I argued. “He was a firefighter; he actively put himself in danger every day he was at work in order to save other people.”
“It was just a paycheck to him, though,” Brent said.
I frowned. “No, it wasn’t,” I said. “It couldn’t have been. He loved his job; he was so passionate about it every time he spoke about being a firefighter.”
“What he loved about it was the fame and recognition,” Brent said, turning off the TV and looked towards me. “Trust me; I know Phil. I’ve known him a lot longer than you have. He liked the attention, and firefighting gave him the attention he craved. But obviously, the money was not enough for him, which is why he turned to drug dealing. And let’s face it, it’s in his blood.”
“That’s not f
air,” I said. “Just because his brother dealt drugs doesn’t automatically make it inevitable that Phil will go down that road, too.”
“Maybe not in every case,” he said with a shrug. “But certainly in this case it proved to be true, right?”
I sighed. “I just… I can’t get over it. All this…the drugs, the dealing… None of it fits in with his character.”
“And what makes you think you knew his character?” Brent asked. “It’s not as though he was very honest with you. He’s obviously been playing a part every time he was with you.”
“Some things were real,” I said.
I was thinking of every conversation we’d had. I was thinking of every time I had spent the night. I was thinking of every time I had woken up to find Phil’s arms wrapped around me. I had envisioned our future together, and it was easy and simple and perfect. Now all that was gone, and I couldn’t believe how naïve I had been. I guess it’s true what they said about girls being blind when they fell in love. It wasn’t as though I had much experience, either.
“You know, Meg… I was thinking,” Brent interrupted my train of thought.
“What about?” I asked.
“I don’t think Philly is the right fit for you,” he continued unexpectedly.
“What do you mean?” I said, frowning at him.
“Come on; you came here because you dropped out of school and you wanted a fresh start. Obviously, that didn’t work out for you. I don’t think city life is your thing. You’re too…honest and kind and naïve.”
“What are you saying?” I asked.
His words were hitting home, and when he mentioned that he thought I was naïve, I felt even more ridiculous. Apparently, everyone saw it, and apparently, some people had taken advantage of that.
“I’m saying maybe it would be a good idea to go back home and live with Mom and Dad for a while,” Brent suggested. “I mean, I’m sure they’d love to have you, and it’s not like you can afford a place of your own just yet, right?”
I felt like such a failure, and even though my brother’s words hurt, I realized that he might have a point. I couldn’t afford a place of my own just yet and my dream of moving in with Phil had just fallen to the wayside. Obviously, Brent didn’t want his little sister living on his couch indefinitely.
I hadn’t even though about how my presence here was disrupting his life. Maybe my only option left was going back home. The very thought depressed the hell out of me.
“I’ve got to get ready for work,” I said, getting up and heading towards the bathroom.
When I came back out, Brent was sprawled across the sofa eating a bag of potato chips for breakfast. Feeling slightly nauseous, I left for work in a haze of sadness. The moment I arrived, Marta looked at me sympathetically, and I wanted to scream.
“Hi,” she said, as I sat down.
“Hi,” I replied back, without making any eye contact.
“How are you?” she asked.
“As well as can be expected after finding out that the love of your life was a drug dealer and managed to keep it hidden from you for months and months,” I replied, without any feeling.
“Is there anything I can say that will make it better?” Marta asked kindly.
I sighed. “You can tell me that this is all a big mistake and Phil is completely innocent?” I said desperately and without any real hope.