I agreed to meet her and then I spent the rest of my shift obsessing over the coming meeting. As soon as I hung up my uniform, I showered, put on fresh jeans and a t-shirt, and drove down to the park. Everything about it was familiar and nostalgic, and I felt a pang in my heart that was a cross between happiness and pain. I walked into the large park. Megan hadn’t mentioned exactly where she would be, but she didn’t have to. I knew exactly where to find her.
She was sitting on the same swing she had been sitting on the first time I had approached her. She was wearing a lily-white dress with soft, billowy sleeves and a cinched waist. Her hair fluttered gently in the wind, hiding half her face from sight. The other half looked beautiful and sad. There was something strangely poetic about approaching a beautiful woman in a white dress.
I imagined that we were strangers, and this was nothing more than a new beginning filled with hope. I would say hello, and she would turn to me and smile. I would ask if I could sit down next to her and she would nod. We would spend the next hour talking and slowly, we would both come to realize that we were meant to be together. We would be inseparable for the next few months and then slowly the new romance would fade into solid commitment. We would go from star-crossed lovers to newlyweds, from newlyweds to young parents, and from parents to grandparents.
I almost didn’t want to call out her name because then the fantasy would fade, and we would be back to reality. It was a reality that hurt because I wasn’t sure I could forgive her yet. I hoped this conversation would help in some small way, but I wasn’t sure if it would give me clarity or confusion.
Before I called her name, Megan looked up and caught sight of me. She didn’t smile. She didn’t say anything. She just sat there, so I walked over and sat down on the swing next to hers. She looked me directly in the eye, and I could see how sad she was. It looked as though she had been crying by herself in this lonely park for some time now. A part of me wanted to reach out and touch her face and wipe away her tears, but another part of me bristled at the thought of comforting her when I was the one who was hurt.
“How are you?” she asked, at last breaking the silence.
“I’m…okay?” It sounded like a question.
“I know I hurt you,” she said softly, turning her face down towards our shadows. “I know I was wrong to have believed Brent… I know I was wrong to suspect you even for a minute. All I can say is that I was wrong, I’m so unbelievably sorry and I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”
I didn’t know how to respond. Could I forgive her? I wasn’t even sure. One thing I knew for certain was that I didn’t want to hurt Megan either. I just wasn’t sure I could be with someone who didn’t believe in the best version of myself.
“I know you’re sorry,” I said at last because I couldn’t just leave it like that.
“But you don’t know whether you can forgive me, do you?” she asked.
I could tell she was trying really hard not to cry. I wanted to reach out for her, but my pride kept me from moving. “No… I don’t.”
I saw one pearly tear fall from her eyes and then she looked away from me as more started to fall. I just sat there and let her cry, but I did reach out to take her hand. She gripped my hand tightly and returned the pressure, as though I had just offered her a lifeline. We sat like that for several minutes, until Megan’s sobbing finally faded, and the tears began to dry on her face.
“I know what I did broke our relationship,” Megan said, and the crying seemed to have given her voice strength. “I know that I broke your trust in me. I know you must hate me now.”
“I don’t hate you,” I said firmly. “I could never hate you.”
“After what my brother did—”
“Brent’s actions have nothing to do with you,” I said firmly. “I don’t blame you for the fact that your brother framed me.”
“But you do blame me…”
“It’s not blame, Megan,” I said. “It’s hurt. My life…it’s been hard, and I haven’t always had a lot of people to turn to. But the people I do have in my life… I need them to trust me. I need them to believe in me. Because there might be days when my past comes up to haunt me and I need support from the people closest to me.”
“I know,” Megan said. “I realize that now and I see what a huge mistake I made. The truly awful part is that I didn’t think you were capable of doing what you were being accused of. It’s just that…”
“You chose your brother—”
“Yes,” she said passionately. “Only, it was the wrong decision. I meant what I said on that stand in the courtroom the other day, Phil. Brent may be my brother, I have parents who I lived with for eighteen years of my life…but you are my family. It just took all this insanity to help me see that. And I promise you; it will never happen again.”
I was silent for a long time, and I could feel Megan’s fingers tense in my palm. I let go of her hand, and she withdrew it without a fight.
“Is there any hope for us?” she asked quietly.
“I don’t know right now, Megan,” I said honestly.
“I love you,” she said softly and earnestly. “Do you still love me?”
“Of course, I do.” I nodded, unable to meet her eyes. “But… I need time.”
“Then take all the time you need,” she told me. “I’ll wait.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
Megan