We lay there for a few more minutes, and then Allie got up. “Should we take a shower, at least?”
“That would probably be a good idea.”
We gathered our clothes and walked into her house. We went into the bathroom, she turned the water on lukewarm, and we both climbed in.
So much for the bike ride.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Allie
Life was undeniably good.
I wanted to shout this from the rooftops, I wanted to skip down the street, I found myself wanting to go up to perfect strangers and just start talking to them. I could not remember ever feeling this good, this happy, about things before. I’d wake up in the morning, and there’d be a smile on my face. I’d lounge around in bed, luxuriating for a few moments before happily getting up. It didn’t matter if I was going into work or had errands to run, or—even better—was going over to see Cole; I felt as though this sheen of happiness had settled over me and followed me around wherever I went.
“It’s because you’re in love,” Amy said to me. We were sitting at the Black Cat Café, getting dinner after work one evening. We had Caesar salads with grilled shrimp and were both drinking chilled white wine, which was undeniably refreshing on this rather humid day. “When you can’t get the grin off your face and everything seems great, well, that’s how you know you’re in love.”
“I have definitely never been in love before,” I said. “Is that really what this is?”
“Of course. And why not? I’ve seen the two of you together; you guys definitely have some serious chemistry. Which is awesome. In fact, I’d even say I’m a little jealous. Everyone would be, though. Cole is so hot.”
I felt myself blush a little, and I took a sip of my wine. Just talking about it made me feel giddy, and I remembered, in high school, the way some girls would get sometimes, around certain boys, their laughter, the way they couldn’t get the grins off their faces...at the time, I’d wondered what the hell was wrong with them, but now, it seemed I understood.
“Have either of you... you know, said it yet?” Amy asked.
“Said what? I love you? No. I mean, it seems a little soon for that, don’t you think?”
She shrugged. “I don’t like to be put a timeline on it. Like, it’s okay to say it after three months? Six months? Six weeks? I think it depends on each situation.”
“Well, this is the first time that I’ve ever been in this situation.”
“Really, what I mean is that you should say it when you feel it. I went out with this guy once, and I think we dated for about seven months. I liked him, but I wasn’t in love with him, so I never said it. That didn’t stop him from saying it, though.”
“Ooh,” I said, wincing. “Yeah. That must’ve been a little awkward.”
“It was. I had to pretend that I didn’t hear him, and luckily, he didn’t try saying it again.” She laughed. “Not my proudest moment, but yeah, it is wicked awkward if you say it and the person doesn’t feel the same way! That always seems to happen with me. I’m ready to say it and the guy isn’t, or vice versa.”
“I don’t want that to happen.”
“I don’t think it will. I’m not a mind reader or anything, but you and Cole just really seem to be on the same page. I would be very surprised if you said it to him, and he didn’t say it back.”
I finished my glass of wine, and when the waitress came over and asked if I wanted another, I said yes. I didn’t know if I was ready to say it out loud yet. I’d never been in love with anyone before, and though it was definitely exhilarating, there was a tiny part of me that was afraid of it, too. Because everything I was feeling right now seemed to be magnified, seemed bigger, seemed more intense, and what if I said it to Cole, and he pretended he didn’t hear me? Or told me that, while he did like me, he wasn’t in love with me?
I gulped down half my glass of wine after the waitress dropped it off. “You know, I think I might just hold off,” I said. “I don’t know if I have the nerve to do it yet.”
“It can be kind of nerve-wracking,” Amy said. “But I really don’t think that you have anything to worry about in terms of him not feeling the same way.”
“I hope you’re right,” I said.
I stopped drinking after I finished that second glass of wine because I wanted to be able to drive home and not put anyone else’s life in danger. Once I was home, though, I rummaged through the fridge and got out the bottle of Pinot Grigio I had bought the last time I went to town to grocery shop. I didn’t have any wine glasses, so I drank out of an old jelly jar.
I sat out on the deck, bringing the bottle of wine with me. I wouldn’t drink the whole thing, but I would allow myself another glass or two. The air still felt so hot and heavy, even though the sun had set a while ago.
I wouldn’t go over to Cole’s, I told myself, unless I saw the garage light go on. It was late enough that I knew Declan would be in bed, sound asleep, but I wasn’t going to go over there and knock on the door. If I saw the light go on in the garage, though, I’d know that he was out there, probably working on his bike or something, and I could at least go over and say hi.
I ended up drinking two more jelly jars of wine. I didn’t realize how tipsy I was until I went to stand up and go back inside. How much had I had at dinner? I couldn’t remember. A couple, I thought. I wasn’t completely obliterated, but I was definitely buzzed. I was about to go in through the slider door
when I looked over to Cole’s and saw that the garage light was in fact on, and a rectangle of yellow light was spilling out onto the driveway. Meaning, not only was he out there, but the garage door was open.