From where I was sitting, I could see into Allie’s yard and see part of her house. There was a light on, in what I thought was the living room, though the curtain was partially closed, so I couldn’t really see in. What was she doing in there?
I tried to push the thought from my mind, though. I could sit there all night wondering that, and that was no way to start to move on from someone.
“Yeah,” I said to Ben, taking another sip of my beer. “If you don’t mind being available next Thursday, too, that’d be great.”
On Sunday, when my parents got back from taking Declan to the water park, he had a new remote control airplane they had bought him.
“I know it’s an indulgence,” my mom said, “but he was so excited when he saw it, so we just couldn’t resist.”
We were sitting on the deck, watching as my dad and Declan played around with the remote control, and then fly the airplane into the air.
“Well, thanks again for taking him out,” I said. “Not just today, but all these Sundays.”
“It’s the least we could do, and you know that. Did you have a good time while we were out?”
I shrugged. “Yeah. I went for a bike ride.” The truth was, it was hot and humid, and with every pedal stroke I’d been tempted to just turn around, but I forced myself to finish the route.
“Declan seemed to enjoy himself today,” my mother said, watching as the plane did loops and twirls through the air. “He asked if we could go fishing next week.”
“I’ll have to dig out his old fishing pole, if I can find it.”
“We’ve still got your old one. It’s in good shape.” She paused. “He also asked us if we could invite Allie.”
“Did he?”
“Yes. He said since you usually don’t go with us, that maybe Allie could go.”
“Oh. Well... that doesn’t entirely surprise me. He’s been asking about her.”
“It’s hard, isn’t it? And he doesn’t understand the details about all of that. Not that he should, at that age.”
“I know. I tried to explain it to him the best I could, but I think it just frustrated him even more. Because Declan thinks if we’re fighting, we should just make up and then everything can go back to the way it used to.”
My mother smiled faintly. “Wouldn’t it be nice if it were that easy?”
“It would.”
“This whole thing has been bothering me, though,” she said. “I’ve been losing sleep over it.”
“You’re not the only one who’s been losing sleep over things.” I paused. “I went and saw a therapist on Thursday.”
“You did?”
“Yes. I’m not sure if I’m going to continue with the therapy, though.”
“It’s good you’re at least trying it. It can really help. I appreciate you telling me. Though I feel guilty over that, too. I think I’m probably a large reason why you’re in therapy to begin with.”
“You feel guilty over a lot of things, don’t you?” The reply sounded snappier than I meant it to.
“Of course I do,” my mother said. “How could I not? But we can’t go back in time. We can’t go back and change things, no matter how much I sometimes wish that we could.”
“I know, Mom.”
She took a deep breath and then exhaled loudly. “You know,” she said, “there was a time when I lost both you and your sister. Do you remember that? I think you were probably 6 or so.”
“You lost us?”
“I lost the two of you. For almost an hour. We had gone to Provincetown, and were walking down Commercial Street. We had just stopped at the saltwater taffy place, and you and Marissa had little bags of candy. And then your father and I happened to run into friends of ours that we hadn’t seen in ages, and we started talking, and they hadn’t met you guys before, so we introduced you, and you guys went and sat on one of the benches out front of this little shop that we were standing by, and I just... I got caught up in the conversation. Your father and I both did. And I remember finally looking over—I don’t even remember how much time had passed—and the bench was empty.”