“Why is that such a big problem?” he asked.
“Because… What if she gets attached?” I said, feeling like a complete asshole.
“And that would be bad because…”
“I don’t have time for a relationship right now,” I said firmly. “I don’t have time for a woman—any woman—even Molly.”
“Then you better tell her that.”
“After I’ve slept with her?”
He shrugged. “What choice do you have?”
“I promised her a job, too,” I groaned, hitting my head with the palm of my hand.
“What?” he asked incredulously.
“The human resources job,” I said. “That was Molly’s position before she was laid off, and she was really good at her job. I offered her the post here if she liked Hawaii enough to stay. I mentioned it to Jason, as well.”
“You knew all this, and you slept with her, anyway?” I could sense the judgment in Ben’s tone.
“Give me a break, okay?” I said, knowing I deserved the condescension. “I was drunk.”
He raised his eyebrows. “You weren’t that drunk.”
“Drunk enough,” I said, trying to justify my poor decision making.
“I’m sure Molly will take that excuse well,” Ben said sarcastically.
I sighed. “I should have just stayed away from her,” I groaned. “Why didn’t I just walk away when I saw her last night?”
“Can I ask you a personal question?”
“We’re past the point of personal now, man,” I pointed out. “What’s the question?”
“How do you feel about Molly?” Ben asked curiously.
I paused for a moment. “She’s… Well… I like her. I’ve always liked Molly.”
“That doesn’t say very much,” he said. “I’m asking you what your feelings towards her are?”
I sat back in my chair, feeling a headache come on. It felt like there was a throbbing at the back of my head. “It’s complicated,” I said at last. “I’ve known Molly since I was eighteen and she was fourteen. In some ways, I’ve watched her grow up.”
“She’s not fourteen anymore,” Ben pointed out. “Why are you so hung up on the girl she used to be?”
“It’s not that,” I said, shaking my head. “It’s me… I’m not sure I’m the kind of guy who can commit to one woman. And even if I could, I have no idea how I’d be in a relationship. I’m more likely to ignore her after the first few months. I just don’t want to attempt something I know I’m not going to be good at…not with Molly.”
“So you’re trying to protect her from yourself?”
“Yes,” I said. “She’s special, and I don’t want to hurt her. And not just because of Jason. Because she’s a good person, she’s a kind person, and she deserves to be happy.”
Ben looked at me carefully for a while. “I feel like there’s history between you two.”
I bit my lip. “I wouldn’t call it history,” I clarified. “But we did kiss one night six years ago.”
“And, have you thought about that kiss in the past six years?”
“More often than you would believe,” I admitted.