"Thank you, babe," he said. "You won't regret this."
I already did. I looked at the phone until the backlight went out. At least this time, I'd be ready.
Chapter Twenty-One
Roman
I looked over at the flowers in the passenger seat next to me. It had seemed like a good idea picking them up, but now, sitting outside her building, I had to wonder whether it looked like I was trying to buy her with them.
The truth was I was ready to do anything to get her back, but at the same time, I had to be honest with myself that she wasn't. I felt like we wanted the same thing when we were together. All I wanted was to stay that way, and I'd put money on her wanting that, too. There was something there, though, something standing in our way.
Me. I was what it was. Not really me, but what I did. It just became me by extension because now, Ron thought the way to make sure she never got hurt again was to avoid me. It made sense. It was the normal, rational conclusion anyone would come to after being through what she had. But right now, I needed her to stop listening to her heart and just... Fuck, just listen to me.
Listen to whatever she had inside her that meant we could still go on dates, talk, and have sex, and she could be comfortable doing it. I knew it was going to be an uphill battle with her, and I got it. Giving up just would have been easier. Not what I wanted, not satisfactory, or smart, or even what I needed to do. Just easier.
Well, this is what the fuck happens when you break something. You put it the fuck back together again, I thought, heading up to her place. I knocked and waited for her, the flowers were in my hand, hanging at my side. I wished I hadn't gotten them; they weren't going to fix this.
The door opened and there she was. The first thing I noticed was her hair. It wasn't straight this time. Soft, bouncy curls tumbling down her shoulders, the way I liked it. Her dress was simpler, white fabric coming down to just over her knees. She crossed her arms looking at me.
"Hi," she said softly.
"Hey. You look good," I said coming in. I cupped her face and kissed her. She didn't pull back or turn away, but her body language was reserved. I had seen this coming. She thanked me and invited me in. I gave her the flowers, getting a small smile out of her, but that was it before she disappeared into the kitchen to put them in a vase. I stood in her living room waiting for her to come back.
"Are you ready?" I asked her when she was out again. She moved the vase inches left, then right, then left again over and over till she was satisfied with its spot on the table.
"Yeah. Let me just grab my purse," she said. Would some enthusiasm kill her? I thought darkly. After that phone call yesterday, this was going to be ha
rd. I knew where she stood now and it wasn't where I wanted her to be. It was my fault that she wasn't, but that didn't change that it was true. I didn't want her to be scared and uncertain when it came to me. I wanted her to feel like she could rely on me.
"Should we leave?" she asked, making for the door. I held her hand, stopping her.
"Wait. Ron," I started. She looked up at me. "What we talked about yesterday?"
"Yeah?"
"I know it's going to take more than me just telling you that you have nothing to worry about. I still want to say it, though. I need you to know that I love you, Ron, and I never stopped. This is probably more than I deserve from you, but I love you for giving me a chance. All I want is you back in my life and I am going to do whatever I have to do to deserve you again."
"It needs to happen naturally," she said to me. "We're not in the same place right now, and if it's going to work at all, then you need to allow me to catch up."
"All I want is for you to trust me again."
"Then you need to give me time to get there. I'm not going to lie and say that it will happen fast or easily, but I'm here, and I'm open to trying again. My feelings didn't fade, either. I just need to be in a place where I can feel comfortable again." She paused and sighed. "I don't know what I'm doing."
"It'll be fine. Just trust me. I want you to."
"I'll try," she said quietly, shrugging. That was all I was getting. I knew that. I didn't even have the right to try to ask for more.
"Thank you," I said, kissing her forehead.
"Where are we going tonight?" she asked once we were in the car. She hadn't complained or asked to take separate rides. That was a small win, but still meant she was putting in effort.
"I was thinking that one place we went to for Tiff's birthday that one year," I said, pulling out onto the street.
"Before you left? The Mexican place when she was turning nineteen?"
"That's the one," I said, almost proud that she remembered so well.
"Are you set on having Mexican tonight?"