I paused. She had noticed. “So… what’s your point?”
“Something has stopped you from sleeping around with random strangers since I came here.”
I saw the point she was trying to make. It was the same one I had made about her the other day, and when it was thrown in my face, I didn’t like it one bit either.
“That’s nothing but a coincidence,” I said defensively.
“Is it?”
“I’ve just been busy running around trying to find your boyfriend—”
“Ex-boyfriend,” Mila corrected quickly.
“Whatever… that I haven’t had time to concentrate on anything else.”
“You did have time to take me out to dinner once though… remember?” Mila pointed out.
“That was…” I stumbled over my words, realizing that I didn’t have an excuse I could give her.
“That was what?” Mila persisted. “That was kindness… sentimentality… what was it, Zack?”
“It was pity,” I snapped. “I felt sorry for you… that’s all.”
“Fuck you,” Mila said, rising to her feet. “I thought you told me you were always honest. Where’s the honesty in that lie?”
I stood up to, completely losing track of anything smart to say. “Just so you know, I’ve fucked tons of women since you came here. I just haven’t brought them here… out of respect.”
I saw Mila pause for a moment, wondering if that really was true. I could see her doubt and uncertainty, and it hurt me a little, despite the fact that my intention had been to create it in the first place.
“Respect?” she repeated, after a silent second. “Since when have you ever respected me?”
“I respected you enough to let you stay in my house,” I pointed out. “I respected you enough to train you and teach you and treat you like an equal.”
Mila took a step towards me and stared straight up at me. I saw tears pool in the corners of her eyes, but she didn’t look sad at all. It was just moisture created from the depth of her emotion and the heat of our conversation. I could almost feel waves of steam wafting off our bodies.
“Please… don’t pretend to be someone you’re not,” Mila said, narrowing her eyes at me. “I can see the persona you want to portray to the world. But I see past you.”
I took another step towards her. “Or maybe… you’re just incapable of seeing the real me. Because one thing is clear… you don’t know me.”
“And you don’t know me,” Mila said heatedly. “So don’t presume to think that I feel something I don’t.”
“Is this about our conversation the other day?” I asked, giving her a mocking smile.
“Let’s make one thing very clear,” she said. “I am not in love with you. You are all wrong for me.”
“Just because I’m all wrong for you does not mean you are not in love with me,” I said. “See, Mila? I do know you. You may not like to admit that, and I can understand why. But I do know you. But admitting that means you’re forced to admit that I’m right about you… and you’re scared.”
Mila was silent for a long time. I thought for a second she would just turn around and walk out of me, but it was almost like she was coming to terms with her feelings as we stood there, facing off against one another.
“Maybe I am scared,” she said suddenly, and I raised my eyes in surprise. “But you know what I see when I look at you? I recognize the same fear.”
“Me? I… I’m not scared of anything.”
Mila laughed. “You’re an idiot, Zack. You know why? Because you kissed me the first day I moved into this house, because you listened to my past and my pain and my fears. Because you made it your mission to make sure I could defend myself, because you stayed away from other woman ever since I came into your life. Don’t you get it? If you think I’m scared… if you think I’m in love with you… then the feeling is mutual, buddy. Because you fell in love with me the moment you set eyes on me. And that’s the truth you’re so scared to admit.”
I stood there, frozen in place, wondering why her words had the power to render me speechless. Why did they have the power to create goosebumps on my skin? Why was I standing there like some mute idiot, trying to find a way to pick apart her argument… but coming up with none?
I was not the kind of guy who fell in love. I was not the kind of guy who wanted that kind of feeling in my life. Because past experience had taught me that love was pain… and loss and heartbreak. It had been for my parents, and I had vowed as a teenager to stay away from it.