Still, there was nothing that could bring down my mood today. It was one of the warmest days of summer, the perfect day for a picnic with my family. I couldn't wait.
Finally, all three kids were strapped in, and Eric had loaded everything into the trunk.
“Phew,” I said under my breath as we buckled ourselves in and he backed carefully out of the driveway. Getting all of the kids ready to go, dressed in appropriate clothing and wearing sunblock, and then actually herding them out of the house and into the car, was never an easy feat. Every time we made it, I sent up a small thanks to whatever bit of universe might be listening in.
Eric smiled over at me, but I could see a question in his eyes. I knew that there were some moments where we both wondered whether we had taken on too much, with three kids between us now. But this wasn't one of those moments.
I reached over and caught his hand where it rested on the gearshift, squeezing it lightly. Eric's smile broadened. He was far too cute for his own good.
The cemetery was quiet when we got there, and it was cool in the shade of the copious, leafy trees. Some people might consider it a strange place to have a picnic, but it was peaceful there, and a good place for reflection. We tried to come back at least a few times a year as a family, to visit Emily's grave as well as Mom's.
Well, it was quiet until the kids got there, anyway. I smiled over at Emma and Anne, as Emma chased the younger girl around. Emma might have the height advantage, but Anne was agile as a little colt. And, I suspected that Emma was letting her get away. She was a great big sister, and I loved watching the two of them play together: it reminded me of everything that I'd always wanted when I was growing up.
Eric helped me spread out the picnic blanket beneath one of the larger trees and then called over to the girls. “Remember to watch out for the gravestones!”
“We will, Daddy!” Emma called back.
“We will, Daddy!” Anne echoed.
I smiled at them and started unpacking the lunch. The beauty of my situation washed over me and gave me pause. I’d lost a lot in my life, but I’d gained a lot as well. I was grateful for just being me for a few minutes as I watched them.
“Do you want me to help you out or go see if I can catch the girls?” Eric asked, his voice pulling me from my reverie.
I glanced over to where Davey was happy lying, staring wide-eyed up at the leaves. He was being no trouble at the moment, so I smiled at Eric. “Go catch the girls, if you can,” I told him. “We'll be fine here.”
“All right,” Eric said, bending over to give me a quick kiss. Then, he raced off after our two girls. I grinned, listening to them screech with laughter.
My heart swelled with love for all three of them, plus Davey. To this day, several years after our wedding, I was still so glad that we'd been able to put aside our differences and build all of this. I had never been this happy in my life, and I didn't know if such happiness would have been possible without the four of them in my life.
Eric returned not too long afterward, one girl slung over each shoulder even though I knew Emma was probably getting a little too big for that to be comfortable. It was hard to believe that she would be seven soon. Then again, it was equally hard to believe that Anne would be starting preschool in the fall.
I felt a little pang of sadness at the thought of her not being home to keep me company for much longer, but then again, I now had Davey to keep me occupied. And keep me occupied, he certainly had! He was a lot fussier than Anne had ever been, and as if on cue, he started to make unhappy noises right them.
“Right, I'll feed the girls, you take care of the little one,” Eric suggested, already started to scoop potato salad onto each of the plates.
I smiled gratefully at him as I scooped up Davey into the crook of my arm. I still didn't know what I would have done if I hadn't had him there beside me every step of the way. Anne hadn't been anywhere near as fussy as Davey was, but that didn't mean that she'd been without her challenges. One of these days, I was going to have to find a special way to show Eric how much I appreciated his help.
Not that we don't already show that to one another every single day, I thought as he happened to look up and smile over at me.
“Eww, you guys are being gross again,” Emma said, covering her eyes, and her younger sister followed her lead. Davey started giggling, probably thinking that we were about to play a game of peekaboo, and I had to roll my eyes fondly at the girls.
“Eat your lunch,” I said.
“Yes, Mom,” Emma sighed.
We ate our lunches, Eric taking over bottle duty midway through so that I could get a few bites in as well. Then, the girls were off again.
I shook my head. “You'd think that running around like that so soon after eating would make both of them sick,” I commented. Eric laughed as he lay Davey down gently into his chair. The baby, for all his usual fussiness, yawned and drifted off to sleep after a moment. “You're a miracle worker,” I said, nodding toward the boy.
“Is that what they're calling the boys these days?” Eric teased. Then, his face turned serious. “Come on, let me work one more miracle on you,” he coaxed. “Turn around.”
I did so and groaned as he dug his talented fingers into the knotted muscles of my shoulders. “Fuck, that feels good,” I said, glad the kids were running around so that I didn't have to worry about my choice of language.
“When we get home, I'm going to watch after the kids for a little while, and you're going to go upstairs to take a nice bubble bath,” he said.
“Mm,” I hummed, letting my head drop forward as he continued working. “I can't let you do that, though. Three kids on your own is a lot.”
“Well, good thing Emma and Anne are going to be exhausted and will probably fall asleep watching a movie,” Eric said, smirking, and I laughed at how well-thought-out his plan was.