“I can't even believe that you would think that.”
“I don't want to see Luke hurt.” He looked over his shoulder.
Rage flew through me. “That's the last thing I want to do, Ryan! I just don't know how we could ever... you know what? It doesn't matter. I am pissed that either of you would even believe something like that. I care about Luke. I want Luke!” I said it before I even realized that I actually did want Luke. I wanted all of it. Maybe I had been fighting a primal pull that I hadn't realized was even there, but when the words left my mouth, I knew they were true. Ryan’s gaze softened.
“I know you do. I’ve always known.” He shrugged and then walked toward me and pulled me into a hug. I was so angry that the tears fell. They came from nowhere, and maybe it was me finally letting go, maybe it was just that I didn't like people talking or assuming things about me.
“You're fine. I think maybe you and Luke need to have a chat, though.” He pushed me away from him. Brushing the tears from my eyes with his thumbs, he smiled and kissed the top of my head in that brotherly way he always did.
I walked around him and made my way toward the parking lot. I knew he was out here somewhere, but I wasn't sure where, so I just walked around until I spotted his truck. When I spotted him, he had his arms outstretched, his head lowered between them. He was mumbling when I got to him.
“Just go,” he said without looking up.
“I think we need to talk,” I said softly, taking another step toward him.
He looked up between his arms, and the look in his eyes said more than his words ever would. He was hurting, and it was my fault.
“I haven't done the things he said,” I assured him, looking down at the ground.
“He seemed pretty sure of himself.”
“I wouldn't do that to you, Luke.”
“You haven't done anything thing to me.”
“Then why are you so upset?” I asked taking a step closer. I could feel the anger radiating from him.
He looked up at me but didn't say anything. I knew I had to be very clear in my next statement, but I also knew I was standing on shaky ground.
“I don't want a boyfriend, or... I didn't want one.” I reached out and placed my hand on his bicep. Hard muscle moved under his skin, and he readjusted and stood.
“So, now you do? And you chose that douche canoe?” He looked down at me, eyes blazing.
I don't know why, I did what I did, but I stepped into his arms and wrapped him tightly in mine.
“I don't want him,” I said against his chest. I could hear his heart hammering away, even before I laid my head against it. He didn't move or touch me. He just stood there, letting me hold him.
“I can't do this, Emerson.” He said, and I pulled back, looking into his eyes.
“What if I told you I was stupid and that I realized something a few minutes ago.”
“And what was that?” He looked down at me.
“That you’re what I want and that I just hadn't realized it until I saw you hurting and knew there was a chance I was the cause. I never want to see you hurt, and I certainly don’t want to be the cause.” I looked tenderly up at him.
He looked down at me, and the fierceness in his gaze lost some of its intensity. His arms lifted and landed on my shoulders, and he pushed me away slightly. My heart cracked a little at his movement.
“Luke, I've waited a long time to say that to someone and actually mean it.”
He looked down at me. I wanted to see a smile, one that he had shared with me more times than I deserved, but at this moment, I needed to see it. He didn't smile, though. He didn't move. He just stood there.
“I don't know what else to say other than I'm sorry I waited. I shouldn't have acted the way I did, and I'm sorry.” Tears welled in my eyes and began to sting my throat. I didn't want him to see me cry, so I turned and started to walk away from him. He caught my arm and jerked me back to face him. He had never been rough with me, but when his lips landed on mine, there was a force behind them. I melted into his arms. His grip was a vice of strength, his way of telling me I was his. When his grip loosened slightly, I tried to pull away, but his hand found my hair, and he pushed my head until our mouths were joined in a dance older than time itself.
The earth shifted, and my mind became clear. Clear as to what I wanted in life, and it was Luke. I wanted all of him. We stood there locked together for merely minutes, when what I wanted was an eternity. I wanted him to never stop kissing me. The high was like bungee jumping, knowing that you could die but still stepping off that platform. I was floating through space, Luke my only tether.
He slowly pulled back, his lips still brushing lightly against mine. “I have waited forever for that,” he whispered against my mouth. He kissed my nose and my cheeks and then found his way back to my mouth. I ran a finger over his cheek and then to his lips. He kissed me again, this time it was soft, pulling me back down to earth. My heart was pounding in rhythm with his, threatening to pop out of my chest. My breathing was ragged, and as each breath escaped my lips, his mouth was there to catch the exhale. As reality of where we were started to sink in, I flushed with embarrassment and moved to step back.
“Don't do that.” He pulled me closer to him, tucking my head into the crook of his neck. With our bodies so close, I could feel his hardness against my belly, my insides clenched in excitement that I could have that effect on him.