“Things were tight for Carl before,” I said, “because he didn’t have enough land, and he needed more land, but with this new land, we can expand things, and that means it’ll be way more profitable. Gotta spend money to make money.”
“Huh. I guess I’ve never thought about it much.”
We lapsed mostly into silence as we began assembling the crib. I occasionally asked for her to hold something, or she asked a question here and there but not much else.
Aspyn stood when we finished. “Kadie’s been awfully quiet.”
My heart sped up. It wasn’t like my new house was a death trap, but I’d not made it toddler-proof yet. The playroom only had one exit, though, so it wasn’t like she could wander off.
I jumped to my feet, rushing into the other room. Kadie lay curled up on the floor, her hands tucked underneath her head, taking a nap.
Aspyn hurried in after me. She smiled. “I guess she can test the crib out now.”
I picked up Kadie. She nuzzled my shoulder as I carried her into the other room and laid her in the crib.
“She’ll need her bed sooner than I thought,” I said, looking down at my daughter asleep on top of the mattress in the crib. “Now that I see how big she is in the crib.”
“Sure, but not today.”
“Still, better to do it now.”
Aspyn sighed. “She’s growing up so fast. Guess I’ll need to get her a bed for my house too.”
I almost asked her to move in right then and there, but I stopped myself. It’d be a dumbass move.
A serious expression settled over Aspyn’s face, and she turned to me. “Why?”
“Huh?”
“I know why you came back, but once you found out you had a kid, why didn’t you go running?”
“Why the hell would I run?” I blinked, trying to figure out Aspyn’s angle on this.
She stared down at the sleeping little girl. “I mean, maybe not run from town, but once you knew about her, you wanted to be involved.” She gestured around. “You even bought this house thinking about her.”
“I don’t get it. You don’t think I should have thought that way?”
“No, no.” Aspyn shook her head. “It’s just that you didn’t have to. I’ll admit I’ve even made it hard for you. It would have been easy for you to say you’ll write a check, or you didn’t want to be involved, but you want to be involved.” She locked eyes with me. “So why?”
I opened my mouth and then shut it. I knew exactly why. Love.
I accepted it now, fully and freely. I loved Aspyn and probably had for a long time. Part of the reason I didn’t want to contact her after my accident was that I’d been afraid she’d reject me.
If I loved Aspyn, then as far I could figure, anything that came from that love was a great thing, like Kadie.
Of course, a man had responsibilities, and I’d never walk away for that reason alone, but love helped bring me back to Livingston and helped me push through the darkness that swallowed me.
Aspyn continued to stare at me expectantly.
I wanted to tell how much I loved her, but something felt wrong. I don’t know what. The timing, maybe? For all I knew, it was the cowardice I’d thought I escaped.
“A man who walks away from his responsibilities,” I said finally, “is no kind of man at all.”
She nodded slowly, her face blank. I couldn’t tell if she believed me or not.
Aspyn leaned in and gave me a light kiss. “Well, thank you, Alex. That’s all I can say.” She nodded toward the box containing the toddler bed frame. “Maybe we should get started on that.”
“Yeah, maybe we should.”