I sank into one of the seats at the kitchen table, just staring at the thing. It felt worse, holding that package, than it had felt to hold the pregnancy test with the lines indicating that I was, in fact, pregnant. At least then, I’d had options. The DNA test just felt like a slap in the face.
First of all, I couldn’t believe how quickly Ace had had it sent to me. And without even talking to me. Didn’t he believe me? I knew that Ava was his. I hadn’t slept with anyone else in a long while before I’d slept with him, and there had been no one else between sleeping with him and finding out that I was pregnant. Ava was definitely his; that had never been a question.
Maybe he thought I wasn’t sure, though. Maybe that was his reasoning for why I had never told him. For a moment, I wanted to pretend that that was it. I wanted to invent another guy who might have been Ava’s dad. I wanted to tell Ace that I would have told him if only I’d been sure.
But I knew I couldn’t do that. The truth would come out eventually. And anyway, it was lies that had gotten me into this mess, even if they were lies of omission. I couldn’t do any more lying.
Not least of which because I still, regardless of what Ace was thinking right now, regardless of the fact that he had sent me this DNA test, knew that I was in love with Ace.
I opened the package with trembling fingers and scanned the instructions. They were remarkably simple, actually. It took hardly any time before I was putting the package back together, ready to be mailed out on Monday.
Of course, I could take it to the post office and get it sent out that day, but I didn’t have the energy for that. I’d have to get dressed, and I’d have to get Ava ready to go as well. I’d much rather just hang out around the house that day. Maybe watch a movie or two. Order takeout so that I wouldn’t have to cook anything. It’s not like there was any rush anyway.
I went back to the couch, and Ava crawled into my lap, holding out her stuffed dog. “He made me feel better when I was yucky,” she said, in the infinite wisdom of a toddler. Of course, her stuffed dog would make me feel better.
I gave her a tired smile, wishing things were that simple. If she only knew what was going on inside my head right now. If she only knew that Mr. Ace was her daddy.
But I couldn’t tell her that. I didn’t know if Ace planned to stick around. I had no idea what he was thinking now. I checked my phone again, hoping to see that he had called me, but there was nothing. I sighed and set it down on the side table. Then, I put on a kids’ movie and settled in to watch, hoping it would cheer me up at least a little.
Halfway through the movie, it suddenly hit me. There was a hurry. At least in Ace’s eyes. I suddenly realized exactly why he had sent the box. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe me. It wasn’t that he refused to believe that Ava was really his. It was because he needed proof of parentage. He needed something that he could take to court and have them believe.
Because that was the first step of proving his right to have custody of his daughter.
I felt sick to my stomach. Even though I’d considered it as a possibility, I hadn’t really wanted to believe that Ace would try to take Ava away from me. To be honest, even though I hadn’t wanted to let myself think along those lines, I’d kind of thought that if Ace decided he was ready to h
ave kids, that he was willing to have kids, then he and I would continue our relationship and we’d raise Ava together.
I hadn’t really thought that he would be willing to take Ava away and try to raise her on his own. But then again, he had been pretty mad at me the other night. After all the time that I’d kept her away from him, he deserved to take her away from me.
I swallowed hard, tempted to throw the box away. No DNA test, no way to prove that he was actually the father. No way for him to sue for custody of her.
But that wasn’t fair, and I knew it. No matter how upset I was, I knew that Ace deserved to know his kid. And if he wanted to take her away from me, he had every right to do so. I hadn’t exactly been the world’s best mother. I knew the only reason I hadn’t told Ace about her sooner was that I selfishly wanted to keep Ava to myself and because I wanted to continue my relationship with Ace without worrying about things being too complicated.
For the rest of the day and all of the next day, the box sat there on the counter, haunting me. I wanted to call Ace. Or text him, at least. To ask him what he was planning. I wondered if he had a lawyer already and if I needed to get a lawyer. How did you even do that anyway? Get a lawyer. I supposed I could research it online, but doing that would make it all so real.
I felt horrible enough anyway, without finding out what my chances were of getting to keep Ava to myself.
Finally, on Sunday afternoon, I couldn’t take it anymore. I got dressed and got Ava ready to go out, and we drove over to Mom’s place. Mom could tell immediately that something was up, from the moment she answered the door.
As soon as Ava was playing contentedly in her playroom, Mom cornered me. “What happened?” she asked. “Did you and Ace break up?”
“Not exactly,” I sighed. I put my head in my hands. “I tried to tell him about Ava. But he already knew.”
“That’s a relief, isn’t it?” Mom asked, sounding confused. “If he knew she was his the whole time, he clearly wasn’t too upset with you.”
“I don’t know, he was pretty mad,” I said. “He accused me of lying to him the whole time we were dating. And he wanted to know why, and I just didn’t know what to say. And then he stormed out.”
“Yikes,” Mom said.
“That’s not the worst part,” I told her. I bit my lower lip and then exhaled noisily. “He sent me a DNA kit yesterday. He wants proof that she’s his.”
“Well, that makes sense,” Mom said matter-of-factly. “He probably needs to have that proof so that he can sort out child support and things like that. If the two of you were married, it would be a different thing. But since you’re not, the law requires certain things.”
“But I haven’t asked him to pay child support,” I said, shaking my head. “You know I don’t need that. I have a good job.”
“I know that,” Mom said. “And I’m sure Ace does as well. But he probably just wants to contribute his fair share.”
“Maybe,” I said doubtfully. “I was thinking more that he needs that proof if he wants to sue me for custody of her.”