Ava frowned. “Is he going to live with us?” she asked.
“No, I’m not going to live with you,” Ace said, shaking his head. He glanced over at me, something unreadable on his face.
“Okay,” Ava said, shrugging her thin shoulders. “I just wanted to the doggies to come live with me.”
“You know, the doggies don’t even live with me,” Ace said. “They have their own special house, and I just drive there every morning.”
“Oh,” Ava said. She slid off the couch and went over to climb up into her dad’s lap. “That’s smart. Because if you had lots and lots and lots of dogs, you would need a big house.”
“I would,” Ace agreed, stifling a smile. “And it would probably get pretty loud sometimes, too.”
“So if you’re my daddy, does that mean you love Mama?” Ava asked, cocking her head to the side.
I felt as if all the air had been pushed out of my lungs. But Ace took it in stride, smiling over at me. “Well, your mama is a very special lady, isn’t she?” he asked.
“Uh-huh,” Ava agreed. And she was off, asking Ace all sorts of questions, mostly questions about the dogs. She wanted to know if he had any big dogs or little dogs, and then she wanted to know if she could see them soon and if they were all working dogs or if some of them were fun dogs, too.
I watched the two of them, feeling almost as though there was a band constricting around my heart. It was too precious, seeing them together like that. Ava seemed to be taking the whole conversation better than I was. And Ace, somehow, still looked totally unruffled. I couldn’t believe this was the man who had thought he should never have kids.
He was an amazing dad already. And this was pretty much his first day on the job. I could never have expected him to fit so seamlessly into Ava’s life. It was as though he filled some missing piece that I hadn’t even been aware was there.
And that terrified me. Before, when I’d been afraid of losing him, I’d been afraid of losing him for me. And I loved him. It would be difficult to lose him. But now, I was afraid that Ava was going to lose him as well. That she was going to lose her dad. I hated the thought of that.
Surely Ace wouldn’t change his mind about this, would he? He wouldn’t just decide that being involved in Ava’s life was too much work and that he wasn’t interested?
But of course, he wouldn’t. If he was that type of guy, I wouldn’t have been with him to begin with. And I definitely wouldn’t have brought him back into our lives.
There was a nagging part of my brain that continued to doubt, though. What did I really know about Ace, even after all this time? I was still learning important things about him. He’d had a terrible childhood—what if he really wasn’t wired to be part of a warm, loving family? What if he decided he’d just had enough of us, packed his bags, and left?
What if he left without saying goodbye again?
But I knew that one wasn’t fair. I couldn’t continue to hold that against him. Especially not when I knew exactly why he’d left without saying goodbye. I believed him when he said that there just hadn’t been time. And I was the one who really disappeared without saying goodbye.
I got up and headed into the kitchen, under the pretense of needing a drink of water. But really, I just had to get out of that room. Had to stop watching the two of them together. I already knew that I was in love with Ace, but each new question from Ava seemed to cement it even further.
I sipped at my water, reaching out to lightly trace the edge of one of the flower petals.
“Are you okay?” Ace asked from the doorway.
I gave him a startled, guilty look. “Yeah, I’m fine,” I said, tossing my hair back over my shoulder. “Why?” I frowned. “Where’s Ava?”
“She’s drawing a picture of her new flowers,” he said. He grinned. “She seems to like them okay.” He paused. “You look a little pale. Are you sure you’re all right?”
His concern for me was just another kick to the heart. In the best way possible, but still. It was already difficult enough to keep my hands off him, and he wasn’t making things any easier. Charming Ava, worming his way into my heart as well.
I swallowed hard. “I’m fine,” I finally managed. I was still trying desperately to hold on to the idea that he and I didn’t need to be together. That we couldn’t get romantically involved. It was just going to make things harder, more confusing.
But I was starting to really wonder whether it was possible to keep myself away from him. I was starting to doubt my willpower. And we weren’t even through the first supervised visit with Ava.
Speaking of Ava, she chose that moment to race back into the kitchen, triumphantly holding up her picture for her dad. “Look!” she said. “Those are my flowers. And that’s me. And that’s you, and that’s Mama. Do you like it?”
Ace looked at the colorful scribbles as though it was the most precious thing
in the world. As though it was a masterpiece that should be hung up in some art gallery. “It’s beautiful,” he told Ava seriously. He glanced over at me, his eyes finding mine. “Absolutely beautiful.”
I couldn’t tell what he was actually commenting on: the drawing, Ava, or me. But whatever his real meaning was, it warmed my heart.
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