I moved my finger left slightly towards the discard icon just as the door to Jake’s office opened, and he stepped out. He looked in my general direction without actually meeting my eyes.
“Have you finished my schedule for the week?” he demanded.
“Uh…yes,” I nodded.
“Then what are you waiting for?” he asked with one raised eyebrow. “Send it to me immediately.”
Then he disappeared back into his office, and I was left biting my tongue to keep from screaming out a string of profanities. When I had composed myself somewhat, I looked down at my screen and realized immediately that something was not right.
“Wait,” I said, staring at the little fluttering icon in the middle of my screen that told me an email was being sent. “Wait… No, no, no… This can’t be happening.”
Apparently, my finger had accidentally pressed the send button when Jake had been barking at me about the schedule. There was no way to retrieve it now. It would have already landed in his inbox, and there was nothing I could do about it.
“Fuck,” I said desperately, trying to figure out a way to take the email back. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”
“Kristen?” I looked up to see one of the other personal assistants walking through. She looked at me with concern. “Is everything alright?”
“No everything is not alright,” I said, with my eyes still glued to my screen. “I think I just made a huge mistake.”
; “Oh… Well, can it be fixed?” Mona asked.
“I don’t think so,” I cried, putting my head in my hands.
“What are you going to do?” she asked.
I bit my lip. “I think I’m going to have to start looking for a new job.”
Chapter Eleven
Jake
I had been a complete dick to Kristen, and I knew it. To make matters worse, I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about that cinnamon coffee she had brought me earlier. I knew I should have gone out there and said something to her. I should have apologized for the way I’d been treating her, but my pride prevented me from doing that.
I sighed and leaned back in my chair, wondering if at the heart of it, I wasn’t the great guy I had always thought I was. Was that why things with Daphne and derailed so fast towards the end? I wondered. Maybe it had nothing to do with Noah and his birth. Maybe it had everything to do with me. I had spent the weeks and months following Daphne’s funeral thinking about those last few weeks before she had been deployed. They had been the most stressful and disheartening weeks of my life.
Daphne and I had spent those last two weeks tiptoeing around one another. We barely stayed in the same room together because we both knew that if we did, then we would talk to one another, and it would inevitably end up in a fight. So we had lived in the same house, slept in the same bed, and eaten at the same table, but our lives were already separate. There were moments when it felt like she had already gone. She would be sitting across from me at the dinner table, and it felt like she was a thousand miles away.
I used to watch her with Noah sometimes. She would kiss his head and his cheeks and say sweet words to him and hug him close to her—and it never made sense to me. Nothing she ever said in those months made sense to me. And maybe that was the real reason she wanted to leave again. She certainly couldn’t lean on me, and stubborn as I was, I’d never let her feel like she could in the first place.
Sighing, I tried to concentrate on my work, but nothing seemed to hold my attention for long. I decided to open up my mail and check for new messages. I had a few emails that didn’t seem so important, and one from my aunt in Colorado. She checked in with me every now and again, and I made sure to stay in touch because she was the only real family I had left.
Of course Isabelle was family too, but ever since Daphne’s death she had started travelling. It was a way to escape and I understood that, but it also meant that we didn’t see her as often as we used to. She and I kept in contact only sporadically and when we did, it was all about Noah and not much else.
I noticed an email from Kristen that had been sent about an hour ago. There was no subject, which was off because she usually told me exactly why she was emailing in the subject line. I opened it up and started reading. The first line had my eyebrows up, and it soon became clear what the email was. It was a personal letter that she had penned in frustration and anger, and it was chewing me out for the way I had been treating her over the last few weeks.
At first, I was slightly annoyed by her tone and her bluntly direct insults. But as I read more and more of it, I realized that she had every right to write to me and every right to be outraged by my treatment of her. Somehow, I didn’t think she had it in her, but I was impressed that she had sent me the letter, at all. I read the letter once and then re-read it a second time. The second reading had me smiling a little, and I realized it was actually quite amusing. I didn’t take it lightly, nor was I brushing off her hurt; I just happened to like the spirit she showed.
The third time I read through the email, I started thinking about Daphne. She’d had the same fire in her. She was straightforward and forthright, and she was not afraid to say what she had to or call me out when she thought I was being a dick. That was what I had missed most about her after Noah’s birth. She had transformed into someone I didn’t recognize. I kept waiting for her to call me out half the time, and she never did. That should have tipped me off right there. She needed me, she was so far gone that she wasn’t really herself anymore, and I should have seen that.
There was something about Kristen’s letter that reminded me of Daphne. And instead of depressing me, it actually made me feel…better somehow. I liked the fact that she had referred to me as Jake in the email, completely ignoring the way she usually addressed me. I felt like something between us had shifted now, and I would always be just Jake to her. I realized I liked the informality.
I was about to go talk to Kristen, but then I decided to send her an email in return. I clicked reply and started typing.
“Kristen,” I wrote. “I received your email. I have to admit I was surprised to get it, but on the third reading, I realized that you are completely right. Now that I’ve officially gotten off my high horse, I would like to apologize for my behavior. I had no right to treat you as I have for the last few weeks. I would like to offer you a legitimate excuse for my behavior, but unfortunately, I have none. Sincerely, Jake.”
I pressed send and watched my email transfer. I sat back and smiled at the screen, wondering what Kristen’s reaction to my apology would be. I was still lost in thought when I saw my inbox blink as a new email came in from her.