“Everything okay?” I heard Cassidy whisper at the door.
“I’m okay. Just give me a minute.”
“Did you have a panic attack?”
I flung the door opened and pulled her into the bathroom. She couldn’t have just guessed that I had a panic attack. How did she know?
“Was I loud? Did your family hear?”
“No, I just remembered you had one at work. Is there anything I can get you?”
“Just give me a minute, and I’ll come back out. I’m really sorry for ruining the night. I was just so overwhelmed by your perfect family.”
Cassidy started to laugh. God, I loved to watch her laugh. Her whole face lit up with joy and I honestly felt like the room got brighter when the joy exploded from her like that. I knew her family wasn’t perfect; no family really is perfect. But her family was much better than mine and seemed perfect enough to me.
“Perfect? My father just left the table to go watch sports and my mom is grumbling under her breath while she does the dishes. No one’s family is perfect, Erik.”
“Thanks,” I said as I gave her a hug.
She hugged me back and then slipped out of the bathroom to give me a few moments to pull myself back together. It was funny how I had hugged her and hadn’t actually thought about anything else except what a nice person she was.
Cassidy was a nice person, and I had taken advantage of that by flirting with her and kissing her. She didn’t deserve to have some patient all up on her like that. I felt badly for how I had behaved; it was my addict personality. I always wanted more. If someone gave me one minute of their time, I wanted five. If I had one piece of candy, I wanted ten. If a beautiful woman who worked at my treatment facility was nice to me, I wanted to sleep with her. It was a rotten way of thinking and something I had to work on.
Chapter Fifteen
Cassidy
“Are you ready for Miracle on 34th Street?” I asked Erik when he finally joined us in the living room. “This is one of my all-time favorite movies.”
“I’ve never heard of it.”
“What?” my mother asked as she turned and looked at Erik like he was from a different planet. “What do you mean?”
Erik looked embarrassed, and my mother certainly wasn’t making things any easier. I didn’t know all that much about his childhood, but it hadn’t sounded like it was the best. I did my best to rescue him from my mother’s sympathetic clutches, but she was one of the biggest fans of Christmas and every holiday movie out there. It was going to be really hard for her to wrap her brain around the fact that Erik hadn’t even heard of the movie before.
“Mom, it’s okay. We’re watching it right now. After tonight, he will have seen it.”
My parents sat on the couch with one of them on either end of it. So, that only left the love seat for Erik and I to sit on. It was a cozy couch without a bunch of extra room, but it would certainly be hard to sit next to Erik and keep my hands to myself. He had just proven that he was tough and sensitive and that really got me.
When Kaitlin and I talked about the perfect guy, I always said I wanted a guy who was sensitive. I didn’t mean that he had to cry all the time and act like a baby. All I meant was that he could see something emotional and actually shed a tear. Or, that he would feel some sort of emotion when things called for it. Too many guys felt like they had to hide their emotions with a stern look. The guy I was looking for in my life would be able to actually show his emotions when the time called for it.
As the movie played, I totally forgot that Erik was sitting next to me because I was so engrossed. But as the ending scene started, I looked over at him to see what sort of emotion he had on his face. It was a scene that even made my father cry when everyone helps out Kris Kringle. But as I turned and looked for the expression on Erik’s face, I quickly realized that he wasn’t even awake.
His head was propped up on his hand, and he w
as fast asleep. I had no idea how long he had been sleeping, but certainly it was long enough that he was totally out of it. There went all my ideas that he might actually be a sensitive guy. It baffled me that he hadn’t seen the movie before, yet he still fell asleep in the middle of it. How was that even possible?
I tried my best not to react, but the more I thought about, it the angrier I got. He was in my home on Christmas Eve and our thing was to watch a movie together. He couldn’t even respect us enough to stay awake. My blood pressure continued to rise as the movie finished and he still didn’t wake up.
“Looks like he was worn out by the day,” my mother said kindly.
“Yep.”
“I’ll get some sheets and blankets for the couch. I’m really sorry the bedroom is such a mess. Your father started painting it and just hasn’t finished it yet.”
“I didn’t know we were having company,” my father responded loudly enough that Erik finally woke up.
He looked around the room to see if anyone had noticed he was asleep and noticed we were all staring at him. A very uncomfortable silence fell, and I just let it stay there for a little bit. If it had been up to me, I wouldn’t have talked to Erik at all and would have just left him to wonder where we had all gone when we got up and left the room. But it wasn’t up to me, and my mother soon started mothering him, since that was what she did best.