“Amen,” Dad said, coming into the room. He smiled at me, but I could tell how concerned he was. “Honey, I know how worried you are, and when Trethan wakes up, I’m sure he’ll be grateful that you’ve been staying here at his side, but he wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself waiting for him to wake up.”
“What if he doesn’t wake up, though?” I asked, the words thick in my mouth.
“He will,” Dad said, nodding. “He’s a fighter.” He paused for a moment. “I visited him in the hospital before, you know. Back when he overdosed. It was a lot like this back then, too. But you know what? He pulled through and came out stronger on the other side of it.”
“Yeah,” I sighed, staring down at my hand where it held Trethan’s limp one on the edge of the bed. I didn’t want to think about the possibility that he might not wake up this time, but the reminder that this wasn’t his first time in the hospital had me even more worried. Maybe this was it, then. Maybe his time was up now. He had cheated death for long enough.
“How long has it been since you’ve eaten?” Dad asked gently.
I gave him a guilty look, glancing over at Mark. “I should probably eat something,” I agreed, despite the fact that I had zero appetite at the moment. I didn’t even want to leave Trethan’s side for long enough to go down to the hospital cafeteria. I could never live with myself if something happened while I was out.
“Why don’t I go get you something?” Dad suggested, accurately reading my hesitation. “Anything you’d prefer?”
I shook my head. “It’s not going to taste like much anyway,” I told him. “You could bring me back sawdust, and it would taste just the same.”
“Wouldn’t be quite as nutritious, though,” Mark pointed out, smiling at me. He stood up. “We’ll keep monitoring him,” he promised me. “Hang in there. For all we know, he could wake up tomorrow.”
I nodded at him, unable to find anything to say in response to that. He and Dad both slipped out, leaving me alone with the comatose man I loved.
I let the tears fall. I was surprised I still had tears to let fall. Six days of crying should have had me all cried out, but apparently not.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered to Trethan, even though he couldn’t hear me. I stroked the back of his hand with my thumb, wishing I could do something more.
“Trethan, I need you to wake up for me. I can’t do this anymore. It’s killing me to sit here and watch you like this. I need you to wake up, so I can tell you all the things that I didn’t tell you before. I love you, Trethan. I love you so much, and if you die on me, I don’t know what I’m going to do because I can’t even imagine my life without you.”
I took a deep, shuddery breath. “I should have told you that before you went out there and nearly got yourself killed, I guess. I hope you didn’t go out there just so you could get the prize money for me. God, I couldn’t live with myself if I knew that you were injured just because you thought you had to get the money for my sake.” I sniffled.
“But you did win it, Trethan. You rode so well. You got another ninety-two on that last ride, so you blew the competition out of the water. You were amazing.” I shook my head. “You are amazing.”
I sobbed. “I should never have let you go out there. I knew something didn’t feel right. I knew you might get injured. I should have just told you I wasn’t okay with it. Like Dad said, you and I should have talked more. If we were going to have a relationship, we needed to talk more, to communicate better. But we didn’t, and now we might never get to have that talk because you might never wake up again.” I swallowed hard, squeezing my eyes shut and squeezing his hand at the same time, trying to hold myself together.
“Trethan, I need you,” I told him quietly. “I don’t know how I ever left you when I went to college. I was so stupid. I wasted five years without you in my life, and if I could go back now, I would. I absolutely would. Even though I know we both needed those five years to grow up and become who we are now, I still would go back. Because if I never get to hear you laugh again or see you smile that devilish, sexy smile of yours, I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
I pressed my forehead to his hand. “The thing is, I could still take the prize money. You’ve made it clear to everyone that you were going to put it into the gallery, so even if you never woke up and confirmed it, no one would stop me. But the idea of living here in White Bluff, with the gallery, living out the dream life that we were supposed to share…
“If you weren’t there with me, I don’t think I could do that. It would be too horrible.”
I wiped away the tears and leaned up to kiss him, hoping that he could hear me and feel me kiss him. Hoping that he would come back to me. Even though I didn’t deserve to have him come back to me. I’d been so selfish, letting him risk his life for me. But he’d said that this was his dream, so maybe he was the one being selfish all along.
“You’re going to pull through this,” I said firmly. If I said it enough times, maybe I could will it to be true. “You’re going to pull through this, and then we’re going to sit down and have a really, really long talk about our future because I love you, Trethan. I always have, and I always will.”
There was a knock on the door, and I turned to see who it was. It was Brent, his face pale and grim. “Hey,” he said, coming into the room. “I came as soon as I could.”
I nodded at him, searching for words, but they wouldn’t come. Instead, I finally just nudged a seat toward him, inviting Trethan’s best friend to come sit beside his hospital bed in vigil with me.
“You make him really happy, you know,” Brent said suddenly, his voice quiet. “All he ever did was talk about you.”
I jumped a little, surprised at how loud his voice seemed amongst the now-familiar sounds of the humming machines. I looked back at him, trying to think of something to say in response. “Didn’t do him a lot of good,” I finally managed, looking back down at Trethan’s motionless form.
“Hey, he did something stupid,” Brent said, shrugging. “That’s on him.”
“I should have stopped him.”
“You wouldn’t have been able to,” he told me, shaking his head. “You know that. Once Trethan got an idea in his head, he was going with it. That’s the way that he’s always been.”
“Yeah,” I sighed. “I know that. But maybe he would have listened to me, just this one time.”
“Or maybe he would have resented the fact that you told him not to do something that he felt like he had to do,” Brent reminded me gently. He paused. “You look like you could stand to get out of here for a few hours. Maybe get a little sleep. If you want, you can borrow my car.”