And if I couldn’t support the woman that I loved, if I couldn’t create the family life that I had always craved, then maybe I was just as worthless as my father always said I was.
As though summoned by my thoughts, Vanessa turned back toward me, and this time there was a pleading look in her eyes. “Trethan, I need you to wake up,” she said. “I don’t know how I’m going to live without you. I can’t live without you.”
I slowly blinked open my eyes, staring up at the bright white lights above me and wondering where I was. It wasn’t another of my nightmares – my dad was nowhere to be seen. Buried deep in the ground where he belonged, I hoped.
I shifted, wincing in pain. God, everything hurt, from my head all the way down to my toes. I tried to turn my head to the side, but I found that I couldn’t move it. I clung to Vanessa’s hand, needing her to tell me what was happening, where I was.
“Trethan? Trethan, are you awake?” she asked, sounding frantic, her face swimming into my field of vision.
I licked my dry lips slowly, trying to force a sound out, not sure which felt fuzzier, my brain or the inside of my mouth. “Yeah,” I finally managed to say.
Just that simple acknowledgment, that one word, had Vanessa bursting into tears. She clung to me, and I tried to hide how much it hurt to feel her weight on me like that. But she seemed to realize it anyway, no doubt sensing the way that I stiffened, and she pulled away, babbling apologies.
“I know you’re still in a lot of pain,” she said. “But you can’t imagine how relieved I am to see you awake. The doctor said he wasn’t sure if you’d ever wake up again. Trethan, I was so scared.”
I blinked at her, trying to remember anything. But there was a total blank in my mind. “What happened?”
A look of horror crossed Vanessa’s face, and she blinked rapidly to keep back more tears. “I guess I should run through all those questions, right? What’s your name, what year is it, and all of that.” She took a deep breath.
“I know who I am,” I said peevishly. I turned my head marginally to look at my surroundings. “I can even guess where I am,” I said, heart starting to race a little. “Vanessa, what am I doing in the hospital?” I had a sickening feeling in my gut. Surely, I hadn’t… “I didn’t OD again, did I?” I whispered. “I’ve been doing so good.”
She looked stricken and then quickly shook her head. “Oh no,” she said. “You didn’t overdose.”
I relaxed back against the pillows. “Good,” I said fervently. “So, what the hell happened? Car accident?”
She bit her lower lip. “The rodeo,” she said. “That amateur bull-riding competition.”
It all came flooding back, and I grimaced. No wonder I was so sore; I could barely remember the bull speeding toward me and the awkward way I fell before landing. “How long have I been out?” I asked, waiting with bated breath for her answer.
“Six days. The doctor said there was a lot of swelling around your brain and that even if you woke up again, we weren’t sure what kind of damage you’d have suffered.” She cleared her throat awkwardly, and I could tell that she wanted to ask me questions about it but wasn’t sure how to.
I frowned, trying my hardest to wiggle first my toes and then my fingertips. Everything seemed to be working properly. I was just incredibly sore. I let out a breath that I hadn’t realized I was holding. “I’m all right,” I told Vanessa. “Might take me a bit before I’m back to work on the ranch, but I think everything’s going to be okay.”
She looked tearfully hopeful at that. Suddenly, she put her head down on my chest and started to cry. It hurt to move, but I managed to lift a hand and lightly stroke the back of her head. “Hey, it’s all right,” I said. “I’m okay.”
“What if you weren’t, though?” she asked, pulling back to stare at me, looking as though she couldn’t decide whether she was angry or just relieved. “Trethan, you have no idea how I’ve felt all week, knowing that it was my fault that you were even riding in this thing.”
“What do you mean, it was your fault?” I asked incredulously. “It was my idea, wasn’t it? It was something that I’ve always wanted to do. You kept reminding me how dangerous it was, and I wouldn’t listen to you.”
“Yeah, but you were just doing it so that you could win the prize money and help me out with funding my gallery,” Vanessa said, sounding utterly tortured. “It was so selfish of me to let you go along with that. I knew things weren’t going to end well.”
“I’m all right, though,” I said, trying to calm her down some. I could only imagine how difficult this week must have been for her. “I’m really glad that you’re here,” I murmured.
She laughed a little, sounding exhausted. “I’ve hardly left,” she admitted. “Brent’s here too, somewhere. He went to get us coffee. And, my dad’s here, too. He went to get me food.” She grimaced. “I haven’t really been taking care of myself. I’ve just been so worried about you. And, I didn’t want you to wake up and be in here by yourself. I can only imagine how frightening that would have been.”
“Definitely confusing,” I said, nodding my head a little. I grimaced, still feeling sore. “Well, I’d love to get up to all my porno fantasies with you in a white nurse’s outfit while I’m in here, but honestly, I think for once I might be too sore to get it up.” It was embarrassing to admit, but Vanessa’s shocked expression was worth the admission.
Then, she looked away from me, a bitter smile on her face. “Sex, that’s all you can think about, isn’t it?”
“Well, when I’m with a hot babe like you…” I said, shrugging as best as I could. The small movement sent pain jolting through my head.
Vanessa shook her head, looking
as though she might start crying again. “I don’t know if I can do this anymore, Trethan,” she said.
The words hit me like a load of bricks, totally stunning me. Was she saying what I thought she was saying? “Way to kick a man when he’s already down,” I said, trying to make my tone light when it felt like my world was crashing down around me.
Vanessa shook her head. “It’s just too difficult,” she said. “I thought that I could be okay with whatever it was we were doing, but I’m not. I’m just not that kind of girl.”