“We have some beautiful snows out here,” he said. “They’re a pain in the ass, but still pretty gorgeous. You have a good weekend.”
“You do the same,” I said, walking to my office to collect my things and leave.
I walked out to the parking garage and got in my car, paying for the parking before heading out toward my house. As I drove along, I looked at the people going about their day, from working-class folks to crowds of college kids getting into the swing of college life after a summer at home. I could still remember what my summers with Lillie and Elana were like. Elana and I ended up following Lillie all over the place, visiting different states, spending time on the lake, and whatever else we could get ourselves into that was away from Madison. Speaking of Elana, maybe I could try to have that dinner, making my lie the truth.
The thought of talking to Elana again made me both excited and nervous at the same time. I felt like I was forcing Lillie from my life, trying to find a comfortable middle ground with the place I was now calling home. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to see her best friend again, to risk the memories of Lillie disappearing or becoming less important to me. I knew it was stupid of me to even think that I could ever forget Lillie, but I guessed after living in her shadow for so many years, it was only natural of me to fear changing that. It was comfortable to me; the pain was familiar. That idea alone should shake me to the core, at least enough to go out to dinner with Elana.
Going out to dinner with Elana made a lot of sense. She was my friend, and was once someone I went to for comfort when the pain had gotten to be too much. I needed to get rid of Lillie’s ghost, remembering that getting rid of the ghost didn’t mean getting rid of her memory. I couldn’t continue to walk around town seeing her in every corner of every store and expect to ever have a normal life again, much less a relationship with anyone. Maybe going out to dinner with Elana and developing that bond as a new friendship would help me start to see the world as a fresh new place. I wanted desperately to have that beautiful outlook on life that Lillie had—that all of us had—before she died.
The truth was if I didn’t do this, if I didn’t push forward and try to make Lillie part of my past and not what controlled my future, I was never going to be able to stay in Madison. I had made a commitment, though, to Mike and to that office that I would come here and help them in every way that I could. Madison was a beautiful place, but I was just too shrouded in the veil of grief to open my eyes to it. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life chasing down a shadow of a woman that would never be there again. One of the first steps I could take was to have dinner with Elana.
Now that I had decided that dinner with her was the best option, I had to figure out how in the world I was going to get ahold of her. I never got her number when I saw her, having to run off to work. I did, however, know exactly where she worked, and I was an alumnus of the college, which meant I could use their library whenever I wanted. I changed my direction from my house to the university, hoping that Elana was at work. She had told me she was one of the big wigs at the library, so I assumed she would be there on a Friday afternoon. Now, all I had to do was calm the nerves shooting into my stomach long enough to ask her out to dinner.
Chapter 4
Elana
This was my favorite part of my job: getting to grab a pile of books and head off to the stacks, getting lost in the aisles surrounded by pages upon pages of some of the most beautiful and historic writing in history. I loved the way the dusty old stacks smelled, and I could clear my mind and just enjoy myself back there. As I reached up to book on the shelf, I heard a familiar voice.
“You finish that big report for history class yet?” Ollie’s voice was kind and happy.
I pushed the book into its slot, smiling from ear to ear at the sound. It was always nice to have someone familiar come by to see me, though I was a bit surprised at my reaction. I figured after the struggle I went through on Monday after seeing Ollie, I wouldn’t be so excited for him to be standing behind me in the depths of the library. Truth be told, I had been thinking about Ollie all week long. After I saw him, I couldn’t help but submerge myself in the memories of years past where we took on the world with Lillie by our side. We were the Three Musketeers, conquering one final and one bar at a time. Everything just kind of came flooding back.
We were supposed to graduate together, and we had big plans. I was going to carry on with the library sciences program, Ollie was dead set on taking a job with a local investment firm, and Lillie was going to be an elementary school art teacher. I was pretty much the only one that stayed on the same track. Lillie died before she could graduate, Ollie took off and traveled a bit before landing in Phoenix, and I stayed here doing what I’m doing now.
Lillie had been the creative one of the group, full of ideas and dreams, full of boundless energy, and always had a good sense of humor. She was the sunshine in everything that everyone else did, pushing people to better themselves, being very outspoken about how she felt, and creating these beautiful pieces of artwork, one of which I had put in the center of the library. It was a sculpture she had made of a phoenix, oddly enough.
Lillie constantly radiated energy and light. That was one of the things that had attracted both me and Ollie into her orbit. I could still remember meeting her for the first time in elementary school. She was the girl with the wild finger painting skills, and I was the one watching from the side, just soaking in her rays of light. I supposed that Ollie had felt the same thing, only without the finger painting and pigtails. She radiated love toward him at all times.
When Lillie first introduced me to Ollie, I thought he was perfect for her. Over time, I had actually developed a really good bond with him. When Lillie wasn’t around, Ollie and I had actually created a really good and really strong friendship with each other. We didn’t spend that much time together alone, since most everything we did, we did as the three of us, and the majority of the rest of the time was Ollie and Lillie spending time together, but when we did, it created some of the best memories I had of college. Most of those were hard to recall though; a shadow had swallowed all of it when Lillie died. It was tragic and hard, but there were still those moments that I could remember the happiness and laughter.
I always knew Ollie was extremely intelligent, very logical, and ext
remely methodical. He gave thought to each and every thing that he did. Maybe that was why he was loved by so many people when we were in school. He never made rash decisions that could end up hurting someone’s feelings. I saw that thoughtfulness hide away when Lillie died, watching as he picked up and just left, no thought to where or what he was going to do. He did what I wanted to do, and that was run as fast as he could away from the tidal wave of pain that washed down over us and the entire town. Still, even through the flood, I could still hear my laughter bellowing out from the courtyard.
Ollie had the craziest sense of humor, very similar to mine. He would tell these in-depth jokes that you really had to think about and listen to. When he threw out the punchline, I would just collapse in roaring laughter, feeling my sides aching from the cheer. He had this way of putting a smile on my face that I had never been able to forget. It was a feeling that I wished I had during some of those dark nights for years after the accident. Just to be able to laugh like that again sounded like something so far away that it wasn’t even remotely attainable. I wasn’t even sure if I could laugh like that anymore.
Even though I was absolutely shocked to see Ollie standing outside of the library after bowling me over, I had thought about him a lot over the last five years. I wondered where he was, how he was doing, and whether he thought about me and this little town anymore. There was a sincere part of me that really hoped that I would run into him again one day, kind of like we did, only without literally running into each other. I wanted to catch up with him, talk, and just see what life was like for him after… well, after everything had exploded into chaos. Most of all, I wanted to know that he was okay, that he was moving forward, unlike me who seemed to be stuck in the shadow of the past.
“Well, hello again,” I said, putting my hand out. “Not too close. My head still hurts. However, if you’re looking for books on pre-modern Japan for Professor Bane’s history class, I’m afraid to tell you that you’re in the wrong section. Besides, you know you’ve already written the paper from memory. In fact, I could use you as my personal library. Who needs all these books when I have a friend with a photographic memory?”
“I could write your paper for a fee,” he said, whispering and shaking his eyebrows up and down.
“Alas, I am a broke college student,” I said, shrugging and letting go of my laughter.
“Oh, Glasses,” he said, laughing and calling me by the old nickname from college that he had for me. “You’ve always been such a book nerd, scurrying through the stacks, looking for your next find. I swear you treated this place like it was a lost treasure that you had found walking through the woods one day. I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised that Glasses became a librarian. Though, I’m guessing I can’t really call you Glasses anymore.”
“No, sadly you can’t,” I said, sighing. “And I’m pretty sure that ‘Contacts’ doesn’t have quite the same flare as ‘Glasses’ did.”
“Touché,” he said. “I can’t really refer to you as the little pixie fairy anymore, either.”
“Oh,” I said, looking over at the long hair folded over my shoulder. “No, I don’t suppose that would work, either. It looks like you might have to go back to the drawing board in the nickname department. I guess you have some work to do then. Get to it. It would be too weird for you to call me Elana.”
We both burst out into laughter, all the good memories flashing through my head for just a moment. As our laughter faded, I looked down at the stack of books in my hands, feeling so awkward that I didn’t know what to say next. I really didn’t want to end the conversation, but at the same time, I couldn’t stand here and talk about old memories. I looked up at him and smiled as he shoved his hands in his suit pockets and looked down at the floor.
“I was wondering if you had any plans tonight,” he blurted out with rosy cheeks.
“I, uh, no. I mean I have a really hot date with Mr. Fizzles, but I can reschedule,” I said.