“Careful,” he warned as he stared at me. “You’re treading on thin, thin ice.”
“You’re the one who started it!” I shot back.
“Ava, I don’t want to talk about my issues,” he said calmly. “I’ve told you I don’t want to see a shrink, and I mean it. A stranger is not going to help me sort out the mess that’s in my head. So let it go.”
“Fine,” I shrugged. “Whatever, but you really should think about talking to someone. Anyone. Family? Friends?”
“Right, that’s a great option,” he laughed without humor. “Dump all the crap that happened to me on my friends and family so they can live with it? Not happening.”
“Oh, the irony,” I sighed.
“What’s so ironic about that?” he asked, genuinely curious.
“Nothing,” I murmured. “Never mind.”
“Look, I’m sorry,” he said as he sat down next to me on the couch. “I know you mean well, it’s just that I don’t want to talk to anyone about it.”
“Not even me?” I asked in a small voice as I looked into his eyes. Brian held my gaze for a few seconds before reaching out and pulling me into his arms.
“Not even you, Ava,” he whispered into my hair. I wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my cheek on his chest as I felt him breathing.
*****
We sat entwined on the couch for what felt like a really long time. Neither one of us said a word, we just held on to each other for dear life and waited for the panicked feeling to pass. Or at least that’s what I did. Brian didn’t give much away, and since I couldn’t see his face, I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. So I let go and enjoyed the feeling of safety and security that I felt when he wrapped his arms around me. I closed my eyes and let myself forget where I was and that my life was a disaster at the moment.
“Are you hungry? Do you want to get some breakfast?” Brian murmured as he stroked my back and ran his fingers through my hair.
“Mmmm hmmm,” I nodded against his chest without opening my eyes.
“Then you go get ready and we’ll get out of this room for a bit, okay?” he said.
“Okay,” I mumbled. I was warm and drowsy against his chest, but my stomach was rumbling, and I knew it wouldn’t be long before I’d be so hungry I’d want one of everything on the menu. Brian slowly lifted me off of him and helped me stand, then gently pushed me toward the bedroom.
“Go get dressed. I’m starving!” he laughed as I fake stumbled toward the bedroom.
“I’m not sure I like the way you push me around, sailor,” I grumbled as I made a show of how much energy it took to get ready.
“You are such a drama queen!” he laughed harder as I shot him a dirty look and went to put on some clothes.
I pulled on my jeans and a T-shirt and pulled a brush though my messy hair, gathering it up into a loose ponytail before dusting my cheeks with a bit of blush and sweeping a layer of mascara on my lashes. I looked passable for breakfast, but the dark circles under my eyes made me look bruised, and I looked away as I remembered a time when those bruises kept me from going to class or seeing my friends.
“Not again,” I whispered to my reflection. “You are safe.”
“Did you say something?” Brian called from the other room.
“No, it must have been the television,” I called back as I dabbed a little concealer under my eyes.
“Are you about ready?” he asked as I emerged from the bedroom. “Whoa! You sure do clean up nice!”
“Whatever,” I said as I rolled my eyes. I looked a mess and I knew it, but it was nice of him to try and make me feel better.
“I’m serious,” he said as he crossed the room and pulled me back into his arms. “You look beautiful.”
“Don’t flatter me, I’m a hot mess,” I laughed as I wrapped my arms around his neck and looked up into the steel blue eyes that held my gaze.
“Yeah, but you’re a beautiful hot mess,” he whispered as he leaned down and softly kissed my lips. “And don’t you ever forget that.”
I closed my eyes as I returned his kiss and wished that we could remain like this forever.