She spread her things out into her own brand of organized chaos and then squinted up at me. “You’ll catch up fast if you keep going like you have been. There is no doubt in my mind about that. You’ve made your final decision, then?”
When I’d first rejoined the study groups, I had explained to Heather that it was all part of keeping my options open and that I hadn’t made a final decision yet.
“Yeah, I think I have.” My last conversation with James about it had strengthened my resolve.
She squealed softly, then furiously looked around so as to apologize to anyone she might have disturbed. “Have you noticed that there is, like, not a single other soul in here except for us and old Mrs. Dunn downstairs? It’s kind of creepy.”
“I noticed the other day, yeah.” I looked away so that she wouldn’t see the blush spreading on my cheeks.
“You know what would be so fucking hot? To have sex in here.” She wriggled her eyebrows at me and giggled. “Do you think anyone has?”
Oh God. Where was a good old earthquake when you needed one? Or a sinkhole that opened up to Middle-earth? I wasn’t about to be picky.
I sank back into my seat and tried to hide behind the curtain of my hair, pretending to study my textbook intently. “I wouldn’t know. I haven’t been around for a while.”
“Hmm, I guess so. It would be seriously exhilarating though.” She sighed dreamily as her eyes swept to the very row that James and I had disappeared into just a few days ago.
My heart stammered in my chest. I reminded myself there was no way she could know. Absolutely no way.
“Yeah, I’m sure it’s pretty damn hot, probably.” It absolutely was.
I didn’t know what I was freaking out about anyway. Heather and I had talked about sex and the guys we dated plenty. She’d been my best friend for years, for Christ’s sake. At this point, I should be able to tell her anything.
Something about whatever was going on between James and me made me want to keep it to myself. To keep him to myself. And I wasn’t entirely convinced that it was all about my father’s rules anymore, either.
“So, back to the point,” Heather said. “What did you decide?” She looked so hopeful; I couldn’t help but give her my brightest smile.
“I’m back in the game, baby!” I pumped my fist into the air. Heather launched herself at me and pulled me into what could only be described as a clumsy jump hug.
“Oh, honey! I’m so happy for you!” She finally released me. “And for me, but mostly for you. Are you sure about this? Doing this for your father?”
“I’m not doing it for him. I’m doing this for me. I’m sure about that now.” The best thing about it was that I really was sure I was doing it for the right reasons. It was truly the right thing for me.
Heather’s eyes welled up with unshed tears, and she blinked them away. Absolute joy shined back at me. “I’m just so happy for you, friend. I was so worried about you for a minute or so back there.”
Well, that was news to me. “Really? Why?”
“You seemed so unhappy. So lost. I didn’t want to push you, but you were made to do this. You’ve been the most passionate person since the day that I met you. Then all that shit went down with your father, and I was afraid it was going to push you away from the thing you loved most.”
My heart softened, and my resolve strengthened even more. It occurred to me that I’d never asked Heather for her honest opinion on what I should do. I should have. “It almost did, but I came around. The more I got back into it, the more I realized how much I missed it.”
James had been instrumental in getting me back into it, but I kept that bit of information to myself. Although I still couldn’t quite figure out why I would.
Heather nodded. “However it happened, I’m just happy that it did.”
“So, without any further ado, should we get to it?” The books called to me from my desk. I really did have a lot of catching up to do.
“Absolutely, let’s do it.”
For the next couple of hours, that was exactly what we did. It was easy to fall back into my old routine with Heather. We’d study by ourselves for a while. Then, we’d do a couple of case studies together from practice questions and make notes as we identified areas we needed to revisit.
We collapsed into giggles about some of the sets of facts the professors had come up with. We devised elaborate defense strategies that would never hold up in court.
As the lights in the library flickered on and the sun started setting on the horizon, we packed it up for the day. Studying with Heather that afternoon had energized me in a way that I’d been missing like a lost limb. I was buzzing with it as my phone chimed in my bag.
James smiled at me from the display. I had snapped the
picture that first day that we’d been on the beach. He wore the confident smirk of a man who knew exactly how much the camera loved him.