“It isn’t that simple all the time,” I said, surprised by his wisdom.
“No, it is that simple, you are the one making it difficult,” he said, the view of a child but the wisdom of an old man.
“You are right, son,” I said, kissing his cheek. “Thank you.”
After dropping Jake off with his mom, who didn’t say a single word to me again, I headed over to Quinn’s place, determined to at least let her know how I felt. I pulled up and parked on the street in front of her townhouse, looking up at the windows and seeing the lights on upstairs. I took a deep breath and remembered my son’s words, wanting desperately to do exactly as he told me. I looked down at the flower garden next to the door and scrunched my eyebrows, noticing that someone had dug the hell out of it. I climbed the stairs and rang the doorbell, standing and listening as I heard Quinn’s footsteps coming down the stairs. When she opened the door, her bloodshot eyes grew wide, and she looked terribly surprised to see me. I could understand, I made it kind of clear that we would go our separate ways, but that just wasn’t working. I took in a deep breath and cocked my head to the side, looking at her with sorrow.
“May I come in?”
She looked at me for several seconds trying to make a decision before nodding her head and moving to the side. She closed the front door and walked into the living room, with me trailing behind her. I had never been inside her place before, and it had the same comfort that she had brought to my own. She faced her fireplace, her back turned to me, but I wasn’t going to let her start, so I launched into what I wanted to say.
“Quinn,” I said. “I freaked out; that is the full truth of it. It wasn’t you, it wasn’t that I didn’t care, I just literally freaked out. Everything moved so fast, and I was completely thrown off balance when I realized that I was attached to you before you had even moved into the house. I was absolutely terrified of getting attached to anyone, so when it happened without me even realizing it, I completely panicked.”
She turned around and faced me, her eyes wet with tears. God, I hated the fact that I was hurting her, but I wanted her to know how much I really cared about her. Even if she didn’t forgive me, I couldn’t let her sit over here thinking that I played her and that I never cared.
“When we all got together, me, you, and Jake, it was completely natural,” I explained starting to pace. “Even when I was married to Sarah, and Jake had his mom and dad in one house together, we never felt like a family. When you stepped into our lives, it was like you were meant to be there, like you should have always been there with us. I loved every second of it, and it felt so real, even when I was telling myself that it wasn’t. I could try to lie to you, but there was no way I could continue to lie to myself, not with the feelings I had for you.”
“Luke,” she said, taking a deep breath and motioning for the couch. “Come sit down; it’s time I told you the secret that I have kept locked inside of me for so long. Several years ago, I was happily married, or at least I thought I was. We got pregnant, which was exactly what we wanted. Every day I felt so lucky to have this beautiful baby boy growing in my belly. It was the happiest I could ever remember being, before I met you and Jake. Two days before he was supposed to come, I stopped feeling him move. By the time I got to the hospital, he was gone, and I had to give birth to him, stillborn.”
“Oh my God, Quinn,” I said, putting my hand over my mouth.
“Brian couldn’t understand why it hurt me so badly, and about a month later, after I refused to start trying again, he left,” she explained. “When I was with you and Jake, I felt like I was part of a family that I had wanted my entire life. When we made the deal, I thought I would be a nanny, not a wife, but when I got into the situation, you really made me feel like I was your significant other. I got confused, not understanding how I could have misinterpreted a kiss, or even sex. I thought those things were outside the realm of our deal. It was the first time that I had been happy since before my son died, so I guess I clung to it.”
I sat back listening to Quinn talk, feeling absolutely devastated by the things she had been through over the last several years. She had lost her baby, and not at the be
ginning, not that the timing made much difference, but after carrying the baby for nine months. To add to the pain, her husband abandoned her, leaving her to fight for her own sanity among all the pain that the world was handing her. It made me instantly realize how much she went through just to reunite me and Jake. She had put herself in a situation that was extremely painful, recalling the worst memories of her life, just to make sure a son was reunited with his father. It was beyond anything I had ever witnessed from any other human being I had met. The selflessness of the situation was beyond comprehensible.
Quinn had stepped out of her comfort zone, pushed past her extreme pain and agony, and helped two people who she barely knew, out of the goodness of her heart. She had gone against the grain and put her feelings aside just to make sure that one little boy was safe, cared for, and in the best position possible. She had been so brave, and so strong, and in the end, all I did was throw it right back in her face. I couldn’t even start to imagine how painful that must have been for her, to watch a family that she loved, that she sacrificed silently for in the background, toss her out on her ass as soon as they had gotten what they wanted. I felt even more like a complete asshole than before.
“Quinn,” I said, leaning forward toward her. “I had no idea, that is completely and totally devastating. Please, listen to me and know that I mean this from the bottom of my heart: I am so sorry for the way I treated you. I didn’t deserve a woman like you in my life, and I had not only treated you terribly, to begin with, but I shoved all the sacrifices you made and all the pain you had been through right in your face. I was never worthy of the love you showed me, and I am forever grateful for the love you showed Jake. He misses you terribly, by the way. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?”
I sat there waiting, knowing whatever her answer was, it was going to change me forever.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Quinn
I sat there looking at Luke, wanting to be angry, wanting to lash out, but I just couldn’t. I was so tired of fighting that there just didn’t seem to be any point in it anymore. The truth of the matter was, he didn’t know everything I had been through, and I had pushed a relationship on him when he wasn’t interested.
“Of course, I can forgive you,” I said, letting out a sigh. “I care too much about you to carry any harsh feelings. I just hope that we can be friends.”
“Yes, well, we can’t,” he said, looking down at the ground.
My hands dropped to my sides, and my face fell, not knowing what the hell kind of game he was playing. Why would he come all of this way, say what he said, and then shove me out of his life again? I had opened up to him, I had told him my deepest, darkest secret, and now I was facing a man that just wanted to mess with me. What did he want? To see me completely lose it? To watch me fall so he was sure I could never tell anyone what we did? Instantly I felt angry, and I clenched my fists, ready to fight back. But then he said something, something that shocked me even more than telling me we couldn’t be friends. It was so big that it let me completely speechless.
“I want to be much more than friends,” he said, looking up at me with a smile.
My hands quickly unclenched but my mouth did not close. I felt like he was going to give me a stroke before the day was done.
“What? What do you mean?” I shook my head in disbelief. “I had been trying for so long and nothing. How did you come out of nowhere with this conclusion? I can’t take any more of your ups and downs, so you better be sure. You better be sure that whatever you say, you mean it.”
His eyes glimmered, and he chuckled softly, turning his body toward me. I looked longingly into his eyes, hoping beyond hope that he wasn’t messing with me, that he was telling the truth. He brought his hands up to my face and cupped my cheeks, looking me dead in the eyes before leaning in and kissing me gently on the lips. When he pulled away, he laughed at my still confused facial expression and kissed the tip of my nose.
“You silly girl,” he said, smiling and shaking his head. “Don’t you understand?”
“No,” I whispered, tears pulling at my eyes.
“I love you, Quinn,” he said laughing. “I love you more than any woman I have ever met. You are so very precious to me. When you came into my life, I immediately became terrified of losing my freedom, and I fought back against it. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I wasn’t fighting anyone but myself. Sarah destroyed my faith in women, and I had a really hard time believing that you were able to restore that faith in such a short time. I was fighting so hard against a long-term relationship and family, and I had no idea why. I fought for as long as I could, and believe me, it was agonizing, though I’m sure much worse from your perspective. I didn’t realize how much I actually loved you until you left. Literally, the moment you drove away, I felt like I was completely lost.”