I was impressed with how well Ana kept up with me as we had walked the two and a half miles rather quickly. Our pace had to be fast enough that we could get there as quickly as possible, but not so fast that we drew attention from people as they drove buy. Ana did great, especially considering she had run ten miles only a few hours before.
My gut said we should go north instead of south, so that was the way we drove. I stopped to grab a couple burner phones from a gas station and put Ana to work programming them and adding each other’s cell numbers into each of the phones. If I was separated from Ana, I wanted to have a way of reaching her. Although I couldn’t imagine being separated from her at all. I wasn’t going to let her out of my sights. I couldn’t risk something happening to her.
“Are you still going to Syria?” Ana asked as we drove north.
I didn’t know how to answer her. Of course I was still going. There were six families in a war-torn city trapped in their building. The company that had hired me was desperate to get them out and I couldn’t just abandon them. But I couldn’t abandon Ana, either. I had to find a solution. I had to figure out something that could keep Ana safe.
“I don’t know,” I lied to her.
I wasn’t much of a liar. That had never really been my thing. I preferred the truth in almost every situation; I just didn’t think it was right for what was going on at that moment. One thing I did notice, though, was that Ana’s hands weren’t shaking. She wasn’t panicked at all and she seemed very focused. It surprised me. Especially after all the struggles she had been having, I had expected I would have to comfort her and guide her through our escape, but I hadn’t had to do any of that. Ana listened to me and she did exactly as I asked without asking questions or hesitating. It impressed me.
The look in her eyes told me that she didn’t believe my answer at all, but she let it go and didn’t respond. I just didn’t have the energy to discuss my trip to Syria at the moment; I had to concentrate on getting Ana to safety. There was no way I could get my assignment completed when I got to Syria if I was constantly worrying about Ana’s safety. So, I had about 24 hours to get that figured out. My concentration had to be totally on Ana and how to ensure she was in the best location possible.
We drove for at least five hours before I had to pull over and get some gas. It was a quick stop; I filled the vehicle up with gas and we grabbed some snacks and used the restrooms. America was pretty amazing when you were on the road. You could stop at rest areas and get back onto the road in less than five minutes.
“Where are we going?” Ana asked.
“Washington D.C.”
“Why?”
“I know people there.”
That was all I needed to say, and Ana was quiet again. She looked out over the countryside as we made our way toward the capital city. We were silent for a good hour without saying another word, but then there was something I had to tell Ana.
“I’m sorry for how I talked to you last night. That was uncalled for and I didn’t mean it.”
“Okay,” she said without looking at me.
If only Ana knew just how hard it was for me to actually apologize, maybe she would have reacted differently. But it didn’t matter; I had apologized because I hated that I had actually talked to her like that. I didn’t want Ana to go away and I certainly believed she would be an asset to me anywhere she was at. Ana was stronger than I gave her credit for and my jerk reaction had most likely ruined any chance that we would be anything other than friends.
But that was what I did. I ruined the prospect of real relationships so I could avoid any feelings or connections. It was so much harder to do my job if I was connected to someone. It was impossible to risk my life if I was worried about making it home to someone I loved. The only solution I had found was to avoid loving people, avoid caring about people, and just be alone as much as possible.
Yet, I still felt like shit.
Ana was making my mind think of all sorts of things. I imagined what it would be like to keep her around for longer than just a couple of weeks and I liked it. I hadn’t met a woman who liked to run as I did or wanted to learn how to actually kill people. She was unique and like no woman I had ever met.
The fact that she had horrible PTSD didn’t make me like her any less. In fact, I admired her for how hard she was working to overcome what she had been through. Ana was tough, much tougher than she gave herself credit for, and I shouldn’t have underestimated her.
“We are going to a friend’s house here. I’m going to say you’re my girlfriend,” I told Ana as we pulled into the city.
“Okay, do I get to kiss you again?” she asked with a smile.
It caught me off guard. I expected that she was still angry with me. I hadn’t expected any sort of flirting like she had just done. My stomach was in knots like a teenager who had just been flirted with by his crush.
“If you want.”
“I want.”
I had to keep my eyes on the road, but I reached over and grabbed Ana’s hand. I didn’t have anything special I wanted to say, but it felt comforting to have her close to me. I desperately needed to figure out a way to keep her safe while I was in Syria. There was no way around it; I wasn’t going to let anything bad happen to her.
“Whose house is this?” Ana said as we pulled into a residential area of Washington D.C.
I didn’t respond to her right away as I tried to navigate the roads and find the house I was looking for. It didn’t take me too long though and I pulled into the driveway and got out quickly. I grabbed all three of our bags and opened the door for Ana to follow me up to the house. It was after midnight by the time we got there, and I knew they wouldn’t be expecting us.
“It’s my boss’s house,” I finally answered as I ran the bell.
“What? Why are we here?”