“I want to know the real you. All your worries, fears, faults, and secrets. All your joys, triumphs, hopes, and ambitions. If you had a drug problem, or a bad day at work, or are getting sued, I want to know. And I want to be able to share my day, too, in the exact same way.
“I got offered a job today. A fantastic job, and you know what the first thing was I wanted to do when I left my agents office? I wanted to tell you. I want intimacy between us. Real intimacy, and until I get that, there will be no fucking. Goodbye, Ethan."
I was dumbfounded. It was all too much to take in. I knew I should say something to defend myself, but my actions were indefensible. So I just stood silently and watched as she turned and walked away.
I poured myself a double whiskey form the bar and pounded it down. Shit. This really had been the worst day of my life. I no longer cared about the lawsuit or any of the other bullshit at work. Because of my own stupidity, I had just lost the one thing that mattered most to me. So much for not fucking things up.
Chapter Twenty-Seven: Kayla
"Are you paying attention, darling? We need you to focus!" Jay Wendt shouted out angrily.
"Sorry, my cell phone was ringing. I'll turn it off," I apologized. My purse was hanging on the back of my chair in the corner, blaring the ringtone I had set for Ethan. Irritated, I turned the device off completely.
He'd been calling and texting me for the past two weeks, but I'd been ignoring every one, letting all the calls go straight to voicemail and refusing to respond to any of his texts. I didn't give a shit if he was sorry, or if he missed me, or if he thought I was sexy and longed to make love to me. I only wanted to hear one thing from him: that he was ready to open up to me with the truth.
I didn't care if it was ugly or hard to hear; I needed to hear it. I needed real intimacy and trust between us if he wanted me to trust him in the bedroom. The BDSM games he'd taught me to play were the most incredibly gratifying things I'd ever experienced, and of course I yearned for more, but they were also based on trust, and if he wouldn't be honest with me about his life, then I had to close the door on that part of our relationship, as well.
"Are you ready, darling?" Jay sighed loudly to make his annoyance clear. "I was told you were a real professional, or was that spread for Speed Magazine just because you were fucking the owner?"
"No, I'm a professional. I can do this job. I just forgot to turn off my phone. Let's get to work." I stated with my head held high, exuding a confidence I didn't really feel. The trick worked and the director didn't give me any more flack.
"All right—music on, wind, lights, let's do this."
It didn't take me long to get into the zone, positioning myself on the bikes they brought out for me to advertise, smiling into camera's while the lights blinded me, letting my hair blow back in the breeze of the fans. By the time he photoshoot was over, I could tell the director was more that satisfied.
"Great work. We got a lot of terrific shots I know we can work with. This one looks like our billboard shot."
He showed me the photo of me posing on R.E.B.'s newest motorcycle design, leaning forward on the handlebars with my cleavage prominently displayed, looking sexy and happy. It reminded me of how I'd felt when I went riding with Ethan, and I had to look away.
I knew this was a total betrayal of me to pose for his competitor without even warning him I was doing it, but what choice did I have? This was my career, and I had been planning to tell him all about it the night we ended up breaking up. I no loyalty to Ethan Colson; he'd hired me for a one time gig and he wasn't my boyfriend anymore. He wasn't anything to me anymore, so why did I keep thinking of him?
"Want to get a drink to celebrate? I know a place just down the street with the best live band." Jay was waiting for me when I came out of the dressing room, freshly washed and changed back into my regular clothes.
"No, thanks. I'm too tired to go drinking. I just want to put on my pajamas, eat some cold pizza, and go to bed," I said, trying not to hurt his feelings.
"I get it. Forget cold pizza, though. It's got to be hot with the cheese melting off the slice. That's the best. Have you ever eaten at Gino's? He makes his own Italian sausage, and it is heaven in your mouth."
"It sound's delicious, but you forgot the most important of my plan: eating it in my pajamas."
"I didn't forget. I've got a tee-shirt at my place you can sleep in if you want."
His intentions were clear, but I'd already made the mistake of going to bed with a man I had worked for in photoshoot, and I wasn't about to do it again.
"I'm sorry, but I really have to go home," I started to walk out the door, but he blocked my exit.
"I'll drive you."
"No, thanks."
"I insist." He was blocking the door fully and there was no way I could get past him. My heart was pounding in my chest as I fumbled in purse for my pepper spray. Shit, I hadn't brought it.
"I have a boyfriend," I lied, hoping he couldn't hear the fear in my voice as I struggled to keep my legs from trembling.
"Yeah, I know. The last guy you shot photos for: Ethan Colson. I hear you two spent the whole weekend after the launch party holed up in the hotel. Come on, darling; give me a little a taste. The job I've given you is even bigger than that dumb magazine cover. It's the least you can do."
He grabbed my arm, but I wrenched myself free and started fumbling in my purse. My hand closed over an object in my purse and I yanked it out, hoping it was something I could use for a weapon. My heart sank to discover is was only my cell phone.
"I don't trade favors for jobs," I said, struggling to keep the tremor out of my voice as he closed in on me and put his hands on me, groping me.