“We can stay married, but we don’t have to actually be married. You are free to do whoever you want, and I will do the same. Just on the down low. I will have my own room in your house – except when your mother is around so we can sell it – and not bother you with your life whatsoever. We have no physical obligations to each other, or emotional, but to your mother we will appear as a functioning happy couple. It’s enough to get her off your back. Tons of rich people do this kind of thing.”
“What do you want in return? You obviously wouldn’t be making this deal if there wasn’t something in it for you.”
“Money and security,” she said and shrugged, as though it were only natural.
Even though I always knew these things, the fact that Gina was sitting in front of me like this and boldly stating her screwed-up intentions made me surprisingly angry. She would definitely fit in The Real Housewives cast.
“You are appalling!”
“Some would say I am clever in looking out for myself. Always have been. You are a very difficult person to love. There isn’t a woman out there in the world capable of it, I guarantee you.”
Her words hit harder than they should have. Was she right? Was I just completely unlovable? Not that it mattered – regardless of whether a woman loved me or not, I was still the most powerful man in a two-hundred mile radius of this town. What did it matter if I could never get some dumb girl to devote her life to me? Love was bullshit, anyway. I always knew this: nobody was capable of loving anybody else…
My mind drifted to Aria again. Until the running out of my office incident the other day, she had always spoken surprisingly highly of me. She had called me a friend and even said that people underrated my character. Surely, Aria would disagree with what this woman was saying?
Starting to get angry with myself again, I scoffed. What the hell did it matter? Why did I care so much what Aria thought? Why was Gina’s comment about me being impossible to love making me think of Aria? I did not want her to fall in love with me.? That’s the last thing I would want: it would just complicate things and make it difficult to get rid of her after the contract was over. The whole idea behind our deal was to not have any messy endings. The problem was, as I was just realizing, that I wasn’t sure if I wanted there to be an ending at all. The idea of “getting rid of her” sounded wrong in my head, as though I was planning to get rid of an organ from my own body.
What the fuck was happening to me?
“Are you going to keep spacing out, or are you capable of having a mature discussion about this?”
“Mature?” I sniggered. “What part of any of this is mature? A marriage of convenience? Mostly of convenience to you, I might add, you shameless gold-digger.”
“Oh, stop it, Zay. It’s not my fault you were so blind the whole time. I was with other men since before our wedding and you were just in denial. You never asked any questions! I figured it was because you knew what I was after and didn’t really care. Because it was and always has been a marriage of convenience. You just wanted a wife to take to charity events and shut your mother up, I just wanted your money. We can still continue to have that. Why even pretend to care?”
She was right. I never really loved her or cared for her. Gina was simply a woman my mother approved of and she kept out of my business as long as I was with her. I enjoyed fucking her from time to time but other than that there never really had been any connection. I should not have been surprised when I found out she had been cheating – I am not sure why I ever was. But she was right, this had always been a marriage of convenience. And could continue to be…but…
I couldn’t stop thinking of Aria, and how she would react to finding out about Gina. She would never be okay with having any kind of relationship with a married man, she was far too self-righteous for that. No matter how hard I explained to her that it was just a marriage in name without any of the values, she would see me as a lying, cheating adulterer. If I were to accept Gina’s offer, I would have to make sure Aria never ever found out about it. It meant I could never take her home with me, never take her to any more public events and she would be diminished to the role of my mistress. She was far too strong-willed and independent to accept any situation where that’s the tag she ended up with. Even the suggestion of it would hurt her pride far too much for her to ever recover from it and forgive me.
“I will have to think about it, Gina,” I said eventually, exasperated.
“Take as long as you need,” she said, her sweet demeanor back. “I hope we can make this work, Zay.”
“Cut it out with that sugary sweet tone,” I snapped. “I haven’t accepted yet.”
Chapter 9
Aria
I got a call from my mom right after completing my make-up exam for Statistics. Another ten-thousand dollars had been added to her medical account.
“I don’t know what I would do without you, sweetheart. I promise I will get myself together and help you repay the loan cent by cent,” she said on the phone.
“More money was paid?” I asked, sounding more surprised than I should have. It was the end of month two after all.
“Of course, thank you Aria. I am lucky to have a daughter like you.”
If only she knew what I was doing in order to get her medical bills paid. I doubt she’d think I was the best daughter ever. But what she didn’t know didn’t hurt her.
“How is everything else, mom?” I asked, deliberately changing the subject.
“Good, good. You should come visit this weekend. I really could use some company and I haven’t seen you in so long.”
“I will try, but can’t promise anything okay?” I crossed my fingers behind my back. I wasn’t going to try and visit her just yet; I had way too many things to sort through first. On the other hand, I could probably use some time away from all of this.
“Okay, sweetheart. No pressure. I know you have enough going on between your job and school, and this loan must only add stress.”
If only she knew.