Stacey raised her voice. “At least I’m outdoors and not spending all my time locked in a room playing video games.”
Nick opened his mouth but before he could say anything, Stacey added, “I will put a dollar in the jar, whatever.”
“The jar?” I asked the both of them, slightly amused.
“We have devised a system,” Nick answered pleasantly. “Every time Stacey gives me a hard time about my video games, or I give her a hard time about her blogs, we have to put a dollar in an individual jar. At the end of each year, we are going to count both jars, and whoever has less gets to pick a present that the collected money will buy.”
“You guys are so perfect,” I said, yet again amazed by their relationship. “How do you do it?” I asked and then laughed.
“Lots and lots of dollars in the jar,” Stacey sighed and we all laughed.
Would I ever have what they had… with Zayden? Was he even capable of this kind of comfortable affection? Everything was grand in his life, everything was upscale and elaborate– fancy cars, expensive restaurants, personal chefs. Did he ever just have a day to pursue the little things in life, in a non-calculated manner? I knew the answers to all these questions, which gave me one more reason to keep my cool when I met him later today. We were never going to be right for each other like Nick and Stacey were. And who was I even kidding? He didn’t want to be right for me now, did he? He just wanted me to obediently finish his contract so he could feed his ego; there was never any deception there, never a grey-area about his motives. He wasn’t exactly asking me – nor had he ever asked me– to be his girlfriend— just his subordinate who did his bidding and entertained him from time to time, who he could control, and tell her who she can or cannot talk to. As a fresh surge of anger started boiling deep inside of me, I tried to distract myself with the menu.
“What are you guys having?” I asked, forcing a smile.
I got bacon and eggs over-easy, Nick got two omelets, and Stacey, to both of our surprise, got a garden salad, making me suspect that there was more to why she was running. She was obviously hiding something from us. Stacey loved food more than anything and always mocked people on diets. Early morning runs to be “healthier” I could buy, but this, this was not the Stacey I knew. Wondering about what she was hiding momentarily took my mind completely off all my other worries. A glance at Nick told me he was thinking the same things, but we made eye contact and silently decided not to pick at her for the moment. Instead, I decided to bring up my own woes.
“So guys, I am finally seeing him today,” I said, looking at Nick because watching Stacey nibble at the carrots was bound to make me laugh.
“Womp womp,” Nick said. He was also not looking at her. “So this is it then? You are going to break it off?”
“I think so…” I thought of what I wanted to communicate to them exactly, but then realized I didn’t know. They had yet to hear about my phone conversation with Zayden. “He called me the other night. And apologized for being so controlling.”
“He did?” Stacey sounded genuinely surprised. “Are you sure?”
“I don’t think he could mean much else by the words ‘I’m sorry’,” I said, snappier than intended.
“No, I mean like, did he say he was apologizing for being controlling? Not just like a general ‘I’m sorry we’ve been having a fight and I want you to come back, so I’m backing down kind of a thing?”
Hmm. What had he apologized for exactly? I couldn’t be entirely sure. But I did remember he said… “He said he would not do it anymore.”
“Very interesting,” Stacey said, clearly weighing the implications of that rapidly in her head. “So you’re still going to break it off?”
“I think so… I mean… that is why I brought it up. What do you guys think?”
Nick got suddenly very preoccupied with his omelet, which was fine. I was used to him making humorous quips, but he was never one to volunteer serious advice, probably for good reason.
Stacey on the other hand was always full of perfect advice, so I was curious to see what she had to say – considering she was the one who had put the idea of breaking it off in my head to begin with.
“There is a good chance he is going to hurt you,” she said matter-of-factly. “He has already done it once. That said, I am not going to tell you what the right thing to do is here. I have an opinion based on very little second-hand information. I don’t know him like you know him. I don’t know what was between the two of you like you do. The only person who can realistically decide what the right thing to do here is you.”
“No, Stace! Come on, don’t choose now to be politically correct. You think I should stick to ending it don’t you?”
“I did before and I told you as much. But if he is willing to change, it’s a completely different matter. That’s what I am trying to say – there is no way for me to rightly assess if he is, in fact, going to change. You’re a much better judge of that, which is why I know whatever you decide will be the right call.”
That gave me a whole lot to think about, so for the rest of breakfast I remained almost completely quiet, thinking about what I was going to do when I got to work later that day. The fact that I was even considering all this so seriously and having second thoughts was ridiculous.
I would just have to deal with it when I saw him – perhaps I would make the right decision when faced with him in person. Right now my judgment was too clouded by the fact that I missed him, which I hated myself for.
Quickly finishing the rest of my eggs, I got up to leave. “I’ll be late for work, got to run. Thanks so much, you guys. For everything.”
“Of course. Good luck today. You’ll do the right thing, Aria,” Stacey told me and smiled. “Just don’t be too hard on yourself.”
“Have a good one, Aria!” Nick waved.
I was made up entirely of nerves by the time I left.
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