I paused and stayed silent for a few moments as I considered my options. Whichever path I chose, there would be no going back. My relationship with Lilah would not be the same after this. Even if she never found out about it, I would know about it. I would know what I'd done.
“Hello? So, you want me to investigate her or not?”
Matt needed an answer, and I gave him the only one I could, the one that came straight from my heart. “No. I don't want you to follow her. I don’t want you to tap her phone or investigate her.”
“Are you sure? Listen, Mr. Sinclair, it's my opinion, as a professional who's been in this business for decades, that—”
“I don't care. I don't want you to follow her, and that's the end of this discussion. Focus your attention on Brendan Savage and his lackeys, and them alone. Leave Lilah out of this.”
“Yes, sir, but don't say I didn't warn you. When it all hits the fan, don't say I didn't warn you.”
“Understood, Matt, loud and clear.”
“I'll update you if come up with any new dirt on Savage.”
“Do that. Enjoy your Saturday.”
“It's just another working day for me, Sinclair. But I appreciate the sentiment.”
“Just keep me posted,” I added.
“Will do.”
I put the phone down and stared at the wall in silence. Then I stared at the whiskey bottle for a good long while. I was seriously considering getting drunk, even at that hour in the morning. It seemed like the only effective escape from the horrible feelings plaguing me, the confusion I was wrestling with.
But then, clear as a bell, I heard Colonel Tanaka's voice in my head again.
“Drowning oneself in alcohol is the way of cowards, of the weak. The truly strong face their challenges and fears with a clear mind and a sword in hand.”
He was right. I was right, rather. I put the bottle to the side and called up my Muay Thai instructor.
“Mr. Sinclair?” he said as he answered his phone. “Is something wrong?”
“I want another sparring session,” I said.
“Before next week? What day?”
“Now,” I responded.
“Right now? But we just had one. You were exhausted.”
“Not exhausted enough. I want to get back in the ring.”
“Umm. All right. But don't you think you're pushing yourself a bit too hard?”
“Who ever achieved anything by not pushing themselves past their limits?”
“Good poi
nt. Luckily I stopped on the way home to grab a coffee, so I'm not far away. I'll turn around. Wrap your hands, get your gloves on, and warm yourself up. I'll see you in your gym in 15 minutes. I'm warning you, I'm not gonna go easy on you.”
“And, that's exactly how I want it. Exactly how I want it.”
***
Come Monday morning, I was at work an hour before everyone else. This was partly because there was a lot I needed to get done, but also because I wanted to be there when Lilah walked in. You see, I'd locked her office—I'd blame it on a mistake made by the cleaning lady, but she wouldn't be able to avoid me. She'd have to come to me to get the master key. Then she'd have to face me, after what she'd done behind my back.
I wanted to see if she would wear the guilt on her face like a scar or cover it up completely, hide it with a sweet smile, and pretend as if nothing had happened. Either way, I wanted to look her in the eye and see what was there for myself. No more of the games, hiding, or avoiding one another.