“I’m so glad to hear that she’s going to be all right. But that’s not why I want to train over there. I’m thinking of going to school to be a nurse and I’d like to help out over there more often, not only when it’s an emergency and we don’t have staff.”
“That sounds like a good idea, Cassidy. I’ll get the paperwork started. I’m sure we could have Kaitlin work with you on a couple of overnights and walk through the training for you. But since you’re not licensed as a therapist or nurse, the same rules that apply to you right now will apply over there. You’ll have to be supervised by a nurse at all times.”
“Sure, that sounds great. Whatever you need me to do.”
“I think Kaitlin is working tomorrow night. I’ll get someone to cover your shift over here and you can work the overnight on the secure unit.”
“Perfect. Thanks, Mr. March.”
I didn’t really care about working on the secure unit. I only cared about getting away from Erik and onto a different unit. I liked my job and I didn’t want to do anything that would get me fired. Normally getting fired wasn’t on my radar at all, but with Erik around, I felt like I was getting closer and closer to doing something that could cost me my job.
It was ridiculous that I couldn’t control my own behavior around Erik. He wasn’t a Greek god or anything like that. He was a normal guy. And, he was an addict. Erik Levy wasn’t at all the kind of guy I should be falling for. I knew better, but I couldn’t seem to tell my body that when he was around.
After waiting two years to consider a relationship with anyone, I knew I shouldn’t be having thoughts for an addict. Erik had to work on his own recovery and I was still working on mine. Getting involved in any way would only make both of our recoveries that much harder.
No, I had to just avoid him. Maybe when he was done with treatment I’d look him up sometime down the road. I would be nice to him when I had to work on his unit; I wasn’t going to be rude or anything like that. But I wouldn’t go into his room and I definitely wouldn’t be alone with him. If I just set those basic guidelines then I was sure I could tough out the next few weeks with him.
Plus, it was almost Christmas and he would get a pass to go home for a few days. I’d make sure and pick up all of the holiday hours so that when he got back to the rehab facility, I would have my days off. It was going to work out perfectly. Well, as long as nothing unexpected happened.
My plan worked out fairly well over the next week or so. I worked with Kaitlin on the secure unit and did some training over there. It was much easier to work the overnight hours, although it did make my life outside of work much harder. Sleeping while the sun was still out had been more difficult than I had originally expected.
“So, are we going to keep working this overnight thing?” Kaitlin asked a couple nights before Christmas.
“I’m not sure. I like the work, but I swear I haven’t slept more than four hours on any day. I just can’t seem to get my body to sleep during the daytime.”
“Yeah, I’m not a big fan of the overnights, either. I thought I’d love not having to work and basically just sitting around all night. But it’s boring as hell. I’d rather have the patients awake so I have something to do all day.”
“Maybe after the New Year we can switch back to days?”
“Why after the New Year?” Kaitlin asked.
“Let’s switch back now. That way we can go out this weekend.”
She obviously didn’t know that I was purposely avoiding working on the regular unit, but I couldn’t exactly come out and admit that I had a thing with a patient. A thing? Was that what it was? I wasn’t even sure. All I knew was it couldn’t be an approved activity on the unit and I loved my job. I loved it so much that I wasn’t going to risk losing it.
I kept thinking about Erik, though. I would close my eyes and remember what it felt like to have him next to me. My body wanted to feel his hands on me. I fantasized about his lips moving down my body and tasting every inch of me. My thoughts were out of control. So, I certainly didn’t want to tell Kaitlin anything about what happened between Erik and me.
“It’s three days before Christmas. Do you seriously want to go out?” I asked.
“Yes, Cassidy, I want to go out. You have been putting it off for months. Let’s go out on Saturday and just dance and have some fun. I’ll drink club sodas with you, and the two of us can just enjoy blowing off some steam.”
It was a nice offer and Kaitlin was a great friend to offer not to drink alcohol while we were out. But I just wasn’t sure if I was ready to actually go anywhere that had alcohol. It scared me. Even though I was scared, I wanted Kaitlin and I to start having more fun. Maybe the reason I was falling for a patient was because I never got out and socialized with other people.
“I guess we could give it a try.”
“Oh, you sound so excited.”
“Sorry, I am. I think it will be great. Swing by my house and get me Saturday night. I’ll even put a dress on and some makeup.” I laughed.
“Well, now you are talkin’!”
I considered telling her about what had happened between Erik and I. But I didn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to admit what I had let happen. Kaitlin wouldn’t have thought badly of me for letting Erik kiss my neck, but she would have teased me about it relentlessly, so I kept it to myself.
In order to go out on Saturday, both Kaitlin and I had to work the day shift on the regular unit. It would be the first time I had to see Erik since taking hours on the secure unit. I told myself that things didn’t need to be weird, though. I would just put on a happy face and talk about the upcoming Christmas vacation.
On Sunday, most of the patients would be taking three-day leaves with their family to enjoy the holiday. There were about a half of a dozen patients who would remain at the hospital typically. The people who remained were the ones whose families had given up on them, or they were too sick to be out for three whole days.
“Brianna,” I said as I saw her sitting in the day area.