When New Year’s Eve came, I volunteered to be on shift because I was one of the few people who didn’t want to go out. Being sober and the New Year’s holiday didn’t mix well for me. I found it incredibly hard to go out and have a good time now that I didn’t drink. Not to say that I didn’t think eventually I would be able to do it, just at the moment, I wasn’t able to find my groove.
The overnight shift wasn’t going to be boring on New Year’s. Everyone was hyped up and excited to watch the big Ball Drop event in New York City. Even though it was two hours ahead of Colorado time, it was the best event to watch on television. There were going to be some of the biggest names in music and movies on the show. I was actually excited to be at work with the patients instead of at home with my family – at least it seemed a little less boring.
Susan was the only nurse on staff for the night, and she had to stay on the secure unit with one of the technicians. I was left alone on my unit unless there was a medication issue that I had to call her for. It didn’t happen very often that we staffed ourselves so short, but I wasn’t concerned about it, at all. Everyone would be asleep after the ball dropped in New York, and then the rest of the night was just making sure everyone slept and there were no medical issues.
“All right, everyone, I’ve got snacks for the big night,” I said as I wheeled a cart full of all the snacks I could find in the back room.
There was a collective cheer in the room, and Brianna got up to help me hand out some cups with juice in them. Brianna had been a bit lost since she had returned from the hospital. She was used to caring for three small children all the time, so being in treatment and only having herself to worry about was difficult for her.
Snacks while in a drug treatment facility were like getting a letter from home. Patients got so tired of the healthy food that was being served and would become desperate for candy and soda if they could get their hands a hold of it.
“Erik, chocolate or sour candy?” I asked as I held up two boxes of candy.
“Chocolate, of course.” He laughed.
I handed out a box of candy for each patient and left the rest of the snacks for people to pillage through throughout the night. We had pulled all the couches to one side of the unit and in front of the big television so we could watch the show in comfort that evening.
“Here,” Erik said quietly as he put his hand on the empty cushion and motioned me to sit with him.
I couldn’t help but smile. I felt better about things just getting to sit near him. I had relegated myself to being his friend. I knew we both could use a nice solid and sober friend outside of the walls of Paradise Peak.
“My mom says hi,” I whispered as we watched the show.
No one else was paying attention to the two of us as we sat at the back of the group; they were all enthralled with the show on the television. My mom had continued to ask me questions about Erik every day since Christmas. She had even decided that it was perfectly fine if I wanted
to date him because I wasn’t his therapist or doctor; I just worked in the same building. My father stayed pretty quiet about the whole thing, but he didn’t specifically object to my mother’s logic.
I had to admit, I had run that same logic through my mind, too. I had even taken the time to look through my employee manual and didn’t find anything that would actually prevent me from dating Erik after he left. Although, my logical side continued to say it was probably a bad idea.
Would it really be all that bad if two consenting adults, like Erik and I, decided to have some sort of relationship? Certainly it had to have happened at some point before in the facility’s history.
“Tell your mom I said hi back. You’re really lucky to have her. Since my mom passed away, there hasn’t been a day that has gone by that I don’t miss her terribly.”
“I’m sorry your mom is gone. I can’t even imagine it. My mom is like my best friend.”
“You know, people always say that to me and I never really thought anything about it until I met your mother. That night at your house made me miss my own mother horribly.”
“Is that why you left?”
“No, I just had an overwhelming urge to move forward. I can’t really describe it. Maybe it was our argument, or the emotions of the night. I’m not sure. I hope you don’t think it was because of you.”
“Oh, yeah, I totally thought it was because of me.”
“Really? Shit, I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right. I’ve seen you so happy this week and I figured it was probably for the best. Maybe we could be friends when you get out. I always need more friends in my life.”
Erik was quiet as we both watched the New Year’s Eve show for a little bit. He seemed like he had something he wanted to say, but then whenever he started to talk, he would close his mouth again and stop.
For a good thirty minutes, I watched him out of the corner of my eye as he would turn toward me like he was going to say something and then he would turn away. He never decided to actually say whatever it was that he had been holding onto, though.
“Watching the New York ball drop was always one of my favorite things to do as a child. I loved how thousands of people got to stand right in the middle of the city and celebrate a fresh start to a new year of their lives. I also really liked to watch the cameras as they would pan around the crowd after midnight and show all the couples kissing. It seemed so romantic to me,” I said.
“It does seem pretty romantic.”
“Except that it’s so cold there this year. I don’t know if I could stand outside for four hours waiting for that ball to drop. I’d probably rather just get one of those fancy hotel rooms and sit in there naked and watch it.”
“Cassidy!” one of the patients said as he made a dramatic shocked face.