She hurried off back to work, and I went on to my room. My thoughts were filled with her and only her. If there was ever a woman who could match me in wit and sarcasm, it certainly was Cassidy. Not to mention she was damn beautiful, too.
The way her red hair had draped down onto the bed as I climbed on top of her – oh, I would never forget that sight as long as I lived. Her porcelain clear skin, the curve of her breasts, even the scent of her naked body below me was etched into my memory like a dream.
Later that day, as Cassidy got ready to leave, I thought about grabbing her to pull her into my room. It was too daring, though, and I couldn’t risk getting her in trouble. Instead, I watched as she walked away and turned for a brief moment to look at me. That was it; right there in that moment, I knew I was head over heels for this woman.
“Be careful,” Brianna said quietly as she came up behind me.
“What?”
“Be careful with your addictions.”
“What do you mean?” I really had no idea what she was talking about.
I was being careful with my addictions. I had been working the program really hard, and if Brianna couldn’t see that by all the groups I was going to, I didn’t know what to tell her. I had things under control.
Brianna walked with me to a couple of chairs off from the main room. She sat down, and I could tell she had something she wanted to share with me. She was a nice girl and had certainly been through a lot, so I humored her and sat with her for a minute. Part of my treatment wasn’t just working on myself, it was learning to be kinder to others and helping them, too.
“About two years ago, I stopped drinking while I was pregnant. I always stopped when I was pregnant, but this time I was much further into my addiction and I had a rough time. Of course, I couldn’t admit that to anyone, so I had to find something to busy myself with. I started going to the gym every morning. They had free daycare.” She laughed. “Free daycare to a stay-at-home mom is really all I needed.”
“Sounds like a good gym.”
“Yes, it was. But I started going for longer and longer. Soon, I was there for three hours a day. I was running, using the elliptical, pretty much every cardio machine possible. But as my time got longer and longer, I started lifting weights. There was this cute guy who made my heart skip a beat every time he was there.”
I wasn’t really sure what this story had to do with me. I wasn’t a young, married mother. I had really just gotten into working out. Nothing about this story seemed to resonate with me.
“Soon, we were coordinating when to work out together. I gave him my number. We talked outside of the gym.”
“Uh oh,” I replied.
I was starting to see where her story was going, but how did it really have anything to do with me?
“Yeah, I had an affair with him. I got wrapped up in the adrenaline I felt when I was at the gym. But when that wasn’t enough, I moved on to him. When that wasn’t enough, I went back to drinking.”
“That sucks.”
“I saw you two the other night. I get it. She’s a beautiful woman and really nice. You are both adults. So, don’t worry, I’m not going to say a word. But don’t lose yourself in this. And don’t cause any trouble for her. I know you don’t see it yet, but she’s a high to you and you’ll keep searching out that high and losing yourself until you get a hold of all your treatment skills.”
Brianna was wiser than I thought she would be for someone just getting started in her treatment. But I got it. I heard what she was saying, and I took it all in. I did love the feeling I got when I was around Cassidy, and yes, it was a high. I knew it.
But I wasn’t going to give up my treatment, it was exactly the opposite. I felt like if I did well in my treatment, it was the best way to move forward with Cassidy.
“I appreciate your advice,” I said to Brianna and gave her a hug.
“Keep a clear head. This battle is just getting started.”
“Thanks, I will.”
She was right on a real and true level. I had to keep a clear head. I had to keep focused for my future and not just that moment. As much as I intended to keep things going with Cassidy, I wouldn’t let her get in trouble or myself get lost in the process.
As I made my way back to my room and shut the door behind me, I vividly remembered Cassidy as she slid down to the ground and took me in her mouth. There was no way I was going to give up whatever it was I had going with her. Just thinking about her again had me hard and that didn’t happen with other women in my life.
But I knew I wouldn’t forget about Cassidy like I did other women I had slept with. Even if nothing ever developed between us, I was sure that she would always be a vivid memory in my mind.
Chapter Nineteen
Cassidy
My palms were drenched in sweat by the time I arrived at work the next day. I was nervous to see Erik again. My nervousness came because I was afraid he would pull me aside again and I would get caught.