CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Quinn
"Well, I for one am not going to tell you how to live your life," Darla said. "But I am going to tell you to drink this coffee. You don't look like you slept at all. Have you been crying?"
"No," I said. "That would be stupid. I don't have anything to cry about."
"No?" Darla asked. "So it would not have anything to do with that horrific dinner party your father threw for you or the fact that you went to a party to have fun and ended up seeing Owen licking his lips over some bottle-dyed redhead?"
I almost choked on a warm slug of coffee. "No. It has nothing to do with any of that. I just didn't sleep well. We start a whole new lab in nursing today. Maybe I'm nervous about that."
"Why would you be nervous? You cranked through all your catch-up work like it was nothing," Darla said. "And despite not studying last weekend, you still managed to pull off one of the highest test scores in the class."
"That doesn't mean I liked it. What's wrong with me, Darla? Why don't I know what I want to do with my life?"
"Because your life is not just some checklist."
"You're lucky. You know you want to be an artist, you are an artist," I said.
Darla fluffed up her hair. "So, why exactly am I paying all this money? Art is supposed to be one of those things that you just go out and do. Or maybe it’s one of those things that you have to master hundreds of techniques before you can really achieve it. See? I'm just as screwed up as you."
"So, what do we do?" I asked.
"Go to class," Darla replied. She threw open the door and blew me a kiss on her way out.
She was right. I was ready. It did not matter if I had my entire life mapped out or if the rest of my day was an entire blank slate. I had a class and that was what I needed to focus on. The rest of my life could wait. Owen could wait.
Even if it looked like he was done waiting for me.
My mind spiraled back to the party. It had been such a thrill to flirt with Dave and meet new people. Especially when Owen was watching me. Every time I felt his agate-blue eyes on me, I lit up like a candle. I knew it was wrong to enjoy him watching me and I spent way too much of the party laughing and flirting just to feel his eyes on me again.
I had spent so many years watching Owen and my sister together that it felt really good to be on the opposite side. It felt so good that I had forgotten how jealous, then hurt, then defiant, and finally vengeful I had felt being in Owen's position. Every time I smiled at Dave, I had driven Owen a little farther away. Straight into the arms of some willowy redhead.
The thought made me sick.
"You're not sick, are you?" my new lab partner, Bella, asked. "Today would be the absolute worst day to be sick."
"No, I'm fine. Sorry, my mind was elsewhere," I said. I joined her at the stainless steel lab table.
"Oh, good. I'm glad. I have to admit I was really excited when our new lab pairings came out. I mean, I know you were gone for a while, but that just showed what an amazing student you are. To come back and shoot to the top of the test scores like that. That is impressive."
"To be honest, I don't know how I did it," I said. "Besides, your name is right up there, too."
"Yeah, but I can't say things like 'I don't know how I did it.' You're a natural. I work really, really hard," Bella said. "That's why I think we'll make great lab partners."
"Alright, class. I know some of you have been excited for this while others have been dreading it. Today, we start our cadavers research lab. You and your partner will each be assigned a cadaver and will work through a series of assignments that explore the human body first hand," our professor said.
His teaching assistants wheeled sheet-covered gurneys into the lab as he spoke. Bella was already taking notes, but a buzzing had started in my ears and I could not hear what else the professor was saying.
One by one, the pairs of nursing students were uncovering their cadavers and taking initial observations. Ours arrived and was lifted onto the stainless steel table. Bella grabbed the sheet and peeled it back.
I saw blonde hair, the ashen gray forehead, and the lab exploded around me. Somewhere in the buzzing blare of light, I heard someone screaming. It was me.
"Quinn! Quinn! Are you alright?" Bella had me in a tight hug. I was sobbing against her shoulder. The floor slowly stopped undulating.
I stood up, shaking, and peeked over her shoulder. The cadaver was an old woman with white hair. She had to be at least eighty years old.
"I'm sorry," I said in a hoarse voice. "I don't feel well."