She looked truly disturbed though, by whatever it was she had heard about me.
“It doesn’t sound like it,” she said. “And this doesn’t have anything to do with me wanting to give our relationship a second chance. I don’t think it’s healthy, what you’re doing.”
“What exactly is it that I’m doing?”
“You don’t have to pretend like you have no idea what I’m talking about, okay? We’re beyond that, Leo. Whether or not we’re together, I always want to be someone that you feel like you can talk to, that you can be honest with. So what’s going on? Why are you . . .” her voice lowered, “sleeping with one of your students?”
I did my best to keep my face impassive. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said.
She shook her head. “Please don’t lie to me.”
Neither of us said anything; we were at an impasse. As we stood there looking at each other, I tried to figure out what would be the best way to get out of this situation, as quickly as possible. How had she found out? The only way she could’ve known was from Jack. Unless she had bugged me or something, and I wouldn’t necessarily put that past her. So I could stand here and deny it, and we could go back and forth about it for the next 17 hours, or I could let her think that her concern actually meant something and that I would try to amend my ways.
“Fine,” I said. “You’ve found me out. It’s only one student; it’s not like I’m banging the whole class or anything.”
She winced as I said that last part, as though I’d reached out and hit her.
“Leo,” she said, her voice heavy with disappointment. “Why? Why are you doing this? Do you know how much trouble you could get in? Beyond that, it’s just . . . wrong. I know you’re a better person than that. You’re taking advantage of your authority. I can’t believe that you would do something like this. You’ve got to stop.”
“I don’t see how this is any of your business, actually. I also don’t recall inviting you over here to give me your opinion about ethics and morality.”
“I’m here because I care about you, and I don’t want to see something bad happen. Is that so crazy?”
“Who told you this titillating bit of information?”
She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Actually, it does. Though I already know who it was, anyway.”
“You do?”
“Of course. It was Jack.”
Colette had no ability of a poker face whatsoever, so I knew the second I said his name and saw her expression that it had indeed been Jack.
“He’s just concerned,” she said finally. “We’re both worried about you.”
“I know. You’ve said it about a thousand times already. And you know what, Colette? You’re entitled to that. You’re allowed to be worried all you want—I’m not going to stand here and try to tell you how you should feel about something. But you don’t get to tell me what I am or am not allowed to do either.”
She sighed heavily. “Fine, Leo,” she said. “But when the shit hits the fan with this, don’t come to me wondering why no one tried to stop you. I’ll see myself out.”
She left, slamming the door behind her, which was a rather un-Colette like sort of gesture. She’d probably envisioned the way this whole encounter would go—she’d confront me about Tessa, I’d confess that I was only doing it because I missed the touch of a woman so much—her touch, specifically—and she’d come over and gather me up in her arms and tell me that everything was going to be all right. Unfortunately for her, that was not the way it was going to go down.
After Colette left, I got dressed and went over to Jack’s. I was trying to keep my anger in check, but it was difficult because I couldn’t stand when people meddled in shit that wasn’t any of their business. Especially when it was under the guise of concern.
I didn’t need to call first or find out where he’d be; he’d be in his little apartment, grading papers, answering students’ emails. Weekends for Jack weren’t so much about getting a respite from work; it was just a continuation.
No one was leaving his building when I got there, though, so I rang the outdoor buzzer, and when the intercom came on, I told him to let me in.
“Leo? Oh, hey, sure,” he said, his voice static-y. When the door unlocked, I let myself in, and then walked across the lobby to his ground-floor apartment.
He answered in his bathrobe, hair disheveled, the smell of strong coffee permeating the air.
“I just made some coffee,” he said as I walked in. “Want a cup?”
I did, actually, since I hadn’t made any before I left, but this wasn’t a social call. I’d stop and get a cup at the coffee truck a few blocks over after I left.
“No, I’m good,” I said. “There’s actually a reason for my visit today.”