“I thought I found him…once.” I wasn’t sure if she was talking about me or not. Then she said, “I was married for about five minutes. I married a marine. I met him about six months after you and I broke up.
“His name was Garrett, and I’m pretty sure he was my soulmate. We loved all of the same things, and we both wanted the same kind of future. We got married and were only together for about three months when he got deployed to Afghanistan. He was killed a month later by an IED.”
“Oh, Lily, I’m so sorry.” My heart hurt for her. She had tears in her eyes even then, just talking about it.
She nodded and brushed a stray tear away. “I’m sorry. I still miss him. I was so angry when it first happened. I spent months locked in our home, reliving the memories I had of him and railing at God. I refused to go to church, and I even told my mother I was denouncing the church and my faith at one point.”
I couldn’t help but smile. Her mother was one of the most religious women I’d ever known. It wasn’t hard for me to imagine how she reacted to that. “I’ll bet that didn’t go over well.”
She smiled, too, and said, “Not even a little bit. She told me I was being selfish. Garrett had died for his God and his country, and now that he was gone, I was wasting my life feeling sorry for myself. She told me how God had a plan for me and although it was okay to grieve, I also needed to understand that God had a plan for my life and it wasn’t for me to question it.”
“That is a hard thing to grasp,” I said, honestly. “I lost my Grandmother recently and I felt the same way.”
“Oh no! I’m so sorry to hear that. She was everything to you and your brothers. That had to be so hard.”
“It was, and I didn’t take it very well, at all.” I wasn’t going to tell her about the drinking and Daphne, but it was at least nice to be able to talk about the grief out loud.
“As a priest, it should have been easy for me. I should have been rejoicing that she’d gone home and appreciating the fact that we were allowed to have her at all. Instead, I was angry and looking for ways to act out.”
She grinned. “Exactly how does a priest act out? Did you skip your prayers? Throw your rosary beads?”
I laughed. “You guessed it,” I said. “So, let’s change the subject to something less depressing. I’m guessing from the card you gave me that you’re a hairdresser.”
“Yes. I’ve always loved to do hair. After Garrett died, I thought about going back to school, but I love doing what I do. I like making other people feel pretty, and I like creating designs. Having a pair of scissors in my hand is cathartic. What about you? Do you ever regret your choice?”
I thought about Daphne again. I never had, before I met her. Since then, I did at least once a day, and that in itself is a sin.
“No,” I lied. Another sin. “I love what I do. It fulfills me.” Most of the time, that was true.
“Good. I’m really glad you’re happy, Jace. I never stopped thinking and wondering about you.”
“I am, and I never stopped thinking about you, either. I knew I couldn’t make you happy, but I hoped that someone did.”
She smiled. “Garrett made me happy, but do you want to know a secret?”
“What’s that?”
“I’ve learned over the past few years that the only real way to be happy is through myself. Other people can perpetuate your happiness, but you have to take charge of your own life and live it well.”
“You’re very wise,” I told her with a smile. “Hey! How do you feel about canoes?”
She laughed and said, “Honestly, I can take them or leave them.”
“How would you like to go on a canoe trip this weekend? It’s an annual thing that the church puts on. I still have room in my boat.”
“That actually sounds like fun. Sure, I’d like that.”
“Good, it’s a date.”
Chapter Twenty
Daphne
I was sitting underneath the solar bus shelter next to the giant statue of the strangest looking toucan I’d ever seen and thinking about how screwed up my life was.
I was waiting for Carla’s bus to come in. She was coming to spend the weekend with me, and I couldn’t wait to see her. I hadn’t even realized how lonely I was until I thought about actually having a live human in my home to talk to for a few days.
You would think all of the excitement over that would distract me, but it didn’t, really. I still couldn’t get Jace off my mind. Or as I should have been calling him, Father Jace.