She laughed. “Stop it. Come on, I’ll help you get stuff cleaned up. Before you phased out, did you hear what I asked you?”
“No, I’m sorry. What was it?”
She laughed. “See what I mean? Never mind, it wasn’t important. This was a lot of fun, though. I missed you, Jace.”
“I missed you, too, Lily. It’s been great catching up.” I wasn’t lying. Her constant touching me in front of my parishioners was annoying me a little bit, though.
“Maybe we can do lunch or dinner?” she asked.
I considered that. I just wasn’t sure how much time with her was too much. It’s not that it’s unheard of for a priest to have friends, even female friends. But generally, they’re older woman that the priest is certain he wouldn’t be physically attracted to. I already knew that wasn’t the case with Lily.
But the truth was that I was sure I could control myself with Lily. The feelings I had for her weren’t like the ones I felt when I was around Daphne. It’s like the devil himself was controlling my hormones when Daphne was anywhere near my line of vision.
Speaking of which, I looked for her again. She was still playing soccer and looking way too freaking good doing it. I wondered if she was an athlete in high school.
I realized Lily was still waiting for a response and I said, “Yeah, sure. Call me.”
We got busy then breaking things down and loading things up. Most everyone stayed around and helped so it went quickly. I had a pontoon-type boat that I was going to take the canoes back over on and there was a larger boat to pick up everyone else and take them back to where the bus and their cars were.
I said my goodbyes to most of the parishioners. I realized that Daphne was one of the ones who had gotten away. She was already on the boat. I told myself that was a good thing. I needed to avoid too much time with her, and I only made her nervous, anyway. It made me feel a little badly that she hadn’t wanted to say goodbye
I realized, however, that the boat was getting ready to leave and Lily was still hanging around. “You better catch that boat so you can get to your car,” I told her.
“I thought maybe I’d ride with you in case you need any help.” She was stroking my arm again.
“Nah, I’m good, Lily. Thanks. The boat is going to be full of supplies and it’s small so there won’t be anywhere for you to sit. I don’t have to unload the boats. They said I can just leave it loaded.”
She looked disappointed, but she said, “Okay then; it was great. We have to get together really soon.
“Yeah, it was. I’ll see you at church tomorrow.” She nodded and smiled. Then she leaned in and kissed my cheek. She let her breasts gently bump into my arm that time. My arm was getting a lot of action, and she was definitely working it.
After I got the boat back to World’s End and unloaded a few things, I headed back to the church to do some work on the next mass. I thought about calling Ryan back, but I put it off. I didn’t want to talk to him about my time with Daphne.
It wasn’t just a cheap one-night stand like the ones my brother goes looking for. She was a virgin, for one thing… Jesus, what a way for the poor thing to lose her virginity: with a priest.
I shuddered and realized that I really, really need to talk to someone about the feelings I’d been having. I still couldn’t bring myself to face my bishop or any of the priests that I knew personally, so I took a detour.
I went to a church called St Francis and sought out the priest there. His name was Father John and I’d only met him once when he came to my church in Boston to talk to us about an organization called the Confraternity of Catholic Clergy. It was founded by Fr. John Trigilio and the idea of it was to meet with other priests who might also be having desires for female companionship. It’s kind of like AA for priests who are confused by their sexual feelings. It’s all confidential, and I was feeling like I had to do something before I did something really bad…again.
“Father Jace, how good to see you again.” The elderly man was as sharp as a tack and recognized me right away.
“Hello, Father John, it’s good to see you again, too.” I suddenly felt naked in front of him in my picnic shorts and t-shirt. “Excuse the way I’m dressed, we had a church canoe trip and picnic today.”
Father John smiled. “My favorite activities are those we can do in normal clothes, Father Jace. Please, have a seat. Tell me what I can do for you.”
“This is difficult for me, Father. I haven’t spoken to anyone about it… I’m having some carnal feelings towards a woman in my parish.”
He didn’t look like he was judging me, but I’d also put it much milder than the actual truth. “Priests are human, too, son. We are often not expected to be, but we are. Have you prayed over it?”
“Yes, Father, many times. I’m hoping that maybe talking to others who have had the same feelings, getting some advice from men who understand what I’m going through, might help. I remembered what you said about the Confraternity of Catholic Clergy.”
“Yes, it’s a fabulous resource for us. I can put you down for the next meeting.”
“Great! When is it?”
“Wednesday is our next meeting.”
“Wednesday? You don’t have anything sooner?” Okay, now he looked like he might be judging me just a little bit. Maybe I was giving away that I’d already gone too far. “I’m sorry, Father. I’m just really confused.”