Nope, that didn’t happen. I didn’t say that…I’m going to die.
I had been thinking that he probably got every girl he went after; I didn’t mean to actually say it out loud. I shoved the bagel in my mouth and took a big bite to avoid talking any more. My face was flushed red, and I was pretty sure I had even started to sweat by that point.
There was no use. I should have just got up and left. How was a guy supposed to actually finish a date with me after I said something like that? I couldn’t look at him. I refused to look up from the table and hoped he would just get up and leave me there to die of embarrassment.
“I’m not sure,” he laughed as he looked at me. “I don’t think it’s ever happened, but you women are pretty good at keeping your secrets.”
He looked at me so intently, I felt like I was going to cream myself right there in the bagel shop. How was this guy single? Something had to be wrong with him. Maybe he was a womanizer? Or bad in bed? Perhaps he worked all the time and ignored his lady? There had to be something wrong with this guy; I just didn’t see how any woman in her right mind would ever let him go.
“What do you do for work?” Brandon asked as I continued to chew on my giant bite of bagel and hoped we could just finish this date so I could die of my embarrassment already.
I covered my mouth as I quickly tried to chew my bite so I could answer him. His eyes locked onto mine though and made me wonder how on earth I was going to answer his question.
Telling a guy I worked on computers wasn’t really a big selling point about my life. I was a nerd. Plain and simple, I like computers and video games and even thought of myself as a typical nerd. I worked in a field of nerds and liked the same things those guys did. It wasn’t exactly the sexiest of jobs.
“Um, I’m in computers,” I managed to mumble as I finished chewing. “I do websites and fix data and stuff like that. I work for a cool company that I like.”
“That’s really interesting. I’m not sure I’ve ever met a woman who worked in computers. Wow, that sounds really sexist. I should say I don’t meet that many people who work in the computer field at all, so it’s probably not unusual that I haven’t met women who work in the field. Okay, I’ve put my foot totally in my mouth. I’m sorry. That sounds like a cool job.”
“What do you do?” I asked.
“Nothing. Well, I used to own a company, but I recently sold it. So, I’m between jobs right now. I’m basically unemployed.”
“That sounds rough, and I’m really looking for a guy with a job, but I guess I could make an exception for you.”
“Yeah, the unemployed thing is a bad sign, I know. Life’s a little boring, but I sold my company for a great deal of money. So, it’s not rough in the traditional sense. By the way, why do you think women cream themselves when they see me at clubs?” he asked and leaned in, eager to hear my response.
“Oh, well, um. I…” My brain went totally blank. “I don’t know.”
“I think you do. I do have to say; I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed this phenomenon in a woman. It seems like something I’d like to be part of, though.”
He laughed and leaned back in his seat as he took another bite of his bagel. His confidence just oozed off of him and his smile had me realizing that he was teasing me. I really liked to be kept on my toes around a guy; it made a date so much more fun.
“You’re purposely torturing me,” I laughed. “I didn’t mean to say that. I was thinking it, but I didn’t mean to say it out loud. I’m sorry.”
“Oh, hell, don’t be sorry. I love a good bit of honesty in a woman. Better than the prim and proper talk I normally get. I was around a lot of boring people when I used to have my company. You’re really refreshing.”
“What do you do all day long? I mean, if you don’t have a job, do you just go surfing all day or something? I saw this show about this guy who sold his company and then took up all sorts of weird hobbies. Do you have weird hobbies? I’m sorry, I’m babbling. You make me nervous.”
“Sometimes I go surfing, but usually, I have other meetings and appointments to take care of,” he said. “I’ve actually only just finished transitioning my company. I’m learning how to invest in the stock market from a friend of mine. I do charity work. I’m also always looking for my next business opportunity. I’m sorry I make you nervous,” he said with a grin that told me he wasn’t sorry at all. “How about you? What do you do when you’re not working?”
“I go to the theater and art shows. I used to want to be an artist, but life got in the way a bit and I never ended up going that route.”
“What got in the way?” he asked.
My heart quickened. This was the question that could ruin a date for me and often did. Why exactly didn’t I go after my dreams? How did I let life get away from me when I’m only in my twenties?
Sometimes I lied, if I knew I didn’t like the guy or wasn’t planning on seeing him again. I thought about lying to Brandon; it wasn’t like I planned on going out with him again. But something in the way he looked at me gave me the strength to tell him the truth.
“My husband passed away in a car accident, and I had a little boy to take care of,” I said. “I know it’s a horrible thing to tell you on a first date. I’m sorry, I j
ust can’t help letting it out. It’s all part of who I am and I sometimes talk about him. I think it would be weirder if you didn’t know who he was. His name was Spencer.”
The color in Brandon’s face drained quickly as he reached out to grab my hand. The empathy in his eyes was amazing, and I instantly knew he understood what pain I had been through. I didn’t know who it was in his life that he had lost, but it was clear he understood what real loss was.
“I’m so sorry. That must have been really hard on you.”
And just like that, our flirting and fun date had turned incredibly serious. I had the ability to ruin any chance I had with any guy. There I was with a decent guy who actually laughed at my jokes and seemed like a pretty cool guy. But what did I do? I totally ruined it by bringing up my dead husband.