"Maybe I should have just sent you a fucking text," I spat.
"Why are you being so cruel?" Her tears flowed down her cheeks.
"It's over, Veronica. I shouldn't have to spell it out for you."
"What did I do?" Her voice was small and empty.
"Nothing. I'm not going to ask you to be my friend because that's just insulting. I just don't want to be with you anymore."
"What is it? Why? Am I holding you back?"
"Don't put words in my mouth, Veronica. I didn't fucking want this. I wanted this to be easy, and clean." I swallowed, the words didn’t want to come out of my throat. “I don’t love you anymore.” I practically heard it break, shatter, the last two and a half years together, in love and happy. I had just destroyed it.
"Easy and clean? The person you've loved for years suddenly telling you they're done with you? How the hell could that ever be clean?" She reached down for her backpack and started angrily towards the door.
"I'll send your shit over to your apartment," I said, not turning to look at her.
"No. Don't. That would be asking way too much. Just throw it out, I don't care. You can stop pretending that you do, too. But you know what? Thanks for telling me. Now I don’t have to lie to myself that any of this has been real." I heard the door open and slam closed. I was alone. I let out a ragged breath and felt my body unclench.
It was over. I had done it. Broken up with the girl I had been in love with for two and a half years so it wouldn't hurt her when I had to leave in a few days.
I didn't know what the fuck I had expected to feel when I finally did it. It would have been nice to feel like I had done the right thing but I didn't. I felt like a monster. She had been crying, heartbroken, and it was because of me.
I only lived a floor up. If I went after her now, I'd probably still find her backing out of her parking spot. No. I wasn't going to do that. It was this or make her wait... I had chosen this.
When did this start paying off? Because seeing her face, I didn't know anymore whether it was the right decision. If she wasn't attached to me anymore, I wasn't her problem. Whatever happened to me didn't have to worry her. She would be fine, I knew she would be. I just wasn't that sure about myself anymore.
Several hours later, my phone rang. I knew who was on the other end of the line before I looked. I also knew who I wished that it was instead. I answered; ignoring it wasn't an option.
"Hello?"
"This is Chief Hanson with the National Guard. How are you this evening?"
The last time I had gotten this phone call, I had gotten the warning order for my deployment delivered to my dad's house a few days earlier. That had been about a month ago, apparently a lot longer than most people got before they had to leave.
"Fine," I lied, "how are you?" I threw in even though he wasn't going to tell me.
"You and your battalion have been transferred to active duty. You have three days to report. Do you understand?" he said. I said that I did. He kept talking after that, and I just kept telling him okay. Okay. Okay, I'd be there. Okay, I knew I had paperwork to process.
We were being deployed in support of Operation Freedom's Sentinel for any duration up to eighteen months. I had to report Monday morning, 8a.m. Destination: Bagram Airfield, Afghanistan.
Chapter Four
Veronica
I wiped my cheeks angrily. I didn't want to anyone to see me like this. I kept my face down because if I did, I wouldn't see him when he came out of the apartment after me, apologizing and telling me he didn't mean any of the horrible shit he had just said to me. The part of me that wanted him to come after me knew he wasn't, but wanted it anyway.
I was in shock. The words he had said were still processing and it was like my body didn't want to make sense of it. He had said it was over, but how could it be? It was Roman. We were going to celebrate three years together in the fall. He was my boyfriend, my longest, best relati
onship. I loved him. I thought he loved me, too. He was my best friend after Tiffany. The person I'd shared my soul and body with for years, and now it was over?
Something inside me was rejecting it. No way...just no. There was no way that was it. I got outside and the cool spring air bit my wet cheeks. I knew I looked like I had just been crying and needed to get home. Maybe there this would make some goddamn sense. I got into my car and started driving. Thank God my car was working again. I couldn't imagine having to wait here for a cab or calling someone to pick me up, not when I was like this.
I wished I could drive past my place and just go home. Home was twenty-five minutes away, not that far, but my apartment was walking distance from Roman's place and that was too close. Physical distance between us wouldn't change what had just happened, but it would make it easier to pretend that it hadn't.
I wanted him to disappear. I wanted him gone. If he wanted to move on alone, then I'd help him. I didn't want to see him again. Never. I felt angry now. I was sad before, confused, then hurt, but now I was just mad. What the fuck? That piece of shit, how long had we been together before he decided to show is true colors like this?
And what he had said about there being someone else...