"It's the first one of the summer. There will be food, music, and performances," I said. He still hadn't looked up.
"Uh-huh," he said. I blinked. Maybe this had been a mistake.
"Hope to see you there," I tried to say brightly. He nodded, didn't even bother making a sound that time. I opened my mouth to tell him good afternoon, but stopped. I turned and started walking away quickly.
Had I been bothering him that much? What was wrong? Why was he in such a bad mood?
I sighed, wishing I'd said something a little different. Even if he was in a bad mood, that didn't mean he had to act like that. What was that thing people said about never meeting your idols? I never imagined he'd be so dismissive. Even if he didn't want to talk to me, he could have at least said it, not treated me like I hadn't been standing right there.
Maybe Makani was right: he didn't want to be disturbed. He wanted to enjoy Hawai'i from the great indoors. He wasn't going to come down to the luau. He was perfectly happy in there. If that was the case, then who was I to tear him away from his happy place?
You can't get them all, I thought, coming back down to the lobby. I had made the invitation. If he really didn't want it, then so be it. As long as he was doing whatever made him happy.
I got back behind the desk, flopping down into my seat.
"How'd it go? Is he dead?"
"He’s fine. He’s also not coming."
"He said he wouldn't?"
"He didn't have to. He was pretty upset that I'd gone up there."
"Really? Was he rude? He seemed like a nice enough guy the last time I talked to him," she said. I shrugged.
"I was obviously disrupting whatever it was he was doing up there. He was just humoring me till I left."
"Maybe you just caught him at a bad time?"
"No, I think he's just happy spending his days and nights inside. It's fine. If that's what he wants, then that's fine. He can do that."
"Are you all right? You sound a little upset."
"It's silly. I just thought talking to him would be different. He was a little cold and dismissive."
"Bad fan experience?" she asked.
I smiled sadly. Nate Stone was a person – just like any other person. I knew that listening to his music. I couldn't romanticize him as someone who didn't have bad days and who didn't have a personality of his own. I just always have expected that people wanted connection. Smiling at someone, being nice to them opens you up to them. I had tried with Nate, and he hadn't wanted it.
"I think we're doing our job leaving him alone," I said wryly.
"Who knows? He might surprise you." I let myself think about it for a while. Nate Stone on the beach tonight. Given the way he apparently felt about company, I couldn't see it happening. Hey. I’d tried.
"He won't show up."
Chapter Seven
Nate
People have been getting addicted to heroin for decades. People have been getting clean for decades, too. Robert Downey Jr. did it, and he became Iron Man. I could do this. If I felt it coming and just managed not to do it once, this one time, then I could do it again. It would become easier. Then, I could become Iron Man.
It had been hours. I was running out of things to do and tell myself so I didn't stab myself with a needle and shoot the heroin directly into my heart.
I tried drinking; I had so much booze in the room, and it helped, but it wasn't the same. It had just made my head hurt. I tried eating real food, but the steak had only one bite taken out of it and was still on the dining table, stone cold from sitting there so long.
My body knew what it wanted. It was a fight. It was trying to wear me down, just make me do it because I knew that when I did. I'd feel great. I'd feel like shit for giving in when I didn't want to, but I'd feel great. That craving would stop and my mind would clear and I'd feel normal.
That was all it was. I just wanted to feel normal. If that meant feeding the beast, then that couldn't be that bad. Not if all the other time I couldn't even think straight because I was fiending too hard. I'd just take a little. Not enough to get me high, just enough to-