I got off on the floor before mine and walked to the end of the hall, pushing the exit door and moving out onto the balcony that overlooked the ocean. The wind whipped around me, and the desire to be needed, to be wanted pumped through me, but I ignored it. It would lead to more tears.
After dialing my mom's number, I moved up to the rail and leaned against it.
"Hey, baby. How is your trip going?" My mom's voice was thick as if she'd been crying.
&n
bsp; "It's alright. Casey got stung by a jellyfish an hour ago, and I met a really cute guy who isn't interested in anything more than what this week has to offer, but other than that..."
"Oh, Viv. That's not good."
The sound of my mother’s sympathy always did me in. Tears blurred my vision and I pressed my teeth into my bottom lip as they spilled over onto my cheeks.
"I really just want to understand why," I murmured through my tears.
"Oh, baby. Are you crying? Don't cry or I will too." Her voice thickened even more.
"I'm sorry, Mom. I hate being a cry-cry head. I just wish I could understand why Jackson felt the need to cheat on me. Ten years, Mom. Ten fucking years."
"Watch your language, please. I'm so sorry. There is no excuse for what he did. He's a man, and men are pieces of shit. Plain and simple."
I didn't believe that for a minute, but after the last few months I could see why many women did. My father was a good man, as was Casey's dad and my brothers.
"That leaves me no hope for a good relationship, Mom. I'm thinking if I could just figure out what I did wrong, or what was missing for Jackson, then I could stop it from happening again." I brushed my tears away angrily.
"This isn't the time for me to do this, but I was calling to tell you that your father and I are filing for divorce."
Ice water raced through my veins as I stood up, shocked being an understatement. "What? Why? You and dad are like the most loving couple in the world."
"We were. A couple of years ago I walked in on him sleeping with his secretary. I guess his late nights weren't always about scoring the right kind of business deal. He's a cheating bastard." Her anger bled through the phone and left my heart aching.
"What? Two years ago? Why didn't you say something?" I pressed my hand to my chest and rubbed softly as I moved through memories to see if I could see the signs better. They'd hidden it well. Too well.
"I really thought I was one of those women that could get over it. Your dad and I are so damn good together on so many levels that I wasn't willing to simply give up my claim to him." She let out a shaky sigh. "I think he's been faithful over the last two years, but there isn't a moment during the day that I don't wonder if I'm still playing the fool. I'm so angry, Vivian. I'm so far beyond angry that it's destroying whatever was once good between us."
I nodded. "I understand that. I couldn't forgive Jackson for sleeping around on me, and we've been together ten years, not forty. And we weren't even married."
Pain laced me, but I locked it up as a cute couple walked out on the balcony with me and moved to the far end to snuggle each other.
"I had no idea." I wrapped my free arm around myself.
"No one does. How does a man that has everything feel the need to take the one thing he didn't think he had and exploit it? I was so good to your father for all of these years, supporting his dreams and aspirations because I just knew my turn was coming. He's a spineless asshole. They all are." She barked into the phone just before her voice cracked.
The sound of my mother lamenting over the loss of a forty-year marriage broke my heart in half. She had to be asking the same questions I was, searching for the reasons and answers to somehow validate all that had happened to us.
"Mom... what can I do? You want me to come home?" I couldn't stop the flow of tears as memories moved past my vision. There were so many good times that we'd had as a family and they were suddenly washed away by my father's infidelities.
"Just promise me that you'll be careful. I wanted to tell you all of this when you called crying about Jackson, but I couldn't. I just couldn't hurt your hopeful heart, baby. I'm not trying to hurt you now either, but please... please be careful."
"Okay," I mumbled and sunk down to a squat as the air rushed from my lungs. "I need to go. I'll call you later. I love you."
I dropped the call and sat the phone down as I worked to reign in my emotions. I'd almost gone off the deep end with Easton only having known him for a day.
Was I that desperate to belong to someone?
Yeah. I guess I was.
Chapter 14