I laughed as I came back to my senses. "And kids?"
"She's nuts about wanting kids. I think I mentioned that." He chuckled. "I want kids. I just don't think my job would allow for all of that just yet."
"Maybe not now, but in the future if you find someone that wanted to travel with you, you could just take the baby with you, right?" I shifted closer to him, pulling his arm around my back as I pressed a kiss to the side of his neck.
"I think with the right woman, anything would be possible." He turned and brushed his lips by mine. "Are you more interested in your career or a relationship with the right guy?"
"My career." I answered a bit too fast. "I mean, I'd love to be in a solid relationship, but I'm graduating in two months and need to shift my focus onto my future. I give all of myself over in a relationship. I probably need to learn boundaries, but it's just the way I've always been."
His brow furrowed as he tensed. "I hate the fact that Jackson is all you know. Ten years is a really long time, and no breaks in between?"
"Not for me, no." I moved back a little and stood up as my body started to overheat. "It's hot as hell in here."
"It's lust. We can pretend like we're not both thinking about how good it would be to give ourselves over to each other for the night, but we are." He stood up and moved toward me. "I want you to stay with me. Don't go because of some sense of protection that you think you have to have around me. We don't have to move fast, Viv, but don't move away. I want to try this thing out between us. I've had more fun in the last four days than I have in the last two years."
His words shot an arrow of fear into the center of my chest. I couldn't agree more with his confession, but it wasn't that simple. He would keep on with his life, and I would keep up, or he would grow weary of me. He wasn't risking much at all, but asking me to risk everything.
"I want to, Easton, but I can't. Not right now. Maybe when things are settled in the future." I reached for him, pulling him into a long hug and kissing his shoulder before pulling back. "I should go. Call me sometime when you're in New York and we'll hang out. Promise?"
His smile faded as he nodded. "Yeah. Of course."
I turned and got out of the hot tub as tears burned my gaze. I needed to go then or I wasn't going to go. It wasn't nearly as simple as he wanted to make it out to be. At least I couldn't figure out a scenario where I won for the long term.
After gathering my stuff, I checked the living room for him but didn't see him. I walked towards the balcony and found him bent over, looking out across the city as rivets of water dripped down his back and legs. I turned and walked out of the penthouse, not caring how intensely everything inside of me screamed that I was making a huge mistake.
My heart had to come first. For the first time ever.
I didn't sleep at all that night, and looked like hell the next morning, no doubt. Casey was sure to remind me ten times that I should at least call him and say goodbye as we packed up.
"I don't want to say goodbye. Lay the fuck off of me." I turned and gave her an aggressive stare.
She lifted her hands. "Okay. Shit. Sorry. I just know you, and you're going to regret this. It's like letting fucking Jackson win."
"He's winning nothing, Case. I'm asking you nicely to let it go. I'm hurting. Don't throw salt in my wounds. Okay?" I turned back to my suitcase and swallowed the ache that continued to rise up my chest and find residence in my throat. I was making a mistake, but I didn't care. Hurting today to heal tomorrow sounded far more mature than instant gratification today and being destroyed again in the near future.
"I'm sorry. I love you. You know that." She stopped beside me and tugged at my arm until I turned and let her pull me into a hug.
"I don't want to do all of this again. I just want peace for a little while. I want to heal." I pressed my cheek to her shoulder. "And I don't want to cry anymore."
"Agreed. I'll go check us out and we'll get the fuck out of here. That sound good?" She pulled back, but kept a tight grasp on my shoulders.
"I'll check us out. The room is in my name. Finish checking to make sure we didn't leave anything." I moved to the door and grabbed my purse before walking out. I didn't want Casey spending any of her dwindling funds on anything related to the vacation, but she wouldn't have any of it if they charged us for something.
I made it down to the lobby and turned as the one person I didn't want to see walked toward me. Jackson.
"Hey. I was hoping I would see you again here." He reached for me, but I backed up.
"How did you know I was staying here?" I lifted my eyebrow and crossed my arms over my chest. I ignored the familiarity that sat between us, the offer of him hugging me ushered in the remembrance of a comfort I didn't think I could live without.
"I talked to your dad last night for a long time. I'm sorry about your folks." He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "Vivian, I'm sorry, baby. Please give me a chance to make everything up to you. Please."
"Fuck
off." I turned on my heel and walked toward the long line at the checkout counter.
"Viv. Just tell me what I need to do to start working toward us getting back together. I know you miss me. I feel like I can't breathe without you." He brushed his hand along my upper back, and I stiffened.
"You don't know anything. Get your hands off of me. Seriously." I moved up in line and tried to ignore the burn of tears that welled up in my eyes again.