"What?"
"Yes, you could."
"He was talking marriage, a family. He couldn't ask me to give my life up to do that with him."
"But he asked you. He wasn't trying to force you into something you didn't want," I said. "He wasn't chasing you. It wasn't like a deal breaker for him if you weren't in the same place as he was."
"Have you talked to him about this?" she asked accusatorily.
"No, but both of you still need closure."
"I keep thinking that the next time I see him, I won't feel overwhelmed and he'll be just another guy to me," she said sadly.
"Did you ever think about what he asked you?" I asked.
"Of course, I thought about it. We talked about it. He would drop hints sometimes that he had been thinking about he and I together for the long term. Married with kids," she said, her face frowning slightly.
"You couldn't see tha,t too?"
"I could, but I can't do that, Abby. I'm twenty-two; he's had longer to think about this than I have. He's had longer to live his life and be independent than I have. It wasn't fair."
"Did you want it?" I asked.
She shrugged her shoulders. "I feel like I've been on my own so long, doing that with Keno would be like I was packing it in. Settling."
"It doesn't make you a weak person to want to be in a relationship. You can't be scared about what you feel for him."
"I need to feel like I’m with somebody because I want to be. Not because I need to be or because they want me to be and I’m just trying to make them happy.”
“Talk to the guy. He would listen to you. I can’t take any more of those awful conversations you two pretend to have while trying not to look at each other.”
“Do you think I lost something good?”
"I think staying away from Keno is making you miserable. Just get back together already," I said playfully. "You have so much time for me now, it's insane." She laughed.
“He’s probably seeing someone else already,” she sighed. I knew for a fact that he was not. If I went to see him tonight, he’d probably being doing exactly what she was now.
“Just promise me you’ll suck it up and at least talk to him.” She nodded, agreeing she would. We ate the rest of our dinner chatting. She always gave really good advice. I wondered what she would have said to me about Nate. I didn’t like keeping secrets from her.
I asked her whether she wanted to stay over, but she said she’d just see me the next day. I cleaned up a little, washing dishes and tidying the kitchen before I got my laptop out. Fresh air and sunshine wasn’t all that was going to cure Nate. I had been thinking about what I was going to do to help him all day.
I sat on my bed wondering where to start. I started slow, searching “drug addiction.” About an hour later, I had five pages of symptoms, withdrawal, risks, and treatment options that I could print out when I got to work the next day.
Chapter Thirteen
Nate
Housekeeping and I had an understanding. If I was asleep, they could just come in and do their thing, as long as they didn't wake me.
They seemed to be professionals, just handling the rest of the suite while I was in the bedroom and then taking care of that later. They hadn't asked me once about why I had so many syringes in the trash, which was a good thing since I didn't want to tell them.
I judged whether a day was going to be bad or good by whether or not I was hung-over, and I didn't have one today. I'd been a good boy. Heroin was great if you were the sort of person who didn't really like to leave the house. I checked the time and had a shower, ordering food that was here by the time I was out of the shower – Breakfast food, although it was already past noon.
I thought about what I was going to do today, remembering the day I had had with Abby yesterday. I had some questions. I hadn't gotten too much from her. She was playful and flirty, but was she interested? Like, if I invited her up to my suite, would she say yes?
She seemed a little young to be married and didn't wear a ring, but that didn't really mean anything. She hadn't said she was attached. If she was, then that was about to be a problem for whoever that guy was. Not me.
I thought I had agreed to see her on Sunday, so maybe I'd find out then. I felt pretty good. I had actually had fun. Things started going a little left once we were back in the car, but up until that point, it had been great. I had to remember to send the pictures of the Garden of the Gods to my dad; he’d like to see them.