“I don’t trust it, but you’re a good receptionist, and you haven’t given me any real trouble. Just don’t cry in the middle of the lobby.”
“I won’t. Thank you.” I went back to my computer, and she walked outside to have her cigarette. She was a good woman, but she’d been jaded by years of bad love and resentment. I’d been working on avoiding that ever since I found out what men had between their legs.
I could catch a drunk or a douche a mile away. None of that crap got past me. I knew who I was with, and I was secure with my relationship.
I checked the time on my phone. It was almost 5, and I was starving. Jake had been taking me out every night, and each place was better than the next, but I was tired of running around. I wanted to spend time at the house, maybe watch a movie, or have dinner out on the veranda. It was better that way, nobody to come between us or interrupt us while we were eating. We could just be together.
I decided to give him a call. “Hello?” It sounded like I caught him by surprise.
“Hey.”
“Hi.” His voice was shaking. Something was wrong.
I didn’t want to think about it. I just wanted our night together. Anything else would have to take a backseat. “I was thinking of maybe stopping by the store when I got off. Is there anything in particular you might like?”
“No, don’t do that.”
“Is something wrong? Are you busy?”
“No,” he said.
“You sound upset.” My hands trembled.
“I’m fine. Just head over when you get off.”
“Okay, I’ll see you soon.” I hung up and set the phone down, hoping to keep Brenda from seeing, but she was already through with her cigarette and walking inside.
“See, they can flip in a moment, and you’ll never know what they’re going to do.”
“I’m not having this conversation.” I turned back to my rose painting and began adding a green stem at the base.
Brenda leaned over the desk. “Something happened. I can tell. You’re already starting to spiral.”
“I know when to run and when to stay. I’ve never had a problem before.”
“Fine.” She walked into her office and slammed the door.
I knew that if I started doubting Jake, then I’d just end up working myself into another frenzy. I couldn’t allow that. I almost left him the last time. I broke his heart twice. Now I was jumping to all sorts of conclusions—drugs, hit men, Becky.
Something was happening. Jake wasn’t easily scared. So far as I knew, I’d never seen him afraid at all. In fact, he’d done some pretty ballsy things. If he was worried, then I should’ve been petrified, and I was. Whatever was happening involved me. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have told me to come. He would’ve kept me as far away as he could.
Instead, he was lying, acting like everything was fine and trying to lure me into his home. Why? I knew he’d never give me an explanation. When he got something in his head, he didn’t give up on it. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to go there unless I knew what was happening. He sounded so upset. This wasn’t right.
Brenda went back and forth between her office and her pile of cigarette butts outside. Every time she came in, she gave me a knowing smile, and every time she did, I felt my carefully composed confidence wearing away.
I loved him, and he loved me. That was all I knew. It had to be enough. It kept me there, and drove me into his arms. It washed away my doubt and grief and put me in that place where we could just be together. I needed to be in that place now. It was the only place I felt truly comfortable.
I decided that I would drive straight there after work. If something was wrong with him, I needed to know what it was. If it was bad, and I couldn’t handle it, I’d walk away. If it was bad, and I could handle it, I would stay by his side.
I finished my rose and checked the time. I could already hear Brenda moving around in her office. It was time for me to go. This was starting to get ridiculous. I knew I’d never get a second’s peace unless I knew what was happening, and I didn’t want to just go down there without knowing what I was walking into.
When Brenda showed me out and locked up, I walked outside and pulled out my phone. I felt drained, like I was coming down from a sugar high, and that ache behind my eyes was getting worse. What if this was it? What if something happened, and I had to walk away?
I dialed his number and listened as the phone rang and rang. Then it went to voicemail. I kept the phone to my ear and listened for a moment. I was shocked. He’d never gone without answering my calls before, even when he wasn’t working.
I decided to text him. “Jake, what’s going on?”
I leaned against the front wall while I waited for him to respond, but as the minutes passed by with no response, I star