An hour later, I walked through the front door at CSC and greeted Becky with a smile and a bag of fresh donuts.
"You're going to ruin my diet, Cam." She smiled as she accepted the gift and tipped her head toward Leo's office. "He's in a state this morning. I have no idea what's going on, though. He won't talk to me."
I nodded and walked down the hallway toward Leo's office. I could hear his voice through the closed door, which was not good. I knocked and entered.
"Gotta go. Call you later," he said as he abruptly disconnected from the call he was on and looked at me. "We have a problem."
"What is it now?" I asked.
"Metzler wants us to be present at his announcement," Leo said. "He said he wants to show that he's got the support of a wide range of business owners in the community, and if we're going to sign a contract to provide security, then we need to be there."
"Absolutely not," I said, shaking my head. "If you want to be there, that's fine, but I'm not doing a dog and pony show for that guy."
"Cam, when is this going to stop?" Leo asked, holding his hands out as if to surrender. "I can't run this business on fumes. You need to decide what you want to do about it and either get in or get out. We are at a point where we need the publicity if we're going to attract more business!"
"I don't want my name in the papers!" I shouted. "Dammit, Leo! You know that! Why do we have to keep going around and around about this shit?"
"Because you won't give in and let me run the damn business!" Leo yelled. "I've done things your way since we started this company, but now it's time for you to shit or get off the pot! I need to actually run the business!"
"So, what are you proposing?" I asked. "You want me to sign things over to you and walk away? You just want to take control and run it?"
"No, I want you to come out of hiding!" Leo pleaded. "Jesus Christ, Cam! It's been ten years! It's time to move on with your life! This whole secrecy thing is part of what's keeping you trapped in a life that belongs in the past."
"Oh, I see; you want me to let go so you can run the business," I said, eyeing him suspiciously. "It's convenient for you, isn't it? You tell me to let go so you can get what you want. Brilliant."
"Fuck off, Connor," Leo said. "I'm not telling you anything you don't already know."
"Nice, you kiss your mother with that mouth?" I shot back.
"Cam, listen to me," Leo said, dropping his voice and pleading with me. "You have to let go, man. She's gone and she's never coming back. It doesn't mean that you have to live in limbo. Let go. Start over and live your life. Quinn would be heartbroken if she knew that you had shut yourself off like this for so long."
I looked at Leo for a long time as I felt the emotions I'd held back begin to rise to the surface. He'd tapped a place in me that I'd let scar over -- or at least I thought I had. Now the scar was being sliced open and the pain of it felt like it might be more than I could bear.
"I don't know how to do this, Leo," I said as I dropped into a chair and held my head in my hands. "I don't know how to let go."
Leo walked around the desk and clasped my shoulder without saying a word. He stood there as I fought to maintain control, and when I'd finally found a way to cut through the pain on my own, he stood up and walked back to his desk.
"We need to do this, Cam," he said. "I don't think you understand the consequences of not doing this."
"And what are those, exactly?" I asked, knowing that he was going to make another attempt at persuading me.
"We're going to go bankrupt if we don't land Metzler's business," Leo said quietly. "I've been trying to figure out a way to make it all work, but the reality is that without Metzler, we can't keep going."
"How did that happen?" I said, feeling the panic rising. "How did this become so perilous?"
"I don't want to go into the details right now, but our output is greater than our income," he said. "It has been for a while now, and we're riding the line."
"Dammit, Leo! I trusted you to run this business and tell me when we were in trouble!" I shouted. Now I was angry. Leo hadn't been telling me what was going on, and more importantly, I hadn't been paying attention.
"I've tried, but you're always in and out so quickly and you never want to talk about the nuts and bolts of what it takes to run this business!" he shouted back. "You go play fireman and do what you love doing and leave me to take care of all the work!"
"That's totally unfair," I protested. "I've done more than my fair share of the work around here."
"Yeah, as long as it doesn't involve you having to do anythi
ng that forces you to interact with people," he countered. "Cam, you put the money up and that was definitely a big deal, but for the last five years, I've done all the legwork to keep this company running while you've been a silent partner. I can't do this anymore. You need to come out of the shadows and start actually being part of the business or you need to find someone else to do the work. I can't."
"Leo..." I began as he waved me off.